I’m at a loss
I am at a total loss, I don’t know what to do anymore,
My oldest is 17 turns 18 in Jan
She has this mindset that she can do what she wants when she wants regardless of the rules set,
This weekend I caught her in a huge lye! She asked to go to a concert told me at first that is was in Pittsburgh I told her no, I don’t want her 2 hours away without a parent, the she told me that she was mistaken it’s actually at blossom which is 45 minutes from my house come Saturday and she didn’t come home after work so I checked her location. Turns out she was at the concert that in fact was in Pittsburgh, so she purposely and deliberately lied to me just so she can go to this concert, I have set consequences for this as I’m being grounded not able to have her phone when she’s home no access to the Internet on her TV. Her smart TV in her room as she’s only to go to school and work at home but I’m taking her phone. I read through some of her messages and found out that she had lied to a couple of her friends telling them that she has been kicked out of the house and she needs a place to stay. This is false, then I found out she lied to another friend telling them that I’m a bitch and that I won’t bring her food which was not the case well kind of was but I had told my daughter that since she thinks she’s grown enough to make her own decisions and do whatever she thinks she can do whatever she wants and she can figure out how to get food while at work, I’m so disappointed in her and hurt, I also discovered that right before I took her phone she told a friend that I called the cops on her, also not true, I did however tell her that if she was to leave the house without permission again that I will send the police to her location to pick her up, I just don’t know what to do anymore I’ve been fighting with her about following the rules and expectations of the house since she turned 17 I don’t know what to do,
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Sorry, but she's almost 18. At 18 I was travelling everywhere without a parent. I think you're being way too strict. My mum and dad even let me leave the city at 13.
I am based in the UK though so I don't know if its the same over there.
But she's almost 18, if my mum and dad had treated me like this at 18 I'd walk away. Too controlling. Why isn't she allowed to a concert without a parent? She's not exactly a child
In fact at 18 I was raising my own baby!
She’s not 18 yet, she’s 17 and still a minor , it was more of there the concert was at then her going! I don’t want my 17 year old a whole state away, human trafficking is very high currently here! I have every right to have set rules and boundaries to keep my daughter safe! There have been shootings at concerts! Thankfully nothing happened but what if something did happen
How would I be able to get to her fast with her being so far away!
It seems invasive to read her messages, and be tracking her location. This could cause a lot of anxiety and issues for your daughter, and create a sense of mistrust between you. It sounds like you're making choices like this because you love her and want to keep her safe, which I understand that most mothers feel this sense of protection for their children. But, you making threats to send the police to her is not healthy nor productive. Maybe you can try to read some books on some alternative types of parenting, or try a different approach. My mom was very lenient on me growing up and assured me that I could always come to her with anything, and she would be there. She told me that as long as I was honest with her, I wouldn't get in trouble. That we would talk through what happened, and I could lean on her. I rebelled and did some stupid things of course, but always knew I had her to count on if something happened. I have a close friend whose parents were controlling and he did things like you're mentioning.
Maybe you can propose a compromise in situations you feel are unsafe. Like in the case of the concert, you could let her know that you were only okay with it if you or another trusted adult was nearby, and if she checked in every 30 minutes. That way she would have her freedom to make her own choice, AND you ate reassured of her wellbeing. Kind of a win win.
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