PLEASE i need some advice.
i am scheduled to have my induction Monday morning at 8 am. my baby’s father has been very narcissistic my whole pregnancy literally, since very early early on. example hes said he doesn’t want to coparent (which I’ve said is fine w me bc i don’t wanna be with him) bc he wants us to be together. if we can’t be together he wants nothing to do with either one of us. one minute he tells me he loves us, then telling me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or my son the next. another one, one minute my son is his son then the next we wants a dna test. pretty much it all boils down to us being together which is not an option. we have each other blocked on pretty much everything, but im positive i have a way to get in touch if i really needed to. but overall it’s just a whole lot of back and forth on how he feels ig you can say. i haven’t talked to him since around new years, we haven’t communicated at all. what he’s said has really hurt me bc I’ve never said he couldn’t be apart of his life or anything of that nature, just that we can’t be together. i don’t wanna be with him and i don’t want him bringing those problems to the hospital where i will be at my most vulnerable. i don’t know if i should tell him about it or not. I’ve sat on this for a while, and with it being so close i still can’t make a decision. i know it’s up to me but some advice/opinions would be helpful.
I’m open to questions to help form a better opinion if needed.
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You’re right, the birth of your baby will be when you’re most vulnerable and when you’ll need support the most. Only surround yourself with love, leave that mess away.
I’m sorry that you’re in that situation 💔
thank you 💕
The term narcissistic is wildly overused these days. It makes me sad.
No, you don't need to be with him.. but just because he wants a relationship with you, the mother - not the unborn fetus - doesn't make him a narcissist? Men don't bond with babies in utero the way women do, so why would he want a relationship with something so unknown? He knows you, not the baby.
If having him around stresses you out at all, don't have him around. Period. That goes for ANYone. Your mom, dad, sister, mother-in-law, your older kids, etc.. doesn't matter. Just focus on you and little baby. ✨️
Don't feel obligated to tell him because he's the father. Your birth experience should be peaceful, not stressful. He can always meet the baby later. Your health and baby's comes first
Try not to focus on him rn , I know that’s a bother but focus on you and baby , stay positive, if he really cares and loves you he will see and understand. I pray he does , have some heart ❤️ stay strong and congratulations baby 🎉
Also, I know it feels incredibly rude and like an insult for a man to request a DNA test but for real, I am so in love with my husband and we always have been and even HE was like "are you sure it's mine??" Like a total nincompoop - ESPECIALLY after our first child. Simply because I took the test when he was attending his brother's wedding in Korea. I was 8-9 weeks along when I found out, and he thought somehow I got preggers during the two weeks he was away.. but like I said, I was already 8 weeks pregnant when he left, lmao. So, he wanted a test or just clarification. If you know the baby is his, you definitely don't need to worry, and you don't need to take the question personally! If you want to give him clarification or put his name on the baby's birth certificate (because they will ask who the father is), I would recommend just doing the test for added protection for yourself. Of course, you can also choose not to name him on your child's documents if he really is causing you grief.
The fact that you guys aren't married assumes full responsibility for the child on your end. Essentially, if something were to happen to you (catastrophic, like death), he won't have any entitlement to your shared child, the state will assume your parents or someone else in your family to care for the child before they give sole "ownership" to the baby's father. I didn't believe this myself. My sister was actually who told me this and I was like.. super furious and terrified as my husband and I were not married when we had our first child. My sister was struggling with fertility and used to talk about me dying and how she would get guardianship of our baby before the man I love, and the father of my daughter simply because we weren't married.. she was right. So I looked into the system to make sure that didn't happen in case I did die, yanno.. obviously, I'm not dead, but these are things to consider thinking about.
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