Child suddenly disliking their dad
So my ex was emotionally abusive to me and my older son (not his father) when we were together and since having our child (nearly 4) we have always been on/off but haven't been together since begin of year where I got pregnant again.
For last 2 years since we moved about 200 miles away and have court order for our son to see him one weekend a month and half school holidays , it's never really been an issue and my son has been happy to go see his dad and never really complained about it and he enjoys video calls with him .
But after this summer he spent 3 weeks with him (separated into 2 visits at beg at end of summer) and since coming back the 2nd visit , he has been a lot more challenging than usual but also has VERY negative attitude towards his dad, when he mentions him he says he hates him, talks about how much rules there is at his dad's. (I've talked about how there is rules everywhere to keep him and everyone safe and happy)
But he doesn't want to do video calls anymore he does them and very quickly into video calls hangs up.
His dad is getting very frustrated that he doesn't want to talk much and constantly tries calling back and my son declines the call his dad calls him rude (sends me a message calling him rude)
I'm really worried about how next visitation is going to go as my son really doesn't seem keen on him and his dad's reaction towards him not wanting to talk makes me worry a bit especially as I know how abusive he used to be to his brother (who I never let alone with him because of this)
He hasn't seem him this month due to money issues on his side and not being able to rearrange the weekend.
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Don’t force him to go there if he doesn’t want to. If worse come to worse call the police it’s not reasonable to force the baby to go where he doesn’t want. He may resent you too🤷♀️
There is a court order in place unfortunately so if I don't take him I will be in breach 😔
Explain to baby that it’s only temporary and consequences of him not going☹️
It's not just him putting up fight of going that's worrying me, it's the fact that his dad was complaining how challenging he was last time and then suddenly he come back saying he hates his dad and was terrible behaviour for first couple weeks after. It makes me think his dad was being horrible to him in response of stress or frustration and the way he reacts having an emotional impact on my son.
Something much have happened when he was there to suddenly have dislike towards him and has been so clingy to me since, worried about being away from me.
💯 I believe so too
Something definitely happened
Poor baby 😔☹️
Speak to your lawyer about how your son is reluctant to go and get their views on him not attending.
Can you look at getting your son an advocate? Someone who is independent from you and dad that he can speak to? This can also be used in court if you were to go back to show his views that it’s not being influenced by you or by dad. Can also help you evidence why potential breaches occur, if your son refuses to go. Can also strengthen an argument of reducing contact if it was to come to this 🤷🏼♀️
Although you could play it and say dad also has breached the order as he hasn’t attended this month 🤷🏼♀️
I don't currently have a solicitor/lawyer as the legal aid ran out when last order was completed and I tried getting more legal aid but because there hasn't been a break down in the order I.e no one has breached it yet and there no evidence to show it not working it wouldn't be enough to apply for legal aid 😔🙄
I'm not even sure how to go about getting an advocate?
That's also true about potentially using the fact he hasn't seen him this month as a breach, wasn't sure that would be seen as a breach though as we agreed on the weekend not happening and I haven't reported it.
Depending where about you are would depend on agencies that would offer advocacy. Google should be able to help find agencies local to you.
You could go down woman’s aid route for a children’s worker. If you say your ex was emotionally abusive. They could work through the experiences your son has had of seeing that 🤷🏼♀️
With your son saying he doesn’t want to go, that may be enough to tip your legal aid entitlement 🤷🏼♀️ as you’ll be looking to change the order.
You agreed for it not to happen but not sure the court would accept dad having no money as being a legitimate reason. Dad is aware of court order so why hasn’t he prepared for it?
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