How to go about this?

He is passing down generational trauma to his son by making him fear him through hitting and threats of hitting. If he can’t regulate his own emotions in a healthy way why would he expect his toddler to be able to? If your son can be aggressive, what is being modeled for him? If us as adults can’t use our words in a kind way and resort to using threats and physical violence what are we showing the little humans who model every single thing we do. I would show him @biglittlefeelings on Instagram and encourage him to seek therapy for his trauma so he does not take his own pain out on his children. As an adult he has a choice to face that pain and become a better person for his kids- the type of parent he would’ve wanted as a child. Children do not get to choose to get away from us if we aren’t treating them well. It’s our job to work on ourselves and treat them with respect.Connection over correction in every single situation always. Our children need our connection and loving guidance.

I had a difficult little boy when he was smaller and it was really hard for me not to just pop off and threaten spankings too. It sounds like you’re very understanding and patient with him and your husband and that’s awesome 💕 Respect is usually a big deal for men so maybe when you have suggestions about his parenting it would probably be best to only do so in private? And maybe even ask if he has suggestions for you as well to help open the conversation for him to feel like he’s on mutual ground. That way the discussion is more about what’s best for your son overall and not just what you feel your husband is doing wrong. I hope I’m not overstepping on any of these suggestions..it seems like you really care about both of your guys💙

Also educating him on what is normal developmental behavior for his age. Toddlers have absolutely no impulse control yet. Their brain is not developed enough to have it. So expecting them to stop something just because we asked is not a realistic expectation and punishing them for something they can’t control will just confuse them and is honestly just mean. “I see you want to throw the ball. We can’t throw the ball at the tv. We can play catch and you can throw the ball to me.” If he tries to throw the ball towards the tv again then I would say “I am going to have to take the ball for now because we can’t throw it at the tv. Do you want to do a puzzle with me?” And if he cries I will give lots of hugs and validate his feelings of being upset while holding the boundary.scenario with my son lol. If he wants to hit me I say “we do not hit mommy but we can do high fives!” And then I turn it into a game of high fives or hitting pillows or different surfaces if it’s a sensory need or

Frustration needing to be expressed.

omg you’re joking

Why would I be joking

yea I agree and I try to model all of this in my parenting. My post is more about trying to help my husband not automatically go to spanking. I already share all of this stuff with him but to him it makes him feel like he can’t parent or I don’t respect how he parents. I don’t agree with spanking so I’m trying to find a better way to change my husband’s habits in a way that feels like he’s doing it and it’s not me pushing something on him. He doesn’t see spanking as a big no no because he doesn’t understand child development no matter how much I try to explain to him, he only sees our son as acting out or disobeying. I can’t just be in his face pushing him to be better with a ton of info he probably won’t get or pay attention to or he’ll get defensive. His pride is easily hurt

it gives her time to calm down in the play pen plus doesn't seem to mind it and she does calm down and that works for her

Maybe try doing some deep thinking exercises with him. You both can do it together and just say it’s for both of you to learn about each other and yourselves. I would start with writing down everything you wanted from a parent when you were a child and everything you did not want from a parent as a child. Things your parents did that made you feel loved, respected, and worthy. Then things that made you feel pain, disrespected, and caused you harm mentally and physically. Maybe just having the both of you do things like this together will open his mind up to his own cycles and thought patterns and the possibility that there’s a better way and he may remember what it felt like to be a child again. I would also write down a list of things you feel you do well in life and in parenting and things you feel you need to work on. If you’re both doing it together and talking through each thing together then it’s not all just on him and he feels like you’re both trying to work on things.

you’re admitting on a public forum you hit your child??

You're taking it the wrong way

Also I would really just flat out say spanking is a non negotiable. Do not let anyone, especially not his father bully your baby. Hitting is abuse no matter how anyone wants to frame it in their mind. I would be very firm with him that is a boundary he can not cross under any circumstance. If your son was having a melt down in a store and someone came up to him and hit him you would call the police. You wouldn’t let someone else do it- don’t let him do it either. This is his father who is supposed to be one of the two people in the world that love him most. He’s hurting your baby physically and mentally and when you sit back and let him do it you’re showing your son no one is going to protect him. You need to protect him at all costs. Be very firm with him and let him know you want to work on this together but it has to start with never laying a hand on a child in anger ever.

I would give him tye "no bad kids book" as a gift and say: this books was really recommended for parents with little ones, to ease our jobs, I thought we can both read it together.