Addressing things with the mother in law
My husband and his mother are currently in a bad space, she won’t talk to him or look him in the eye when they are actually in a room. Our baby is 6 weeks old and she only wants to visit when he is not home.
In a nutshell - The whole fight is around the birth of our baby, as I had a complicated birth, and wanted my husband only at the hospital with me during this time, and told the parents they can visit the next day, she says we stole her moment and took it away from her. It’s a lot more complicated but this is the just of it.
I’m not comfortable with this at all, as she is only fighting with him but I feel and expressed the same thing - i am overwhelmed with anxiety thinking about her next visit. How do I tell her to rather not come until she has sorted out her issues with my husband? I don’t think it’s right for her to cut him out but want to still be involved with our daughter.
Advice please!
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You can tell her that’s not healthy for your daughter! First of all, just wanna say you made the right choice. I almost didn’t have parents come to the hospital at all bc in-laws tend to make situations more stressful. Your MIL is an adult, she should be able to put her issues about someone else’s choices aside especially when visiting her granddaughter. You can tell her it makes you uncomfortable which in turn will make your daughter uncomfortable and you’d much rather keep the environment peaceful for her sake.
You should have your husbands back so she shouldn’t be allowed round until it’s sorted. Also it’s not healthy for your kid to have someone who disrespects their parent around them
You MIL had no moment that was stolen, the moments after birth are nothing to do with anyone but the parents in my opinion. YOU and HUBBY had your time with your new baby, plus you were recovering from a bad birth! You need to tell her you need some space until hubby and her can resolve their issues.
Or better still, all three of you get in a room and discuss.
Your MIL needs to get over whatever she thinks she has missed out on and look at the bigger picture.
By the way, my hubby and I aren’t have any relatives at the birth or after, so you aren’t alone in this. My mum was a bit upset, but I just said it’s our wishes - we want some time at home as a family first before anyone visits.
Sounds familiar. You have every right to have your husband's back, and to make all the calls when it comes to YOUR BABY.
We didn't have visitors at the hospital (because of covid) and for a while we kept family and friends away when we got home, so I wouldn't get over overwhelmed and so we could bond with him. Covid was also still newer and bad at the time so I didn't want him getting sick.
His one brother didn't like the fact he couldn't come over right when we got home and had a fit when he wasn't the first to meet my son. So I said if he is going to act like this he doesn't need to come around. It's been over 2 years. My mom and his mom don't even come around... don't even call or text or text to check in. If they can't make the effort or try to be in his life positively... I'm not going to force it.
I agree with siding with husband, and just addressing the issue to her. I would simply say “I’m sorry but this situation with between you and my husband is causing me confusion and stress because quite frankly it’s just awkward being in-between a mother and son. I think until you can resolve it it’s best to visit another time”
I seriously don’t understand how she thinks the birth of YOUR child is anything to do with anyone but you, husband and baby???
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