Please any help or advice uk
(keeping it really shortened).....
Ex left and has been jekyll and Hyde , mental manipulation and mind games, come and gone,slept with a girl. He has had no contact the last 2months with our son. I've tried communicating with him multiple times. He has been threatening unpleasant , throws at me im stopping him from seeing our son (which i will never do and have offered him to see him) and wont discuss and communicate about child maintenance sorting out our joint owned home or anything. I can't keep living like this and dont know what to do. I can't move forward or sell the house without him and our son is struggling with his emotions from it all. I'm trying to be there and support him in everyway I can but I'm running out of whatever it is I'm running on. Seeing my son upset and struggling its like knives in my heart and I'm living in this mental limbo unable to move forward. I really just wish he would communicate, sort out what's needs sorting and decide if he wants to be a part of our sons life or not. While he isn't I'm stuck and I can't keep on like this I don't know what to do.
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How old is ur son? If he’s at school, they may be able to provide some support for him.
Re financial situation, does he pay anything towards mortgage etc since he left? If not, get a claim in to Csa so that at least he’s contributing something. U should really do that anyway tbh as paying half of a shared mortgage is nothing to do with providing for his child.
Ultimately u can’t force him to be a parent, I’d stop trying and leave the ball in his court (obv allow access if he seeks it) but esp if he’s being abusive and u contacting him isn’t resulting in any benefit to ur son, ur not gaining anything from it and it’s just adding to ur stress levels.
There’s a really great group on
Fb, it’s called single parents support and advice services - uk based (has 36.6k members, to help u find it). The members have a wealth of experience and advice u can tap into and also they have professionals who r able to help with things like legal, mental health, etc, a whole mass of things.
Thank you so much I really appreciate your advice. My sons nursery is amazing and really supportive to me and our son. They have noticed the emotional upset, behaviour and comments are increased and a struggle for my son at the moment and we are all trying to support him the best way we can and figure out what's caused the sudden increase and upset of emotions that use to be just an odd comment here and there.
He is contributing to the mortgage & some joint bills, but won't agree or communicate on CM payments , he knows I need the evidence to help me apply for a mortgage myself or communicate to sell the joint family house. I'm trying my hardest to move forward + put inplace things to sort a stable roof over my sons head I can afford/maintain.
I can't afford our family home myself god i wish i could so me and my son wouldn't have to loose our home aswell in all this upset.
He can stop payments anytime and enter when he wants to if he wanted. He has also left alot of his things here even though he has his own place.
By him not communicating and agreeing to sort things he know I can't move forward or be stable on my own with our son.
U may well need legal advice on the best way to move things forwards but I really do recommend the fb group tho, hear how others in ur situation have handled it and get some free advice from the groups professionals. Also there will be people who have helped their lo’s thru situations like this so will be able to give more advice on what best to do with ur son. I’m sorry I’ve no personal experience to share but it sounds like a really difficult position to be in 😔
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