Free pass/ open relationship TMI!!

I feel like you don’t know what you are doing… you started to dig your own pit. You let him sleep with other women if he lets you get a toy?……. I’m sorry, what?… I don’t mind couples that have open relationships, but I don’t like those where the woman just accepts her man to sleep around in order to maybe not lose him? But she is not allowed to sleep around even if she wanted. Like it just doesn’t sound fair to me. Be careful. You might actually lose him accepting this.

And also if he is already bored of sex with you…. Idk…

This just seems like you have good intentions now, but it’s going to turn into a mess later on. I would wait and think seriously about what this could lead to.

Oh no! Never in a million years would I ever ever be okay with that. If he’s “bored” you guys could try new things. Get toys for you both to use on/with each other. Get some new lingerie. Try different positions. There are so many things you could do to spice it up. People trying to make this new “open relationship” thing normal is just weird and gross to me. Sorry for my candidness, I just feel so strongly about this topic.

Im a single mom on tinder and there are lot of people in open relationships on there. If he is looking for a one night stand he should be honest with his intentions in his bio and with the other women he is engaging with. There are women out there who are looking for just that so it really doesn’t restrict him if that’s what he’s worried about.

@Emily this is a group for non-traditional relationships. It’s fine if that’s not you’re thing, but this is supposed to be a space for people in open, polyamorous, and other forms on non-traditional relationships. Mia is asking for advice from women in similar situations, not judgement about her decision.

@Emily don’t apologize. If my feeling were easily going to get hurt I wouldn’t have posted. I’ve thought about my options for months. We’ve tried new positions and acts… he doesn’t care about lingerie and he’s uncomfortable with toys. So I brought this idea up to him.

@Skye my bad! 🙏🏻 I didn’t see this was in a specific group for it. It just popped up on my feed and I assumed it was in a group that I was a part of.

@Ioana you’re right I have no idea what I’m doing. This is my longest relationship everything was open and we just did what we wanted to. Yes I get a toy. It was my idea. If I wanted to sleep with another man I could but I have absolutely no desire to do so. I am being careful we are trying one time and we’ll sit down and talk again in a week or 2. If it’s a problem it’ll end.

@Emily thank you for being understanding!

This will definitely turn into a mess later maybe y’all should try spicing it up look into new stuff him using toys on you or you using toys on him start to push boundaries get into new territory before you do something like this

I’m saying this in the most sisterly way— it sounds desperate! I think you deserve better than letting a man sleep around so he’ll still enjoy sleeping with you!? It may actually backfire. Maybe you could try other things to connect with him…. mentally/spiritually/emotionally and maybe that would translate to the bedroom. Maybe get bedroom outfits, throw him into a spontaneous role playing situation! I wish you luck 💖

@Mia are you sure if you wanted to sleep with another man you could? You had to let him sleep with another woman in order for you to get a toy. It doesn’t sound like he would be comfortable with you sleeping with other man. This situation just gives off a weird vibe. You said you don’t know how you should be feeling or what you should be doing… you don’t sound like you made a decision, yet you said you thought about it for months. I don’t think you are okay with the idea. I don’t know… it might actually hurt you after…. You should of thought better.

Don't make a mistake you will regret for the rest of your life,, if you truly love him..like who does that.

Bad idea. Give a man an inch, he gonna take a mile every time.

The fact that he wants to tell people you’re split up is not good. It’s not good for the girls who may get their hopes up that he’s available for a relationship and it’s not good for you. Once he starts to think of himself as single….you’re going down a dangerous road.

@Kay-see-uh he sounds desperate in finding other woman to sleeping with innit? 😢

My boss did this. They had a successful poly relationship for years until she brought me home. Her husband of 13 years divorced and left her to try and pursue me. I didn't entertain or allow it. I loved her too and watching him break her heart and leave her kids is something I will always have guilt for. Please, be careful with what you are doing. Sex is never just sex. If you want spicier sex there's a lot of ways to try new things, maybe have him use that new toy you bought on you and look into other accessories or types of sex to experiment with, bondage, tantric, etc. I know you're trying to do the right thing, but letting your husband go isnt the option. And allowing him to fulfill the sex need with others isn't going to strengthen your relationship or make him "happier"

Yeah, no…..

Definitely no, you guys are still young and he already got bored? Hell nah girl. You accept it now but who knows how you will be later on... It won't bother you that other woman will satisfy him ?

@Ioana I didn’t realize this was a group for nontraditional relationships…so I’m not sure….it just came up in my feed so I replied but now I’m not sure if my comment applies? I guess they have to set the rules for their relationship but I do think it’s opening a door that will be hard to close… 😕😕

@Skye I hear what you’re saying but I’m going to keep it a buck. Based on what she said it doesn’t sound like she’s all that on board, more like she’s doing what she feel like will help keep this man from potentially cheating by opening the relationship up. I’ve seen this sort of thing play out before and it never ends with everyone is happier than they’ve ever been. It usually ends with the original couple breaking up honestly because rules are broken. It’s already starting off poorly because this guy wants to mislead other women to get them to be more open to sleep with him. This isn’t me judging this just me going off of what the poster wrote.

@Krystel thank you for you’re comment and I understand your concern but this isn’t a last hoorah to keep him from leaving or cheating. Besides the sex our relationship is amazing. We have a 1 year old daughter together. Who is a little sleeper, still sleeps in our bedroom because the floors in her room aren’t finished, and she’s going through the phase of I can’t leave her sight. Plus we have no one to watch her for an evening because we just move half way across the country from our family. So it’s more of a I can’t give him what he wants sexually but I can give everything else. I gave him the option of sleeping with another woman. He was reluctant at first because he was concerned that he would lose us. And the thing of him misleading other women you kinda have to think about the fact that he’s 19 and I’m 21 so the whole thinking things out part of the brain isn’t quite all there yet…. I’ve had examples of these relationships before and one of them just got married.

For open relationships/free passes to work, he needs to be honest. It’s possible that it could (even if he sets out with good intentions) open pandora’s box if he super-enjoys lil miss Tina down the road and she thinks he’s a free man to be pursued. 🥴 It will make it easier for him to find someone to sleep with if he lies, but it’s just… the willingness to be dishonest for me. Poly is fine, but honestly is key — even to the people he chooses to sleep with. You’re his primary, though, so it’s your call in the end.

@Stephanie thank you for your time. I completely agree. I think he should be honest to these girls not just so they don’t get any ideas because for some girls it won’t matter. I just don’t want good girls getting heart broken. The willingness to be dishonest bothered me at first but when he got home from work he told me that the 2 girl he talk to he told the truth. Obviously it didn’t work out. Tonight a girl tried to black mail him out of 600$ and started sending out 2 of his nudes from when he was 16. It ended up being a dude who was in jail for “sexual exploitation of a minor”. So I don’t think he’s going to continue looking much after tonight anyways. Unfortunately I think our new adventure might be over before it even started…. I was really starting to hope it could lead to more adventures.

@Mia I didn’t realize how young he was especially. (Sigh) I’m always concerned about the young ones for a number of reasons. One being because he’s so young and locked down so early with an older wife, a new baby and already bored enough to add new women to the equation is all leading to bad news in my book. Marriages already have less than a 50% shot without adding new players to the game willingly. I can tell you care a great deal about your husband. Like someone mentioned earlier sex is never just sex. Sex is what separates partners from friends. I feel like you lose a big part of what makes the relationship special when that part is given freely to others. I’m not judging anyone who does it just saying long term I don’t know any couple who made it to even 10 years who have opened their relationship up.

@Mia Oof. That really stinks. I’m so sorry that happened to him & you. :( I love that he decided to be honest in the end, as that’s just super important when introducing anyone else into the mix — even if you rarely have contact with that person, they’re gonna be part of your relationship to some degree while sleeping with your partner. I hope that y’all can continue to explore and find what works best for you guys. You deserve to feel spicy and comfortable and happy in your relationship. 💖

@Mia listen, people on these apps are coo coo for Cocoa Puffs! I’m really sorry that happened! Actually I’ve read a few articles about how the climate on dating apps has changed over the past couple of years… There’s a lot more men on the apps than women and a lot of the women who are on the apps are not looking for dates or free hookups. Many of them are onlyfans girls using the apps to solicit customers, or actual prostitutes, using the app to solicit customers… So if he continues to use apps to find girls, he should just be very, very careful!

@Kay-see-uh yeah and then there’s that part, not to mention the set ups. Out here girls on those apps set dudes up to meet up and then have their boys rob the guys if not worse. 😨

@Krystel exactly! So many risks 🥴

U need to think of the bigger picture. What if he was to develop feelings for one of these women? Get one pregnant? There’s things that can go wrong.

I wouldn't let him tell them you are split up at all whatsoever. That is misleading and could hurt the other girls feelings she could think they could become serious..

i would not recommend saying you are split up. He should be honest and up front from the beginning. Also both of you should discuss and flesh out what your (both of your) needs, expectations, and boundaries are.

@Mia he could also find someone organically like by going out where you guys live or city nearby.

@Mia so it’s been a little while since all of this, how is everything going now?