Don't know how to continue
I just don't know how to carry on. My dad passed away completely out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. He was well and in his early sixties. I've had to keep going for the little one, but it means I can't grieve. I have to ignore that anything had happened to carry on. I cannot bear that my son won't know my dad and that my dad cannot see him changing and growing up. Everything he does is bittersweet. Everyone says things like 'he'll know him through your stories' but it just isn't true is it?
Half the time I'm at my mum's trying to support her, which means I have even less time for me than before. LOs naps end up being disturbed and he can't really play and develop at hers as much as with her dog's temperament I can't put him down much.
Even before this, we rarely had time for intimacy, but now I have 0 interest and feel like I should free my husband. I feel like an awful wife and mum.
To top things off, baby has stopped sleeping in his bed again so I've not slept since 10pm Monday and the nights before had maybe 3 hours tops. I can't function. Dad sleeps through him crying so I can't go in the spare room like he says. It's impacting our relationship as he thinks I won't let him help. But he can't. Nobody can bring my dad back, and he doesn't wake to help at night. At the same time, I get so bitter that he gets to sleep in the spare room. Last night I sat with LO from 10. Baby went to sleep at 8 but I couldn't sleep and then I had to hold or rock him the rest of the night. At one point I was crying so loudly I woke the baby up on my shoulder and I just feel useless. Last week he had hand food and mouth so I thought that was disturbing his sleep but it's continued.
I wanted to try to transition away from contact naps before ,6 months so the habit isn't harder to break,but I'm not home consistently enough or don't have the resilience to calm his crying.
I feel like I won't be happy again and should leave so my husband and son have a chance of being happy together. I love them so much and just think it would be better for them in the long run. Breastfeeding had all but disappeared with the stress, so my son doesn't physically need me any more. I have savings I could leave to help with childcare and think his parents would come and help him. I know it would break my husband's heart in the short term, but they'd be better off I'm sure.
The only family nearby are my mum and I have no close finds near us to help.
I dont know what the point of this post is. I just wanted to write.
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I'm so so sorry X it sounds like an incredibly difficult time and I'd fall apart if my dad suddenly passed away..
You son absolutely does need you for so much more than just milk though X I know you say you feel useless and I get that, but you're barely rested and not getting enough respite and on top of it you're grieving, or needing to but can't! I wish I had a fix or solution for you, just know that you are so incredibly important to your boy x
Could your partner take some days off to let you sleep in the day? It sounds like you're desperately in need of sleep and time to yourself xx really feeling for you X I hope something eases for you soon x
I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can only appreciate how difficult this time is, as well as everything else that you have going on. I can understand how you feel that you do not have the space to grieve however if you are able to get some time to yourself to give yourself that space it is so very important for you and your mental health. Maybe your partner could give you a couple of hours here and there so that you have time alone? It sounds like you’re being a great support for your mum, though it is important that you look after yourself too. Is there anyone that could also support your mum?
You are the absolute world to your baby - they do need you and they love you. It’s very understandable that the stress has impacted your supply - but that isn’t all you offer your baby! They do need you. As does your partner.
Have you been able to speak to your partner about how you’re feeling? Sometimes people find it easier talking to people that they don’t know - there are many
(Cont) bereavement helplines like Cruse - if you feel that would be easier.
I lost my dad some years ago and the grief was insurmountable. I didn’t know how things would ever feel better. I know everyone says this, and right now it won’t feel like this, but time will help. You will always feel the loss but it will get easier.
I feel heartbroken for the things my dad will miss out on (and has done) with my daughter but I am so grateful to have a piece of my dad in my daughter. In this way, you will always have a part of your dad ❤️ a friend recently said that they could see my dad in my daughter and it meant the world to me. You will see that too, especially when they get their own personalities! did your dad get to meet your baby? ❤️
And as has been said - sleep is SO SO important. Maybe your partner can take some of the night shift? Or let you get some rest at the weekend?
I’m here if you want to chat ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear this, my grandad (who was my favourite person ever) passed away, a week after my little boy was born, I haven’t been able to grieve, I hate knowing that he never got to meet my little boy, he saw pictures of him before he passed which helps me, your son needs you more than you realise!
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