Unkind husband

My husband is the same way at night, unfortunately that's just him when he's tired. If he's good during the day then it's probably just how he is at night. I would sit down and have a serious conversation with him that he can't talk to you like that, and be clear about expectations of each other. Your hormones are wild right now, so even if it wouldn't bother you normally, it's bothering you now. He's your partner, he can change a diaper since you fed the baby.

Not married but living with my partner and our baby is 3 weeks old and i had to let him know i need help with everything so that does mean sacrificing sleep diapers and bottles feed and cleaning and he understands and has changed his outlook on helping me

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Despite the other comments this is not normal, this is not okay. It’s one thing to be groggy and a little short when you first wake up but to be straight up rude, cussing at you, calling you antagonistic for expecting him to take care of the child he helped create??? Even if he’s helpful and nice during the day that doesn’t matter. this is him ensuring that he gets all the sleep he wants and you don’t. A good partner would want you to be well rested so you could heal, so you could keep your milk supply up, and so you could be in the best state of mind when taking care of your baby because sleep deprivation kills. It should be a team effort so everyone can get good rest. Example; my partner and I split the nights into two 4.5 hrs shifts one of us sleeps in the room with the baby and the other sleeps on the couch alone to get uninterrupted sleep. Then we switch. If he doesn’t work in the morning and we can sleep in we’ll sleep in the room

I don’t want to be braggy but I think sometimes it helps to see a situation that is the opposite. If he is home I can sleep whenever I want/need. He is always pushing for me to get more sleep. If I am really struggling he’ll do the whole night himself and only wake me up so I could pump. I’m always taking care of baby, so he is always taking of me, and that’s how it should be. He should be putting you first right now because you are putting yourself last.

@Hannah I've tried to get him to sleep on the couch so I can handle the baby alone but he says it's unfair that he has to sleep there and be uncomfortable when I get to stay in the bedroom. I actually was gonna start sleeping in the living room with the baby so I don't bother him and have to deal with his grumpiness

I’m going to be brutally honest. He sounds the biggest most selfish asshole. His behavior is in my opinion abusive. If you were my friend I would tell you it’s time to put your foot down and say marriage counseling or divorce. Is there anywhere you can go either permanently or for a couple nights to catch up on sleep? Can anyone come over and help during the day or overnight? I feel horrible for you. This isn’t the behavior of someone who loves you. What’s unfair is that you just carried and birthed an entire HUMAN and your body is depleting itself to feed them, you are sacrificing everything for them, did you know the amount of energy it takes to breastfeed all day is the equivalent of walking seven miles? On top of that you’re not sleeping enough, you’re not getting quality sleep, your hormones have you fucked up, whether you delivered vaginally or c section your body is recovering from a massive trauma. And he thinks he deserves 8 hours of sleep and you don’t. He won’t make a

@Hannah I don't have anyone as of right now. We have marriage counseling set up but idk if it'll get anywhere.....I'm not willing to give up

This is not okay. When he's more awake indicate to him that he has a problem and that HE needs to solve it. He should expect to help over night, even if it's timed so he gets a full REM cycle before and after. He should not expect to sleep a full 8+. Whatever HE needs to do so he can be responsible to you over night, he needs to make it happen.

If it continues, you need to seek help. When the fussy stages start he's going to be a nightmare because the baby won't let anyone sleep. If he's mean to you normally you need to think about leaving. Makes it clear that's on the table if you're safe to do so. This is not acceptable

Single sacrifice, he wants you to do it all? He would rather his wife the mother of his child go through all of this alone, get up every 2-3 hours, be up for around an hour each time, and sleep on the fucking couch? Instead of him sleeping on the couch? He really values himself so much more than you that he would rather let you suffer and struggle which puts yours and your child’s life at risk than get up even once at night to help. And then the way he treats you??? There’s no excuse to be rude to cuss to call you things. There is no world where my man would be anything more than grumpy to me when he’s tired and even then it almost never happens he has to be so tired to treat me any less than like a queen. I know I’ve said a lot of very strong things but I had to speak my mind and if you want to talk more dm me, maybe we could FaceTime, it gets lonely.

My husband is neurodivergent and gets overwhelmed easily when things get hard/stressful. Most of the time I can manage dealing with it, but the last two weeks he has insinuated multiple times that I’m a bad mother and that is NOT something I can handle right now. Postpartum is stressful for everyone so I’m just trying to be patient.