Change in friendships
On the whole I have an incredible and supportive amazing group of friends. But I’m feeling a bit confused about “losing” friends who my wife and I were once extremely close with.
The two friendships which have gone “funny” are both couple friends, also in same sex relationships.
One couple just cancelled on a mid week dinner because they didn’t want to take their dog on a bus during the tube strike (baring in mind we had to organise family to babysit etc, as we wanted to carve our baby free time to spend with them). I’d also tried previously to meet them for lunch as one works close to me, and I got a reply several days later. One was an usher at our wedding last summer so someone i’d consider a very close friend. He’s met our baby once and rarely checks in to see how he’s doing.
The other just never spoke to us again after they found out we were pregnant. I was about 6 weeks pregnant when we last saw them and said “I’m not drinking as I’m pregnant but it’s super early so I don’t want to talk about it.” That’s the last time we’ve seen them, they never got in touch despite seeing our babies birth announcement on Instagram (the only time I’ve ever really posted our baby on Instagram).
I consider myself a good friend and hate to see friendships dwindle - also at this point I am worried we are the problem as this seems to have happened twice now! 😓
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Sorry to hear that, sounds difficult! Definitely doesn’t sounds like you are the problem, you’ve tried to reach out! Is there any chance talking about babies could be a painful topic for them? As in, they are hoping to be parents themselves and are struggling?
As Sophie said maybe it’s a hard subject for them, not fair on you both but maybe give them space and say when you would like to meet up let us know 🩵
You are not the problem. They could be envious, jealous or just not baby people. It sucks to see friends go but if they can't support you or show up for you at such a pivotal time in your life they don't deserve you.
I'm feeling a similar way, whereas I've not lost friends I feel the distance. Like my daughter is 5months old tomorrow and 4 of my supposed best friends haven't met her, or even asked to meet her. We all have children and partners and lead busy lives, but I'm hurt that not one of them has asked to meet her or checked in with us. Its sad really. This time round I feel more stubborn (2nd baby) and we said if people wanted to meet her they had to travel to us, as we did all the travelling with our son. And it's really opened my eyes.
Anyway I'm rambling lol. If you think the friendship is worth saving, give it one more try, you'll get your answer soon enough ❤️
I totally take that point, but I have been aware of it. Have suggested meet ups without the baby, where possible, don’t really bring him up when we message etc. I do think it’s best to let them come to us - but I’m also worried if I don’t put effort in, things might fizzle to the point of no return ☹️
Thank you , this all makes sense. I do feel like sometimes I go out of my way to be flexible and “easy” for people - and then it gets thrown back in my face a bit when a bus with a dog is too much of an ask..! I do think I’ll call them out if something like this happens again - not to argue but to check if things are ok. Xx
I too have lost friends since becoming pregnant. My 'best friend' that I've known since I was 3 started making utterly rubbish excuses like "I'm going to be ill" or "I know I'll be busy-I thought it was best not to contact than cancel again." She had an abortion a year before I fell pregnant so it may be something to do with that or the fact that her child started Year 1 in school and she made new mum friends-something I pushed her to do because she always complained she didn't have any friends.
My other was my 'best friend' from uni. Granted, her and her family went travelling around the world but they came back. Said they'd visit to meet my 2nd but I haven't heard anything since...when I called them out, they apologised for being busy.
A lovely outcome of this though is that I've realised I have other friends out there that I originally thought of as more acquaintances but who has shown they truly care and make effort unlike my 'besties'.
Good luck, I hope it all works out, if not, they are missing out🤞
I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s so tough. That’s so true what you say, I have definitely found that too with a couple of people who I’ve become closer with after the baby. We’ve also made great friends with two other mums. I guess one door closes another opens and that’s just life sometimes.
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