Struggling with my toddlers emotions and actions
My daughter is 13 months, so just barely in the toddler stage. Here lately she’s been hitting me or smacking me when she’s upset. Most times this happens when I’m holding her and she’s fighting sleep. She has never done this to my husband. Ever. Im the one who is home with her 24/7 and the one that usually does the disciplining (teaching her no and not to bite, little things like that.) I’m starting to worry that since my husband isn’t also doing that, that she is starting to look at me as a mean mommy when daddy because daddy never tells her no. It breaks my heart to think that. (I’m crying as I type this seeing as she just kept whacking me when trying to put her to bed.) I know she has emotions and feelings that she doesn’t know how to control yet but when she does this, after a couple times it’s very hard for me to not get mad and loudly and sternly say “No. You do not hit.”
I grew up with a mom who was very quick to get stressed and raise her voice and I always kind of feared her for that. I don’t want to be that way for my daughter but I worry I’m already starting to be that way. Any advice or tips on how to stay calm when trying to teach a younger toddler No would be greatly appreciated.
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My little one did this as well. She is 2 years old and not hitting anymore and says she loves mommy now.
Try to keep your patience and explain why we don't hit and how it hurts your feelings. Try to relay it to how she is feeling, like, "You know how you're crying. That's how mommy feels when you hit her."
I also found saying it loud what they are feeling helps them calm down. "You don't want to go to bed?" "You want to read a book". I think that they just want to know you know what they want and don't want because they feel like they can't communicate it with you. Sometimes it's as simple as they want to bring two items to bed. It's not always obvious and so you might have to try a few different phrases.
Sometimes when she isn't listening I will take her binkie away. She will say binkie and I say "would you like your binkie?" She says yes and I tell her can you calm down she says yes. I say take a deep breath in and out. In and out. Then I will give the binkie back and she cooperates with me.
It will take a lot of repetition. But it's worth it.
If you need to step away step away.
Have a conversation with your hubby to step in when you need a moment.
thank you for taking the time out to offer advice! I so appreciate it and will give that a try!!
She is doing it with you as you are her safe space her constant. They lash out at the ones they love most x
The best advice I ever got, and try to do as best I can, is "share your calm, don't join their chaos"
If she's hitting take a deep breath, hold her little hand gently, and flip the script on her by putting her hand gently on your cheek and saying "gently please" and do the same to her - put your hand on her cheek and use similar wording like "see mama being gentle"
1. You're bringing her back down
2. You're modeling what you do want, instead of being mad about what you don't want.
You may still have to tell her no, and that does NOT make you mean mommy. It is 1000000% necessary to say no and be firm! But in instances where emotions are high, it helps to share your calm sometimes. Co-regulating
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