Mom upset about who I want at hospital
Hello so this post is for maybe advice, or just to vent or to know I’m not alone!
I have an uncle and aunt(she’s married in) and my immediate family has always hated her and never liked my uncle much 🤷🏻♀️ I moved in with them around 17 because my immediate family living situation wasn’t good and mentally or physically I wasn’t doing well and wanted to leave and they offered to help me and live with them. Fast forward so many years (I’m now 26) I have been close with my aunt super at first but now I’d say we are a normal closeness as I grew up, I used to rely on her a lot when I was 18/19. I think this has always made my mom jealous but mom and me never had great relationship either but we’ve been doing alright.
I let my mom know that I wanted very few ppl at my birth or to know when I’m in labor cause ppl in my family have expressed wanting to hold and kiss baby (due in dec winter/flu/germ season) and I just want it to be an intimate thing as it’s my first. I let my mom know I wanted my aunt there as she is a nurse and works within NICU and I want someone there to explain,advocate, etc basically someone I trust who can tell me in detail what is going on why etc.
my mom began crying on the phone and saying she wouldn’t go to hospital if she was there.
I tried to call her later and let her know she’s more than welcome to come but I may want space and my mom is very disabled so she would just be sitting there most the time (which I’m fine with) it’s just I know she likes to make comments that upset me so I don’t want her to be hurt if I ask her to leave if in the moment that’s what I want. But then she said she won’t be going to babyshower either (which I don’t think is true she was just hurt) and I can understand if I said no to her completely but I’m not.
I know my mom has issues mentally with loosing her mom so young and us not being close like she wants but at the same time I cannot carry those emotional feelings for her esp now I’m starting my own family. I do feel for her but I have to put my health and baby health first and do what is best for us and most comfortable. Anyways sorry for the long post just feeling stressed and could use some kind words.
She might get over it by December (which is why I brought it up to her now instead of last minute to give her time) but idk I feel it’s a bit unfair like she’s trying to make me choose between when there no need.
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Whatever you feel is right for you and your growing family + baby is what is right. You’re allowed to make decisions and shouldn’t be questioned for setting boundaries around your personal comfort.
Don’t let anyone manipulate you into thinking you’re a bad person or doing the wrong thing when it comes to your journey into motherhood.
You don’t have to have your family there at all. My in-laws expected to be there for the birth and visit in the hospital and I said I only wanted my husband there and honestly the fewer people the better. Don’t worry so much about people’s feelings just do what is best for you.
my in-laws also expected to be there for the birth and I said I only wanted my mom. I ended up scheduling my moms visit after my due date so unless baby is late it will just be mom and dad 🫶🏼
Do what's best for you. You've left the door open for your mother so the decision is in her lap. It sucks but Mom can't dictate your experience, that's not fair to you.
Both my mom and mil expected to be there for the birth, but we still have guidelines in place that I can only have 2 people with me, and with my bf being there that only leaves one spot. I want it to just be him and I for labour and delivery, so I just explained that neither of them will be there for that part because it isnt fair to choose one mom over the other.
I think if you are closer to your aunt, and want her experience and help with advocating, then for sure stick to your aunt. Your mom will survive, even if she doesnt like it. And pulling the whole "well i wont be coming to xyz then" is just a crappy manipulation attempt.
Do what is going to best for yourself and baby! 💗
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