Mother in law…

Is MIL asking for baby to stay with her? I’m very much of the opinion that the parents decide when and who their baby stays with, it’s not up to anyone else. So if you don’t want baby to stay with someone, they don’t.

@Sarah she hasn’t but sometimes she makes comments like you can trust me you know etc… My mum when she’s round just gets involved, my MIL doesn’t, she hasn’t really shown me she’s capable of watching her and knowing her cues whereas my mum does and she shadows me a lot! It’s a little different because my MIL dog has bite tendencies so we would never allow her round there without us there anyways. She often makes me feel bad for saying no, or trying to set boundaries which then in turn makes me get my back up. I just don’t want to be guilt tripped and forced into letting her have her when deep down I’m not comfortable just so she can tell her friends she’s had her for the day…. xx

Don’t feel bad! You’ll let baby stay when the time is right. If it were me, and she brought it up, I’d just say WE aren’t ready for baby to stay away yet, but we’ll let you know when thank you. Or better yet get your other half to say it. As long as you and parter are on the same page that’s all that matters.

Don’t feel bad at all, it’s your baby. Only do what your comfortable with, if it’s gonna cause you a lot of anxiety then don’t do it. Explain to her how your feeling and she should understand, even if she says things ignore it and always do what you feel right doing x

It’s a difficult one cause you’re allowing one set of grandparents more privileges than the other when it’s just as much her grandchild as it is your parents. She’s obviously raised one child successfully however as the mom it’s entirely your choice. Just try not to push her out or make her feel like your parents are being allowed to do more than she is as that may seem unfair and upset her x

I'm in the exact same situations. My mum stays one night per week at our house and knows my baby and what he likes and needs. She gets involved in all aspects of his care. When I go back to work in March, my mum will have my little boy one day per week. My MIL keeps making comments about how her and FIL can have him for one day a week too and I'm not OK with this. They have only spent time with him a few times and are not natural with him at all, they also don't listen at all. I've told my husband that he won't be looked after by them until I trust them and that might take a long time. Husband is supportive of me but I think he feels bad for his parents too. At the end of the day, they are our babies and we have every right to be protective xx

@Amy I’m totally with you on this! When my LG was little my mother in law even passed comment and said do you know that grandparents actually don’t have any rights I thought we did…. My other half was like wtf are you googling that for… when she comes over she’s not responsive to my little one and if I see her after and we’re infront of other family members or her friends are there she outright lies about how involved she is and it really winds me up! It’s like it’s all for show… I dedicate one day a week for her to come over and spend time with us but she’s just not really that present but I’ll find her taking photos when I’m not in the room… which I find strange but won’t take them when I’m there! She even used to get pictures up of my other half and say ‘ you love your daddy don’t you, you know who your daddy is’………….

That's mad, sounds pretty similar to my in laws though. My MIL is very controlling and if she doesn't get her way or has to play by someone else's rules, she throws a strop and doesn't speak to us for weeks. And then one day decides she's over it and expects us to just sweep it under the rug and move on. I've found since having my LB though that I just have no patience with my in laws anymore - I'd rather just not see them

@Amy so hard isn’t it! I want to be fair but it’s very difficult. I’m pregnant again now and she’s already said ‘ I’ll take your LG twice a week’ and I’m like no. I don’t want to break up my babies I’m not working so she and the baby will stay with me thanks!!

Congratulations! Yeah I'd be the same. I don't like the automatic expectation that just because they are the grandparents, they get a right to look after the little one. Until you can prove to me that I can trust you with my son and will do what's best for him, you won't be having him without my supervision!