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If you overheard your husband talking to his soldier friend about their time on a deployment and heard “I was on my best behaviour that night” would you assume something sinister may have happened at another stage of the deployment? For a back story, I for some reason wasn’t told they went out drinking and stayed at a hotel. I don’t know why I wasn’t told, it’s not like it’s an issue.. plus what am I supposed to do from another country? 😂 there’s just a few things niggling away and I’m not sure if there was some secrecy to the conversation they were having. I should also add that he came home from this deployment, surprised me by being home when I came back from work and proposed… HOWEVER I’ve often thought that this was potentially out of guilt… I don’t know. I think I need to hear some sense or some reasoning behind this.

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I wouldn’t assume anything happened at all, I’d just assume that was a night he “could have”. But avoiding telling you about a night out etc is sketchy tbh

@Amber it’s really sketchy! He went as far as saying he was on ops and how they were in a “hostel”.. and for 2 days he was next to silent.. later finding out that wasn’t the case. He sent me a photo of the floor of the room and it was actually a really nice hotel that I found out he paid for. I just don’t understand the secrecy? What’s wrong with going out if you’re just going out for fun or whatever? Unlessssss of course, you weren’t just going out for a drink 🫠

My husband's once said this cos his bosses boss was out on a night out with them 🤷‍♀️ I'd just ask what he meant by it. Ps. I wish my husband wouldn't tell me about the 7* hotels he's been in and spas and beach clubs etc 😂 5 weeks postpartum last year and he was in a spa!! Then 3 months PP he was out clubbing, all expenses paid 😳😳 So as soon as he got home he had no choice but to book me a holiday 🤣🤣

Being in the military myself and knowing what the guys are capable of I wouldn't ignore the feelings you have as it ends up growing and getting so much worse over time. Have you spoken to him about the secrecy and how it looks dodgy?

@Jasmin at the time I had suspicions and asked him, when I realised the hotel wasn’t a hostel he insisted it was.. when I’d literally seen the hotel website and it had a spa, sauna, restaurant etc etc.. 🙄 if you’re ‘working’ surely you haven’t got time to go for a haircut and go clothes shopping? 😂 I didn’t know they went out drinking until a few months after, I was under the impression they were “working” and had been put in this “hostel” aka really nice hotel.. it’s only when we were looking at photos on his phone that I saw them out drinking, but he just dismissed it. It just really puts a grievance ontop of deployments, more than what’s there already. Of course it’s already a worrying & stressful time and then I have these sorts of worries on top too?

I can't imagine the stress you're facing with this, it's really not nice and you shouldn't have to go snooping on his phone or anything to try and see if there is anything suspicious or not. I don't know what he's like and maybe a girl hit on him that night which is why he never mentioned it but I guess you have to decide if you believe what he says. I'm a big "trust your gut" person but like I said you know him, I don't. I just hope he is being honest with you and that nothing happened. I'm sorry I don't feel like I'm helping much, I wish I had the answers but personally the behaviour sounds dismissive and a bit secretive

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