I don't know how to not cause conflict with this. My mum lives with me, my newborn and my partner and I have often found myself feeling ambushed and ended up snapping at everyone and getting super annoyed.
Just today my baby had her first bath alone (usually we would have a bath together) in her little baby bath and she was screaming throughout the whole thing. Usually she just hates getting undressed and then she's fine in the bath, sometimes I manage to get her undressed without her crying - this time she was content getting undressed and then cried when getting in the bath which was completly unexpected for me. I was expecting my mum to be telling me stuff since it's her first time being involved in the bath process with the baby, but I was not expecting to have my newborn screaming in the background and my partner also sat there going "maybe she doesn't like X" as well as all the unsolicited advice. I have had a bath with her every single time, I know what she does and doesn't like. For example, my partner was telling me that she doesn't like being on her back so to try to sit her, I said she doesn't like the sitting position in the bath, he repeats himself a few seconds later so out of anger I sit her to show him and she proceeds to scream louder and prove me right š”
My mum was doing the same sort of things and a lot of it was so unnecesary to be said during the stresful time I was having at the fact that my newborn is crying - like she said there was too much water, well how about mention it in the half an hour before the baby was put in the bath instead of during?
And all I kept hearing was: I used to do this, I used to do that. And it just doesn't work with my baby. I cannot clean all my baby's creases with one hand because they are veeery creased, I need one hand to stretch the crease and another to clean inside it. So yes mum, I do need to use the little floaty cushion, I can't just wash her with one hand and hold her with the other! š¤
I seriously feel so irritated, my baby didn't even get a proper bath, she still has dirt and dust in her creases and I said I don't want to try that again till she's older and I'm going to continue bathing with her since that's what works for us, but of course my mum has a problem with it and wants me to try the baby bath again, what on Earth for? If me bathing with the baby in the big bath is not a problem! Does she just feel like she needs to be involved and so she wants me to bathe her in the baby bath in the living room so she can be there?
Anyway I'm ranting a lot, does anyone have any advice? š„²
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Literally the same with my parents! Best thing you can do is just nicely say to them Iām a first time mum and I need to experience things for myself otherwise Iāll never learn. Or listen to what they say and agree and keep doing what youāre doing lol. My baby always cried while getting undressed and dressed after a bath she wouldnāt cry in there sheās grown out of it now but every baby is so different. If itās something you can afford Iād deffs recommend the Angel care bath, you can wet a muslin cloth so itās warm and you can be hands free with babe while sheās in the bath, it makes it sooo much easier and if she is crying you can just sit at the end so your close!

Iād say I appreciate your advice but Iād like to find my own parenting style and way of doing things

gosh this has caused soo much conflict between me and my mom also! She was staying with my fiance and i for a week and had to leave early bc we were arguing so bad. I have asked her soo many times iāll ask her if i want advice and to stop giving her opinions where they arent wanted. Iām sorry I canāt give any advice how to handle momās unsolicited advice but i can tell you youāre not alone! Its very frustrating. i know they mean well but it doesnt make it better. my mom also acts as if she knows everything and gives suggestions how I should care for my baby but literally is too nervous to watch my baby⦠𤨠sorry youāre dealing with this!!

I had to tell my mom that āI appreciate that youāre trying to help, but Iām learning how to be a mother in my own way, and want the space to do so. If I need any advice, I will absolutely get ahold of you. But until then, please let me learn my own way of parenting.ā
Iād also suggest, if youāre comfortable, letting her know that giving you unsolicited advice during a chaotic moment (baby crying, etc.) does more damage than good and isnāt appreciated.