in March 2023 Babies 🇬🇧

Am I Expecting Too Much?

Husband normally does the first feed of the day with our LO before he goes to work. I do the rest of the day including most of the evening and all night wakings. Husband is self employed and his job is very stressful for him at times. I work for my husband but am on maternity leave at the moment, although my job is very part time and ad-hoc. I do still help him with business-related things when needed though. I have multiple chronic illnesses and at the moment both me and LO have got bad colds. This morning, LO woke an hour earlier than usual and wouldn’t settle, her routine has been thrown out a little because of her being ill. I asked him if he would take her downstairs early, as she just was wide awake and his response was to say that he needed to sit and think whether this arrangement of him doing the first feed was fair or not. He thinks it’s unfair for him to do it as he is at work after that. That hour of sleep I get is the only decent sleep I have where I am not disturbed by LO. My husband sleeps in a room on his own and he gets a full nights sleep but he says he deserves to get 8 hours. I’m lucky if I have 4/5 hours. I don’t know if I am just being extra sensitive because I feel so ill at the moment. I think I just need somewhere to vent as I don’t like burdening friends or family with stuff like this.

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Coming from someone who always does all the feeds, including 3-5 night feeds and everything in the day, I think you are being waaaaay more than reasonable and don't have high expectations at all. I think what you're asking is absolutely fair x

I think this is totally unfair on his part. You have answered your own questions here hunny. You need to talk to him x

Definitely not being unreasonable, I've said this time and time again to others and even tell myself, it takes two to make a baby, so why is it always the mum who should be doing it all. Yeh they may go to work but being a mum is 24/7.. don't feel bad at all, stand your ground, if my other half said what your partner said I would of gone nutty 😂 x

This is just a suggestion as he absolutely needs to be doing some feeds but could on occasion could the feed be swapped about as a compromise? So he does the last evening one prior to bed. Therefore depending on the time of the feed you could already be in bed yourself and get a block of sleep at the start of the night. It's only an idea, personally I would love the extra hour in the morning and not evening as not a morning person but on occasions try is has worked for us (but my partner is up at 5.30am no no help with mornings) and my sister has always done this with her babies (Usually the 10pm feed) and works well. I hope you both manage to come to some agreement that works for you both. Xx

You know you are not being unreasonable and like what has been said above, even though the partners might be working during the day it does not absolve them of responsibility of the baby especially when they are home!

Wow. You are being more than reasonable! My husband takes my little one down at 6am everyday unless she wants a feed (EBF) and always asks if he can do more. If he ever turned around and told me he needed to contemplate this decision I’d probably have a meltdown and file for divorce 🙃 it’s also not just about responsibility, it’s about spending time with his child which, as the parent who works, isn’t always easy x

This is not only his responsibility but it would allow some more bonding time with the baby.

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