Stressed about mum when I give birth

I can relate so what… what I’ve done is pretty early on try to manage expectations with my family. Starting with informing them only my husband would be I the delivery room with me. Then telling them I didn’t want anyone around before I delivered (they live far away so they were planning to come and chill with us before the baby came). For me that felt very stressful and as though it was going to take away from the last few days my husband and I had as “just us”. Plus I want to be in my calm bubble before hand not having worriers and opinions coming at me. It was really hard talking to them about these things some got upset initially, but they all seem ok now. It is really hard with family sometimes especially not wanting to upset them, but right now it’s about you and your partner and your baby… not anyone else. Hope it goes well for you🙃

Lay down the law, girl. This is your baby, your birthing experience. Doesn't matter how someone else did theirs. Tell them you will call them after baby has arrived, and that's that. You don't need to justify yourself.

Could you just leave your phone at home on charge and let your husband update everyone in the moment. Hospital doesn't allow visitors and he can gatekeep them and give you that calm space. Plus your phone will show you being at home for them so hopefully less pestering anyway 😅

You won't be worrying about your family in the moment you're actually giving birth, because you'll have way more important things to focus on (and nature basically switches your brain over to in the moment mode), and afterwards you'll be so wrapped up in your new baby, you again will completely forget your family exists for a beat or two (just like your sister did when she left you hanging).

I have a similar situation in that my mother in law is lovely but is a very anxious person and worries about EVERYTHING, and she displaces her worries onto others. My fiance is a type 1 diabetic and he had us both on his app incase of emergencies and she continually would monitor and call me (and stalk his location) whenever his sugar levels went low. It drove us nuts so we removed her from the apps -it didn’t go well but we stuck to it. With regards to labour, we are thinking of not telling anyone when I am in labour, because I just know she will be calling and texting constantly for updates and it will stress us out. It will also mean no unexpected visitors at the hospital or at home before we want them. The last thing I need is my mother in law displacing her anxiety about the labour onto us! I already know she is going to be very anxious with the baby anyway which is going to drive me nuts! So if I can avoid it during labour then I will.

This is it exactly. My mum asked what difference it makes if she knows where I am, but I know she’ll send messages wanting updates and will also be on the phone to everyone telling them I’m at the hospital so they’ll probably all be preparing themselves to come down to visit before I would like them to. I’m a one-thing-at-a-time kind of person so want to be able to focus on the baby and then worry about them afterwards once I’ve had time to process it all.

To be honest, why does she need your location-ever? I have found that the more my mother in law knows, the more anxious she becomes. It wasn’t helpful for either party, especially if they lack insight into how stressful their behaviour can be. When we removed her from the diabetic/find me app we didn’t tell her, and within a day she called us to say why she couldn’t see him. She had been checking EVERYDAY! Which isn’t healthy! I would also worry if your mum does the same with baby. We now do the ethos of a “need to know” basis. We are adults, we do not need continuous monitoring or need to explain ourselves! I am even thinking of us not telling anyone the baby has arrived until we are home and settled and ready for visitors. Like you, we will also be compared to my sister in law who has two children but I couldn’t care less. This is our journey, not a “follow how the sister in law did it” journey.

When I was at uni the calling became A LOT and then we discovered the location app and it helped in the sense that she could see I was at home so didn’t feel the need to call all the time because she knew I was safe. It meant she pestered me less so worked for me. If I confront her about her over worrying she brings up previous loss, which I can’t really fight. Most of the time it’s fine but with this upcoming birth I’m already anticipating the hyperactivity from everyone when all I want to do is stay calm.