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Birth Trauma Support Group

Introduction post 🩷

Hi all, I'm Phoebe 24 from Leicestershire first time mum to Bonnie who was born on the 14th December 2023 at 40+3

It all started when I went for my final growth scan, I was told that I had low amniotic fluid and that they wanted to test me just incase my waters had gone.
The test came back negative but I was advised to have an induction anyway.
I really did not want an induction but agreed to it anyway as felt pressured into it.

On the 13th December I came into hospital maternity unit at 8am for my induction.
At 10:10am I had my first lot of gel
At 16:35 I had the 2nd lot of gel
My partner had to leave at 8pm
At midnight I started to get quite a lot of cramps/tightenings and a painful lower back ache.
I told the midwife so she gave me a cervix exam then put me onto fetal monitoring.

She told me that the monitor was picking up lots of contractions but they were inconsistent. A doctor then came and told me she wanted to give me an injection which would slow down/stop the contractions. When I asked why they'd want to do that she just said baby seemed stressed and they obviously don't want that. Anyway they both disappeared again and came back 5 mins later and said they'd changed minds not going to do that now.
They told me they would not do the 3rd gel anytime soon as again didn't want to stress baby out which I understand.

I was in a lot of pain throughout the night and the midwifes did not seem to care. I cried myself to sleep. Mostly because I was scared if I'm honest. Not that I got much sleep....I was on a ward with other women crying as well which was sad 😢

At 7am the same midwife came back to me to give me a cervix exam. Without telling me she put the 3rd lot of gel in, it instantly made me jump and pain rushed through my body.

She goes....I've put the 3rd gel in and I've given you a higher dose.
Great 😫
I called my partner straight away and asked him to come in as soon as possible as the pain was just getting too much and I needed some support.
Once he arrived I was barely with it.
I was in SO much pain.

Around 9am the pain gets unbareable, I asked for a cervix exam to see if I was progressing she says I was only 4cm.
I asked when will I be taken down the the labour ward? She goes oh we have no room down there at the moment.

I'd never been in so much pain in my life, at this point I was screaming the ward down begging for help and for someone to do something. Something didn't feel right i kept asking them could i have some sort of pain relief...I was only offered paracetamol and co codamol.

Hours go by of me in absolute agony beginning and screaming in pain. They refused to take me down the the labour ward. I found out afterwards from my boyfriend (because I kept blacking out and dont remember much) that I was 7cm before they finally took me down to the labour ward!!

I got down there around 1pm
The midwifes on the labour ward were lovely but by that point I was horrible to everyone because of the pain I was in.

I was told I could not have an epidural as was too late so I had gas and air and then I eventually agreed to pethidine as well even though I wanted to avoid pethidine because I had heard some negatives to it.
But at that stage I really did not care.

I got to around 8cm and then told me if I wanted to I can start pushing. So I did. I tried my best and nothing was happening.
Bare in mind I kept backing out a lot.

I would black out and when a contraction would hit I would wake screaming.
I remember one minute just my partner and the two midwifes in the room then the next I had more than 10 people standing round me stating at me.
Obviously something was wrong....
I personally think looking back that they knew something was wrong ages before they decided to act on it.

Around 4pm I was told to stop pushing because baby's head was stuck and it would be physically impossible for me to push her out.
They said they needed to do an emergency c-section ASAP or baby could die..!

I agreed to it as I'd been begging them hours before to just give me a c-section because of the unbareable pain.

Bonnie was born at 17:34
She was rushed away code red as wasn't breathing properly. I didn't even get to see her 😢 the only thing I could see from where I was was her chubby legs

Whilst I was being stitched up my partner stayed with her as she got taken away to special care.
She was on breathing support for the first 48 hours of her life she luckily improved quite quickly but had other problems after that like mucus on her lungs because of the c-section and other things kept popping up but she thought through it she was amazing.

She was kept in hospital for a week until we finally got to take her home 🙂 which was the best day ever just in time for Christmas.

That one week felt like a month though. I was treated terribly by the staff back on the ward where it all started after my c-section.
No one came to check on me after my c-section.
I had my own private side room after the c-section. I was left on my own from 11pm to 8am the next morning. I couldn't move I couldn't even reach the call bell for help I ended up spilling my drink all over me and had to stay like that all night.
I could not move whatsoever.

They then forgot to give me an important blood thinner injection when I questioned them about it they told me that someone had already signed it off saying that they had given it to me already I said no ones even been into me yet.
She said well someone signed it off at 7am
It felt like she was calling me a liar...

In the end we reported it and she said it was something they can learn from next time...a learning curve...
Fantastic...so illegally signing off important medication is just a little learning curve mistakes apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️

I ended up not staying more than three nights after the birth due to how shit the staff made me feel. Bare in mind I just had major surgery I was in pain could barely stand had to learn how to get up and get out of bed from a YouTube video. I had no support whatsoever from the staff. They just left me to it kept away in that side room.

I even had one midwifes doing her rounds come in she had my medication and she stood by the door and goes here...medication.
I asked her to please pass the medication to me as was still struggling to get up and move and she said no come here and get it.

So most of my trauma was pain and honesty just how I was treated and seeing my poor baby like that. I feel like things did not have to happen that way.

They refused to take me down to the labour ward until I was 7cm said they had no beds for me but my partner said when they wheeled me down in the bed all the rooms doors were all open most rooms practically empty so why did they refuse to take me down? Why lie?

I keep saying I will sort out having a birth reflection but I'm so nervous to do so and been so busy with my baby who is now 7 weeks old.
Has anyone here done a birth reflection/after birth listening service? Did you find it helpful?

Sorry this has been long I just needed to rant.
I think about what happened every day. There's things I've missed out on this that also happened but this is most of it.

I'm so scared if I was to have another baby one day I would never go back to the same hospital as before.