Considering to be a SMBC

Hi Kelly, it took me a long time to decide. I waited for ages and then met someone at 35, he wanted children but kept delaying. He changed his mind when I was 41, I left him and knew I wasn't going to meet someone else, plus I wanted children right away due to my age. I fell pregnant at 43 via IVF and had my baby at 44, he's now 16 weeks old. I wish I hadn't waited as the older you get the harder it is, plus there is NO guarantee at any age it will work.
Its a massive decision but I'd give yourself a deadline x

thanks for replying. I met someone and it didn't work out as he already has children and don't want anymore....how are you coping now? Best decision ever? Was going through the pregnancy difficult? X

I had my son at 34 and am now pregnant with my 2nd child, which will be born when i am 37; it is difficult at times but so worth it. We have a village of chosen family that love us and my son has never lacked for love. I've never been in a position to have the nuclear family and at this point I can't imagine it any other way. I've always been very independent, and being the sole custodian and decision maker has been rewarding and straight forward, particularly as my son has some special needs.

coping well, sad I'm not doing this with someone but having a child was always my priority plus maybe I'll meet someone in the future. Having a baby on my own takes the pressure of trying to find someone who wants children too at my age. Absolutely the best decision ever and now I have no regrets. Pregnancy has its ups and downs but so does raising a child. It varies day by day, hour by hour BUT again best thing I've ever done x

I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant it took 3 transfers to have a sticky baby. I weighed up the pros and cons and their were way more pros. There are a lot of women who have children with a partner and it doesn’t work out and they become a single parent which was not in their plan. This way you are going into it with your eyes open and you make all the decisions. Also dating in the future will be different you will be dating them for you not to see if you will want to be connected to them for life by having a child together. This is just how I looked at things but everyone is different.

I've always envision doing it with someone too rather than walking it alone and I'm still battling the thoughts of walking this path...so much responsibility, especially going through this as a single mother. I'm just afraid if it's the right thing to do whether I am gunna be good enough for this baby I bring into this world.. My ovaries are time ticking bomb and soon to be not producing eggs the way it's going.. I just need a little more courage and a leap of faith

Working in the field also doesn't help, absolutely heartbroken when I see a women go though a miscarriage, and then I worry about my mental state if I was go through this hellhole

thanks I've been so focused on taking the steps how most people go through with having a family...meeting someone right and having a family with him. Sadly it doesn't always work the way you want it to

But I like how you mentioned dating in the future will be different.. they'll see you for who you are, knowing you have children already and also I'll not be so desperate to want to have any more kids .. open to it but not a must.

Can I ask are you all proud to tell people that your SMBC?

I’m 41 and on my fifth frozen embryo transfer. The others didn’t stick. I’ve had to do this solo with sperm and egg donor. I really wish I didn’t leave it as late as I did. Although I really wanted to be with someone, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I do think that, although it has been heartbreaking, what I’ve been through, and Covid only delayed everything, I partly feel that at least I was only dealing with my own grief and not a partners. Meaning that, although it was difficult being on my own, I feel that the whole process has been so stressful and painful that it does put an awful lot of pressure on anyone’s relationship. I have a lot of strong female characters in my life, my sister is a single mum for example, and to some extent there’s no compromising. All I say is that it is really difficult, but if this is the part that you’ve chosen know that you are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at you

I'm extremely proud to tell people I have done this on my own, why won't you be! Everyone worries daily about whether we are good mums or not, but the worst thing would be to say you never tried to be a mum and have regrets. Maybe chat to a psychologist and air your concerns. You have to speak to one when going through IVF anyway x

Hi ,

I just had my IVF baby and it’s the best thing I’ve done so far. It took me some time and some therapy to make sure this is what I wanted.

To me, it was the disappointment in men (tired of being their mum, nurse and therapist) and how independent I am what made me make the decision. Being the sole custodian makes sense to me.

I have to say it is not easy to have a child (and my baby is still 12 days old!), so I would advise you to create a good support environment and make sure you’re not alone on the first weeks-one month after giving birth. I have my mum with me and she helps so much and makes things so much easier! But it’s HARD, can’t lie to you…

Oh and yes, I’m proud to say I’m a single mum! It is beginning to be quite normal in Spain (where I’m from), but people in the UK look a bit confused when I tell them… love to talk about the process, feels like I’m doing something good for other women telling my story!

Drop me a message if you want to talk :)

I am in a similar position, I haven’t met ‘the one’ and I feel like my chances of becoming a mum are just disappearing. I have accepted that I want to be a smbc but I’m struggling to get my family on board with the idea. I know if I listen to them and ‘wait for the one’ I won’t become a mum. I’m really interested to hear how people have managed on their own as well (why I joined the app)

Hey it's great finding like minded people :). Doesn't feel so lonely when you make a decision of going down the road of single motherhood. I have gone through egg freezing treatments so I have one foot in.. even that took me a while to pluck up the courage to do it... I've attempted to find the man to walk this path.. but Its just not happened.
sadly.... So I've started doing some sperm shopping/ browsing.. so this is as far as I've got...as to taking the big leap I'm still waiting on my clinic to resume thier procedures with donor programs, as it's currently on hold, but hopefully in the next year I'll take this step... it's important to have a network of people there to support your decisions for being a SMBC.. I haven't got there yet. But I imagine it being so diffcult without a partner. Hence I'm also on here to look for answers too 😄

thanks for the reply! It does make it feel less lonely and make me feel stronger about my choice.

I’ve been contemplating egg freezing but am worried I’ve left it too late and should just try and see if I can get pregnant. I’ve downloaded some of the sperm apps so I’m looking. I just don’t know next steps if I find a donor. My doctor was hesitant to send me to a fertility clinic (old school values that I should have a partner) so haven’t managed to get a referral to discuss my options

Hi Kelly. I'm a solo mum to my son who's 14 weeks old.
I was with a partner who said he wanted kids with me. He already had 3 but promised he wanted more. He then decided he didn't 3 years later when I was 37 so I left him. I knew I didn't want to rush finding someone else and have a baby with the wrong man. So I've done it solo. I've told everyone about my journey and everyone is so supportive. We've even got our 1st holiday booked to centre parcs in May with 2 other families. I don't feel alone. My boy and me are a family. Oh and the dog. I feel so complete. I've never had this from been with a man

Thanks Becky. These comments are really helpful. Happy to hear you feel complete with your baby.. I am just getting out of a relationship and sort of not in the right frame of mind yet... I am seriously considering this beginning next year fertilizing the eggs and taking that leap :)..

My friends tell me, once you have your baby, he or she will take up most of your time and relationship or meeting the right person isn't priority anymore.

I’m 31 and pregnant with my first through IUI - best decision I have ever made!

I’m just pregnant, second trimester. I had similar thought before and they only exaggerated in the first trimester due to influx of hormones. But now I’m getting more comfortable with my decision. I’d say there’s no point of putting your life decisions on whether you will meet someone or not. If you were to meet someone you will meet whether there’s a baby in the picture or not and you can have another together. How would you feel if you wait and didn’t meet anyone in the next few years? Also pregnancy gets more difficult with age. Being a single mom is hard but women have been doing that for ages. You have valid questions but no one will be able to answer them so just think what would you regret the most in the worst case scenario xx

I know this post is not new, but I just wanted to chime in to say that I became a single mum by choice a month ago and it has been the best month of my life, despite c-section recovery! I wish I had done it sooner because at 42, it's unlikely that I'll ever be able to give my little boy a sibling and I would have liked to do that, ideally.

thank you for posting. I’m currently pregnant and will be 42 when baby will be born. Due to other health conditions, I’ll be electing for a C-section. I’m really interested to find out how you coped. How much help did you have? is there any advice that you could give me?

@Anonymous Hi, everybody is different and some people recover faster/ have less pain, but it's no joke when they tell you it's major surgery. I had to have a planned c-section as I had a large fibroid that was in the way of my birth canal. The decision was out of my hands and I was at peace with it, naively thinking it would be a less painful option. If I didn't have the fibroid and knew then what I knew now, I would definitely not have an elective c-section. I'd try vaginally. In the end, my c-section was quite complicated because of the fibroid, so my recovery may have been tougher than a less complicated one. x