Feeling betrayed
I am on the struggle bus big time right now. I just found out my partner has been sneaking around smoking weed. It's legal here, but we quit together before baby. I am deeply hurt that he went behind my back and has been smoking during his lunch breaks (WFH). I do 85% of the house work even though I work full time not from home. He goes in to the office 3 days a week and when he's gone he doesn't get home till 10pm because of the commute. So those nights I'm home alone with baby, doing all the housework and making dinner and packing his lunch for daycare and playing.
I couldn't figure out why nothing would get done at home when he worked there, not a single dish or even start a load of laundry. Now I know why. He spends all his free time doing things for himself and I spend all of my time doing things for our baby and our home and him. I had a severe sinus infection for 4 months that wouldn't get better because I literally had no time to rest, and he was spending his day playing on the computer and smoking weed and drinking beer. He 'plays' with our son by half watching him and half reading effing Reddit. I make all the decisions for our baby, I make all the meals, I take care of appointments and clean almost everything. He takes out the garbage, and sometimes does a few dishes. I'm furious, and I'm hurting and I feel like I can't trust him anymore because he's been going behind my back for months.
We talked last night and I told him I think he has a problem and he said he doesn't feel like himself and that we aren't connecting anymore. He's probably depressed and I feel for him, but I told him he needs to work on himself and I can't do it for him. I asked him if he had done it more than once and he said no. Then I pulled up our bank records and showed him all the charges. He lied straight to my face.
I dont know what to do at this point or what I hope to get from this. Thank you for listening to me rant if you made it this far. I just don't know how to get past this.
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It sounds like you’re doing everything on your own mostly, so I’d try not to worry if it does end this way. I’d say he either gets help or gets out, it might give him a wake up call. What did you say when he felt like you’re not connecting anymore? It might be worth going to therapy together to see if you can come to a resolution. Good luck!x
I definitely feel like I'm doing it mostly myself. When he said that I agreed, and said I felt like I was trying to come up with activities for us to do together, but he fights it.
I think you're right, we probably need to go to couples therapy. And I'd hate to tell him that, but honestly, yes, get help and start changing or get out. I have a child, I'm not his mother too.
Thank you for your words!
I agree with the user above 👆🏼
Sounds like you know what the right thing is. He needs a wake up call. It’s not worth having a partner if they aren’t making things EASIER on you. A partnership is not what you describe. I’m so sorry your experiencing this. You don’t need him though. 😥 sorry to be blunt but I feel like you deserve way more. Hope your situation gets better.
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