Husband messaging work colleagues outside work???
Ladies so I need some advice I’m just really hurt
So my husband few months ago went out with all with work colleagues which are all girls for lunch. He usually tells me or FaceTimes me every lunch to see his baby daughter but that time he never. One of his work colleagues shared a snap of him on his story and I was absolutely fuming because he lied and never told me he went with them to eat lunch.
I told him when he came home why couldn’t you be honest with me and just told me the truth you’re going to eat lunch with these women.
So recently he had one of his work colleagues on his personal snap chat and he was casually messaging her out of work hours and she would ring him here and there and ask him things. I told him I don’t want you out of respect to message your work colleagues out of work hours. WORK IS WORK. Leave it to that. So he decided to delete them of his snap chat. I explained to him as your wife I don’t like you messaging these girls so why do it. Ok.. so he deleted them and that’s it. Promised me he won’t add them back.
Yesterday he was showing me a photo on his phone and a girls name popped up at the top. I asked him who it was he took the phone off me opened the messaged quickly closed it and said no one
I asked him again and he said it’s a work colleague this was a different work colleague. I literally didn’t say anything and walked away crying.
Ladies I am hurt. When this first happened I told him as your wife I would like you not to talk to these work colleagues out of work hours. I don’t like it so please respect that.
And he’s done it again?
Honestly I’m just broken.
Why you craving other women’s attention when you have a wife at home?????
Why even talk to them out of work hours ?
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thanks for that insight the issue is my husband does not even tell me he messages them. The thing is the girl he had messaged yesterday and hid the message he had a crush on her when she used to work in nandos. Crazy I know..
I even asked him. Would you like me message boys outside work hours he said no? So I don’t understand why he can and he won’t like it if I do?
I'm really sorry but I think you might be being a bit unreasonable here x
It's really nice to do things with colleagues outside of work and really common and normal!!
I have a work group chat with my work friends and regularly text them. They're female but that's because I work in a female dominated environment.
I can almost guarantee if he works in a female dominated environment himself he's not messaging because he's craving female attention (especially if its multiple women) he's just messaging them because their his friends.
But because you've drawn a hard line he now feels like he has to be secretive or he'll get in trouble x
The only part that would seem off to me is him hiding the content of the message
Who cares what anyone else does and allow in there relationship. Your feelings are valid. If you ask him not to and he seemed secretly about going out with them it would hurt my feelings if he still did it and lied to you. Once he didn’t FaceTime you like he normally do and then showed up in his colleague snap I would be fuming 😡. Why lie if it’s nothing and why hide anything if I ask who and what I need to know what’s going on. My feelings would also be hurt.
I don’t think it’s unusual to have relationships (friendships) with colleagues outside of work but the fact he is hiding the messages and not being truthful about his actions does come across as untrustworthy so do understand why you feel the way you do. My husband and I have colleagues we message outside of work but it’s not a big secret or anything and will just fall into casual convo every now and again like it would with other friends we have. I’d also say you have even right to feel whatever you feel no matter what anyone else thinks and if he has broken known boundaries then that does need addressing. If the boundaries or expectations are blurred that might be a good starting point for a conversation with your partner.
This is one of these posts that can go either way but I really don’t have an issue with any of this. My oh works in a female dominated environment and he’s gone out before in the evening for a couple of drinks after worked and messaged colleagues. The ringing would bother me and it depends on the time and the frequency of the messaging. I can kind of understand why he hasn’t mentioned it to you though and personally if my oh was saying this to me it would raise red flags. I do think he is being hypocritical however.
He has other female friends I don’t mind him talking to etc I’ve met them and they are lovely it’s the fact he lied to me and said when I confronted him “it’s not I’m sha*** one of them” which really upset me
I’m sorry people are telling you that you’re being unreasonable because you’re not. It’s definitely not appropriate especially since he was keeping things from you and not telling you. That breaks trust. And I agree that as a married man, he should not have other women he is talking to on Snapchat. That completely blurs lines. I don’t care what others say, good marriages need to have clear communication, trust and boundaries. I don’t know what to do from here, but you are totally justified in how you are feeling and I’m so sorry.
thank you Kelly I really needed this
We have boundaries in place and if I’m not crossing them why does he?
He don’t allow me to go out with guy mates and constantly messages them when he’s home. So what don’t make sense to me if why is he doing it if he won’t let me
And tbh I’m not bothered if he don’t let me I don’t need no other man but him to message etc.
he works as a youth offender officer
my husband don’t work around the clock so this is why I say why is the need to message out of work hours
I made it clear the first time he did it. Now he’s stepped the line and did it again. After he said I understood where I was coming from & he wouldn’t want to disrespect me as a wife….
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