How to politely turndown grandparents who keep saying they want to keep 2 year old over night ?

This definitely depends on the reasons you aren’t comfortable given you’ve let your child stay with your parents and not his.

Well to start my parents only live 10 minutes away, my mum has my sisters kids twice a week (just in the day) so is very use to having young children around. My mum comes over once a week to spend time with our son and me. My parents respect our parenting style but do also try not to parent our son like they only tell him off if it is really needed and only to keep him safe. Our son knows them much better and had spent time in their house with out us a lot before spending the night. Our son also asked to sleep over at their house.

My in laws are not use to having young children around as our son is the only grandchild on that side.

My mother in law is very controlling and short with our son for example he’ll be happily playing with a sticker book but she wants to show him something in the garden so will say “ let’s go in the garden” our son will say “no” and she’ll say “ don’t be silly” and take the book off him and take him outside then when he get upset she’ll say

*She’ll say “oh no, why is he upset?”

They can’t understand him at all (which I know just comes with lack of time spent with him)

They live an hour away and they have only had him for 2 hours one time when he was 8 months.

they live an hour away so we haven’t ever spent the night there, however that would be an option.

However wouldn’t be something I’d want to do / enjoy.

I personally don’t think I’d feel comfortable until our son gets the point where he can tell us what happened , what games they played what they talked about etc

Also I’d like him to be able to go to the bathroom by himself. But I don’t think I can hold them off for another 3-4 years 😅

While I partially understand where you're coming from, from reading your comments, I feel as though you're not giving them the chance to get to know him. At the end of the day he's the only grandchild on that side, it's a learning curve for them too!

I feel as though if your partner was to tell you he didn't want your son staying with your mom you'd have a bit to say in defense.

I just think you need to give them a chance and maybe get over the fears of how they treat him a little.

they don’t really make an effort with him though. We always have to take him to see them they never come to us. They have never offered to take him for a day, they didn’t support us at all when he was born.

Also my husband has told me stories from his childhood regarding his parents which both agree are problematic at best.

I do understand him being defence and I’d definitely be defences if it was the other way round. However I guess I still feel like if I’m not comfortable, I’m not comfortable.

I understand, I have a similar situation with my in-laws. Their reaction to our pregnancy was 'is this a good thing?' 🙃 so I totally get where you're coming from and I'd probably feel exactly the same way leaving my son with them at any age really. I think what someone else said about maybe staying the night with him is best, that way they technically get what they asked for and you're still present for your own comfort. 😌

Yeah I agree about spending the night together with him. I think you can just be direct that if they’d like to have him over night they need to spend some more time with him first. I totally get it’s not nice where she doesn’t understand your son’s emotions but if he is safe, fed and loved then he will be okay if it’s just for a short time. Maybe go and stay with them and let them take him out for a short time on their own? Then if he’s upset the whole time they may be more reluctant or they may actually learn to listen to him…but will also show you are trying to work toward their wishes whilst also putting your son first.