Not sure how to feel about MIL

There’s nothing funny about sexualizing babies and I would keep her at a distance from now on. Definitely don’t allow access to videos or pictures if she’s showing them to random strangers. What a weirdo.

It might just be a generational thing? Maybe she feels more pressure to be fit and is trying to make light of her own insecurities? I’m sure she’d want to be forgiven if she knew it was bothering you. There’s so many things that can tear families apart, but I think a comment like that probably isn’t one of those things that should keep her away from her granddaughter. Have you talked to your partner about how to resolve this?

@Maritina In this country paedophilia is more common than we may have initially thought. Many comedians make jokes sexualising children in some way and people laugh, we have become numb to something that is distasteful and really harmful in society. Although in her MIL’s case it was not that bad however, it was in poor taste or she’s trying to say the daughter is practicing to have sex which also isn’t any better.

This is really inappropriate, and if she said that, I cannot imagine the horrors the colleagues said. I would remove the access to the drive and have a conversation with her. You should tell her that, whatever was acceptable when she had children, no longer is and that her sexualising your child made you highly uncomfortable, so you have decided to remove the access from the drive for the moment as you feel uncomfortable knowing she shows pictures/videos to strangers and makes inappropriate comments. What does your husband think about it? She is most probably going to deny having said that or try to gaslight you into thinking you have a dirty mind and she didn't mean that, but trust your mum's instincts and do what makes you feel comfortable.

Did you think it was funny when you put it on the album?..No idea what babies doing hip thrusts look like my little one is 3 months 😂. Could she have meant it in terms of dancing and not sex? Seems very, very weird if she was talking about that. I remember when I was younger and people used to say sexy boy/girl about little babies (they weren't pedophiles it was just a term that was acceptable weirdest thing ever in my opinion but then again it was also acceptable to call a baby a terrorist... :/) I personally don't mind baby photos or videos being looked at by other people as long as there's no nudity, maybe I'm being careless but I try not to think what others may think about my child. If it's on your mind I would just ask her what did you mean by they start young?

@Elle No actually, when she says starting young, I think that she means sex, because you can never be too young to dance to be honest, so I don’t know…

I meant dancing sexually...as these kids definitely are starting young in that term. Though also a culture thing thats how they see their family tbf

@Madisen keeping her at a distance is going to be difficult as me and my husband are currently living with her… I never really wanted her to have access to pictures in the first place because I knew she would be sharing them with other people. I get the whole proud grandmother thing but at the same time I’m a very private person, if I wanted other people to have access to pictures of my kids they would have pictures but they don’t

@Maritina I do think that there’s a lot of what she does that could be explained by insecurities. I haven’t spoken to my husband about it yet

@Talisa I’m honestly thinking the same thing

@Ella I agree… I just don’t know what would possess someone to make a joke like that about a child

@Aisha I’m definitely going to talk to my husband when he gets home because it kept me up last night. We currently live with my MIL and sometimes it’s like we have to walk on eggshells so I’m reluctant to say anything for the sake of keeping peace but at the same time I know something has to be done as this has made me feel way too uncomfortable

@Elle I conversation does defiantly need to happen. It doesn’t sit right with me at all

@Ny apparently babies use hip thrusts as a way of regulating themselves as they find the repetitive movement soothing. I didn’t actually find the video funny myself, I thought she looked cute and happy. I never asked my MIL what she meant I was really taken aback but there’s nothing else that she could have meant

you should have asked her to clarify what she meant. made her feel absolutely fucking awkward about the entire thing. “what do you mean ‘starting young’? i dont get it??” and then ask how thats funny. how is it funny to sexualize babies with your friends??? talk to your significant other about this situation. if they also feel uncomfortable then i would next have them speak to mother in law and say the situation regarding the video shared with your colleagues has made us extremely uncomfortable. whatever your reasoning, we find that kind of humor in relation to our child intolerable. we no longer feel comfortable to share videos and photos with you for fear of them being sexualized. the response will be VERY telling

I misunderstood this and thought she meant starting young like starting young doing workouts cause I do hip thrusts (on my back not my belly) as part of my exercise routine. Do you think this could be what she meant? I obviously don't know her character but if you think she meant it in a sexual way that is truly disgusting

@Claudia Yeah I thought about it again myself as a commenter and I think she meant that she starting you know wining as aka twerting, not sexual.

@Ella @Claudia @Claire @Tala @Ali … essentially in the video my daughter is lying on her stomach doing hip thrusts, moving her hips back and forth… When my husband came home I told him what happened and the first thing he said was to remove her the album. He spoke her about it and she kept saying the same thing, that she didn’t mean it in that way, it was just a joke. He told her that he didn’t find the joke funny and asked her to explain what way she meant if she didn’t mean it in a sexual way and she said that it was just a bit of British humour… My MIL’s reaction felt strange to me, towards the end of the conversation after she kept saying that she only meant it as a joke my husband said that it’s not the type of joke that you make, that are daughter’s a baby and what she said is insinuating things that you don’t insinuate with children and that if someone else has said that to him he would have hit them. After that she started crying saying that we were making her feel bad

@Alex Oh yes you’re right it’s inappropriate definetely sexual comment. I hope she doesn’t make sure comments again and maybe you could not let her carry nor take pictures of your daughter anymore.

@Alex Hun, the comment was inappropriate. Your husband handled things excellently and said ALL the right things he is a GREAT protector, never allow anyone to make you feel guilty. SOME English mothers can and do say stupid things and they do normally react like this, I had some similar situations with my ex fiancés mother in the past, where he promoted did the same thing and defended me. She may have a problem with you but it’s not on a deeper level for her a white woman. I’m not asking you to have sympathy. However whatever you do DO NOT say anything bad about your in laws your husband to voice how you BOTH feel so it comes from him alone, and that way nothing gets directed at you. If you stick to your husband and continue being a great wife her inappropriate jokes and probably comments will disappear give it time.

@Alex GURLLLL your man did amazing. keep him. hopefully MIL will come round. it may be hurtful in the beginning but its important for her to understand and respect yalls point of view. even if she doesnt agree.

@Ella @Alex I also thought the same as @Claudia and thought your MIL meant “starting young” in terms of her dancing / exercising rather than anything sexual! So sorry if I misunderstood your original post. Obviously if she meant it in terms of starting young to attract men or have sex that is incredibly alarming and can’t be overlooked. It’s great that you’re aware of these things and are on alert. As Claudia said, you know her best and are the best judge of whether to take it further xxx I wonder if it might warrant a conversation, and perhaps moving up your timeline to get your own space? So sorry you’re going through this, it must be so stressful!