Mother in law saying with us
How would you feel if your mother in law wanted to stay with you for 2 weeks after your baby is born. Sleep with you and your baby on the same bed/room because she wants to "help you take care of baby" but she smokes cigarettes daily. I don't know if I'm comfortable with this but my husband's mom wants to stay with us for two weeks after our son is born I appreciate the help but I also don't want someone who is constantly smoking cigarettes hovering over my child. I already can't stand her sometimes when she comes and visits us because all she does is smoke weed and talk to me about random stuff. I feel like she doesn't think I'm capable to take care of my own son she also said she wants to help me with breastfeeding and teach me how to change diapers, don't they teach you this at the hospital before leaving? Am I being too much for thinking this way? I've read that newborns arr only newborns for 4 weeks and it's best to cherish every moment with them because they won't be this little forever.
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Make an ultimatum that she cannot smoke if she comes to stay... breathing in those chemicals can be so dangerous for a newborn and can cause problems in their little lungs.
This is from safebaby.org:
"Thirdhand smoke can harm babies:
Babies have tiny lungs and breathe rapidly, so more tobacco toxins get into their bodies
If you have thirdhand smoke on your clothes, your baby can breathe in these toxins
Low levels of toxins can build up to dangerous levels in the baby’s body"
Also second hand smoke increases risk of SIDS so definitely stand your ground!
This time is precious and you may have to break some news to her that she does not want to hear and that’s okay! She’s an adult.
Your partner/husband should be breaking this news to your MIL. She will always love him, not the same for you.
Decide what you potentially want and then have him tell her as his own wishes.
My due date is Dec 3
I have told my in laws that I don’t want company until Christmas Eve. This did/does upset but sister in law but I just don’t want the pressure.
My parents are coming to stay for about a week sometime after we have the baby. They both smoke but are not allowed to smoke in the house anytime they visit. I usually don’t notice a ton of smoke smell left on their clothes and stuff when they’ve smoked outside. I would draw a hard line at sharing a bed though, that seems very strange to me
Well my bf mom already live with us but definitely not honestly. Too many health problems can be caused. If she were to smoke outside with a jacket on then take it off when entering the home & to wash from her forearm down then she would be okay. But I’m personally not allowing anyone near my child after he is born. I don’t want anyone in my room for visits really. I might wait for visitations after the 3rd month honestly. We both come from messed up families.
Help is nice, but a house guest is the last thing you need postpartum!
Um no. That would be a straight up no for me. I don’t have a good relationship with my MIL and I would be livid if she tried that. My husband and I are a team and both agree that she’s not allowed close to us when this baby is born. I’m not even announcing when this baby actually arrives
I don't mind her staying with us it's just 2 weeks seems a bit too long to me and like I said I don't want someone hovering over my parenting skills. She says she just wants to help me because she wishes she had someone to help her when she had her son. I sure as hell don't want to be sleeping in the same bed as her either! If I needed help I could look stuff up on YouTube or Google, heck I could even ask on this app.
I think the gesture is nice because she knows what it’s like and the help she needed but sounds like it will be more stressful than helpful So maybe just say you and husband want to spend time and bond as just a family of 3 but you will definitely let her know if you need the extra help. From my experience the help was nice but the time my husband and I spend together with the baby was of course stressful but a great experience that brought us closer together once we got through it. I will say the help when needed helped me and the dad take a much needed nap.
Extra help during postpartum healing can be beneficial. The support needs to be defined by boundaries and realistic expectations before anyone steps in your house. If 2weeks is too much, what about one week? My MIL was going to come for 2 weeks & then I had a change of heart. I informed her that I could only have her come one week instead due to my need to prevent conflict during this time. She was definitely hurt but I was able to hold my boundaries & that matters most now. Good luck!!
Um you definitely don’t want to be sharing a bed with her immediately postpartum! Your privacy is important to your healing. I get wanting the help but maybe she can come after a week and stay on an air mattress or couch in the living room? You need to protect your sleep and regain your sense of self!
Secondhand and even third hand smoke is incredibly dangerous especially to newborns. This would be an absolute no for me. Would it be possible to compromise that she doesn’t smoke while she’s staying with you guys? I had to ask that if my uncle when he came to visit and he was happy to comply for the safety of our baby. Not sure how receptive she would be to that but that would be my counter offer
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