**QUESTION** - SHOULD BABY DAD HELP WITH NIGHT FEEDS EVEN WHEN BACK AT WORK?!😩

At the very least, I think he should be on the sofa and you and the baby more comfortable in the bedroom.

I’m going to come at this from a gentle perspective. My husband went back to work at 6 weeks and he slept in the guest bedroom for a few weeks while he got used to working and parenting. At times this lead to frustration, especially with me just being jealous of how much sleep he was getting. But we had very open and honest conversations about it, and we both worked on being more empathetic to each others circumstances. I think it was around 9 weeks when my husband moved back in the room and started helping again.

Before my LO started sleeping through the night, my husband always would let me get into bed 30 mins-1 hour before he brought the baby to the bassinet. Honestly that alone helped tremendously, it allowed me to fall asleep before my baby.

My husband works shifts so for example this week he is up at 4.15am and gets home at 1.30pm We all go to bed at 8pm and if our little boy wakes in the night he will help with getting up to make the bottle or change his nappy and then I do the feed so he can get back to sleep before getting up as we will be able to go back sleep and stay asleep after he has gone to work. When he works the afternoon shift (starts at 1.30pm and finishes at 9.30pm) he will get up and do a feed in the night as he can then go back to bed after and get enough sleep. It's a difficult one definitely and what works for one family won't work for another but personally I think he needs to be a little fairer on you both x

@Hannah its easier for me to be on the sofa so little one doesn't wake up my 20 month old daughter who sleeps upstairs. Otherwise I'd be in the bed haha x

It's a hard one... they obviously need their strength for work but at the same time I'm frustrated that I'm not getting sleep or much help.

@Kayleigh thanks for your input .... xx

So, while my husband was on paternity leave, he did every night feed and wake up while I recovered from my section. When he went back to work, I told him I would do them as he has a long commute to work and I didn’t want him to be tired and driving such a way! As a compromise, he would do the 11pm feed and then get her down to sleep while I slept, then I would do the 1am and 3am feeds. When our girl was waking around 5am for a feed, he would get up and do that one as it was close to his getting up for work time anyway. It’s completely couple dependant and is about how you both feel, not just him! Could he do the late feed/early one near his get up time to share the load a bit more?

Our girl hasn’t woken for feeds in approx 3 months but I still wake up with her when she needs resettling etc., mostly as my husband sleeps like a rock 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

My partner is a chef so his shifts are all over the place, we also have a dog who gets up 7 wanting a wee and his breakfast (at times it feels like I have another child)
But he will tell me to wake him up to get him to help, but in the same breath I feel bad waking him up as his shifts are around 12/13 hours long a day. But he will help out best he can in the night, but then he also gets up with the dog.
So we compromise and he would get up for the first feed and I would then do the rest. Now my little one only gets up between 5-6am so I just do it but, i think it’s worth a conversation and to come up with a plan that benefits both of you without putting all the pressure on you.
Parenthood is hard on relationships

I think the reason you’ll get different answers from different people is that different things work for different couples, depending on whether baby is breastfed, whether you have other children, what the father does for work, how he commutes (e.g. does he have to drive?) and so on. So I think you just have to talk to your partner and come up with a plan that works for the two of you rather than being swayed by anyone else’s opinion! Hope you sort it out 😊

My husband gets her ready for bed and settled so I have some time to myself and then I do the night feeds and changes. Everyone’s opinion will be different but I figure I have the chance to nap in the day- he doesn’t. He needs to be able to get a good nights sleep for work. But every relationship will be different. This is just what works for us.

We split the nights when our daughter was little 😊 I would sleep from 7-12 in a big chunk and he would deal with our daughter if she woke up. I would then cover any wakeups the rest of the night on my own so he could have a decent 6/7 hours sleep at night and I got 5. Worked quite well for us and neither of us had that resentment as we were both getting chunks of sleep x

So when my other half was on paternity leave he done more of the night duties than now, he is a deep sleeper and literally sleeps through if the baby screams so I don’t worry about waking him up but if I needed him to then he would happily do something in the night. She does however take the baby for an hour in the mornings before work for an hour so I can sleep, and on weekends he has her with him so I can catch up on a little sleep c

My partner is up at 4.30am and gets home at 3.30pm. We all go to bed together at around 9/10pm and I get up around 1/2am for feed and nappy change. Then up again around 4/5am whilst my partner is up and getting ready for work. He can make a bottle, let the dog out, take out the bins etc. When he gets homw from work we nap together. He then gets the chance to help more on a weekend.

So I would do majority of the late night feeds, and he would do the early morning (morning in general) so I could sleep in. I have a bit of insomnia so staying up late or waking up in the middle of the night to feed was easier for me

He should be on the sofa not you
How are you able to be comfortable and feed the baby. That’s so selfish even if he doesn’t want to help

I slept on the couch with my lo in a pack and play for the first month, it was easier for when he was crying to have the rest of the house to walk and bounce him. Then my husband started grape harvest which was about a month of him working 14+hr days. At that point he slept in the guest room and I moved back to our room. My lo was born Sept 10th. My husband didn't sleep in the same room as us until after the first weekend in Nov. He would help when lo would be screaming for a while (colic for 2 months) and the occasional car ride. But otherwise at night it was all me. Besides, with breastfeeding I'm already up so I'd rather him sleep so he is rested and can take him for a drive or walk if lo starts screaming. He would see us off at our 330am feeding, get home around 330pm, take him for a walk so I could sleep uninterrupted for and hour or so, cook us dinner, and then be gone for a few more hours or work from the home office

I agree to a point.

If he wants to get a good night of sleep and not be disturbed, he should be the one on the sofa not you as you’re the one who’s up and down all night, you need rest too mama.

In regards to him helping, yes he should. He helped enough to conceive the baby, but that shouldn’t mean his job is done. I think the most fair way this could be managed is; when he’s got work the following morning, you do the night wakes. When he’s got a day off which I’m assuming is weekends? You do Friday night and he should do Saturday night each week and at least let you have a lie in on Sunday morning for a little while.

But that’s just how I’d suggest it if I had a partner. 🤷‍♀️

If his job isn't one where lack of sleep will literally kill someone then I think they should help but if he sin emergency services or a bus driver or anything like that then it's fair to want a full night's sleep

You shouldn't be kicked don't your bed regardless. He's a grown ass man, he can deal with a crying baby

@Bec this sounds like a good compromise ! I can try suggest this to hubby... but I think sleep is more precious to him right now as he works quite far aswell and has to travel. X

@Gurj you make a very good point ! Will express this to hubby later. Sounds like you have a keeper !! X

thank you for this xx

appreciate this thankyou @

thanks hun x

got a toddler so napping in the day doesn't work x

Everyone’s circumstances are different and it’s what was ‘agreed’ when baby is born. My husband had a mentally challenging job so needed his rest. After 4 weeks off he moved into the guest room in the week and I did the night feeds. At the weekend I’d go in the guest room and he would do the feeds. Once our daughter was in a routine and barely waking in the night he moved back in our room. Now we are both at work full time we take it in turns with the monitor and it’s a system that works for us. Yes it was hard for those first few months but we got used to it.

My partner does the last feed before bed and makes the bottle when he gets up at 5 because baby is due a bottle then, he works morning shift 6-2pm when he comes home he has a 2 hour nap and then takes over from me so I can sort us something to eat and he can have quality time with the baby

We both do all the feeds together as I pump while he feeds the baby. It’s only been 4 weeks though

But for me, no way are we not both staying up during the night- we both signed up for this and I’m also going to be working so I don’t see any excuse. Responsibilities are responsibilities

We also both come from single mom homes so that could also be why we see it a bit differently- they both worked and did night feeds with no help so I don’t see why we can’t do the same together 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe it’s also dependent on the baby- he’s a very good sleeper, we get two hour naps after every feed during the night and sometimes 3 so I wake up pretty rested and so does he

Different things work for different people. I used to do night feeds, Monday to Friday as my husband was working and doesn't function particularly well on broken sleep. He used to do the bed time feeds and then helped with night feeds at the weekend. This worked for us.
However, my partner would never expect me to sleep on the sofa so he could have the bed to himself and not be disturbed when I go up in the night with our LO. He'd wake up briefly when I got up but never for long. So yeah, it wasn't the best nights sleep he'd ever had, but yikes we have a newborn so he sucked it up.

I think your partner is being frighteningly unfair on you. Looking after your baby is a job in itself. Presumably he wanted your baby as much as you did, so should share as much responsibility as reasonably possible whilst working.

My partner does every night shift. He understands I’ve been looking after the house and our son all day and that I wouldn’t be able to keep the house running properly with no sleep. Our son only now occasionally wakes up in the night, but it used to be around 6 times ( I would only do 2 of these)

Thanks for all your advice guies xx given me lots to think about