Venting

Sorry in advance for the long post I keep telling myself its all Allahs plan and to trust everything is going the way its meant to but it doesnt help. Im crying my eyes out multiple times a week just thinking about it and it seems so stupid comparing it other peoples problems. I just keep thinking i never asked for any of this. I wanted to get married and im lucky to have a husband like mine but i didnt want to live with in laws. We were supposed to move out after living there for a bit and then complications happened with his place and now he just keeps saying soon, we’ll move out soon. Dont get me wrong, my in laws are fine and i have it pretty easy but im just dying for my own place. Then i think about how even if i do get my own place now, it wont be the same. Ive got a daughter and im gonna be running around after her instead of enjoying my time at my new home. I know I shouldn’t but i think about how i never wanted to have a baby now. I never wanted to get pregnant but it happened and if im completely honest, from the moment i was pregnant i just kept thinking about how i really dont want a baby. I love my daughter but i cant help keep thinking about what my life would be like if i didnt have her. And even if i get what i want now, and move out, my guilt would be eating me up that my husband now has to work longer hours to afford the bills etc. During my pregnancy i told him im gonna live with my parents if we havent moved out by the time the baby is born, but i didnt stick with my words and i dont have the heart to keep my husband away from our baby like that. So i suggested splitting the month up between my in laws and my parents but he didnt agree to that. At my in laws, our room is a tiny little space on the third floor with no one really to help me out except maybe my mil if shes free. At my parents, my dad built me my own room on the bottom floor, perfect size and my mum and sister are always available to help out. I feel like telling him hes being unjust by making me live here but i know that will hurt his feelings. He also recently brought up that if we do buy a house in the future, he wants his parents to live with us. I do not want that at all. I don’t care about what his duties are. On this one thing i will be selfish and not agree. All these thoughts just keep making me think about how i dont want to be with him anymore. Which is so stupid cos i love him so much and cant go one night without him. I keep thinking how i dont even want to move out with him anymore and would just love to go back in time to before i got married. I dont know if i just wanted to rant or if i want advice. It feels like me and my husband want different things in life. Hes very close to his family, but i dont want to be constantly around them.