Boyfriend still hasn’t told any friends or family that i’m pregnant (13 weeks) and I think he’s ashamed of my pregnancy.

13 weeks is really early to be telling people.

I’m low risk; few days away from second trimester; heartbeat has already been detected; only 2% chance of miscarriage at this point; and if there is a loss I’d rather have a support system than have to be all secretive and suffer a massive loss in silence. You shouldn’t have to wait to celebrate a pregnancy; that thought is outdated. Plus, we’d be telling his family in April anyway, when i’m about 18 weeks. I just wish their was some excitement or general willingness to be involved.

My partner is very similar and he wanted and planned with me for our kids! It takes dads longer to accept and get excited for what’s happening. You have the hormones and knowing baby’s growing inside you - they don’t have that bond straight away - it’ll take time :) I’m sure once you get bigger and he can feel kicks etc he’ll slowly get more into it! ( 1st pregnancy my partner didn’t really acknowledge it was happening until about 30 weeks)

so you're planning on telling them in April but you're upset that he isn't saying anything sooner?

Also; if you want to tell your people sooner for support purposes that's up to you. I told a select few people before I was 16 weeks for support reasons.

Congrats on being low risk but that doesn't mean your partner comprehends any of that. He's feeling his own feelings right now. I get wanting more excitement from him but for most men it takes a while for reality to hit.

I agree that it takes men a bit longer to come around and embrace pregnancy, however, I think it’s super important you vocalise these concerns with him. It’s sad that he seems to be distant in general, has this been just since finding out or prior as well?

13 weeks is early, I only told my parents and his parents early as it was Xmas and thought it would be nice. Didn’t tell anyone else till about 14 weeks and only people who needed to know. Everyone else found out at about 6 months when it became obvious. X

Ask him why he hasn’t, he probably has a good reason. I’m sure he’s not ashamed of you

It does seem to take guys longer to really process that they’re having a baby. For us, it is real so much sooner because our bodies change so much. My husband was pretty disconnected for much of my pregnancy (and I was upset about this too. It was like he forgot I was pregnant until the 3rd trimester, when it became pretty hard to ignore). Our baby is 2 months old now and he became the most loving father once she was born. Being there for the birth really affected him and it was like a light switch- suddenly he just woke up to the reality of having baby.

Aww, I can really understand and appreciate why this is upsetting you and how you are feeling. I agree with everyone else, it takes them a while to actually adjust and believe this is happening. Unfortunately, you've got the added 'issue' of you deciding you will keep the baby and him initially not wanting to. I've very pro-choice both ways, but I imagine that could have put a strain on your relationship? Have you both sat down and talked it all through? I'm wondering if perhaps he's a little resentful that ultimately, it was your choice that mattered most and perhaps he feels a bit like he didn't get say? So maybe he's more apprehensive and feeling unprepared, which might lead to him not believing or not wanting to believe? Genuinely think the best thing you can do is talk through it all. 💖

Have you told him how you feel? I can see where everyone else's comments are coming from, but to me it sounds like he's checking out from your relationship too and being very selfish. There's definitely a bigger issue than him not just telling people. You need to sit down and have a conversation about whether a) he needs to decide whether he wants to be in this baby's life and b) you need better from a partner. You're growing through all these changes and he's not giving you any energy or affection at all. You need to have a discussion about what you both want, as you deserve better than this, you both do, you, baby and him. He's had quite a bit of time already to know how he feels. But you need to have an honest discussion about how to move forward, as can't imagine you can keep living like that, feeling unwanted and ignored and like you're treading on eggshells when you're super excited (quite rightly) for your baby. Whatever you do though, don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. Xx

My husband is very similar. With baby number two he didn’t want to tell ANYONE that we were pregnant, not even close family and wanted to wait until we were into the 20 weeks at least, and if he could, wait until the baby was born. It’s a lot harder for the father to connect to a baby that isn’t part of their body and definitely takes them some time to feel like they can truly bond. My husband didn’t feel a true bond with our first until he was born and I know he won’t again with baby number two until she is here. If I were you I’d sit him down and have a calm conversation about where his head is and how he is feeling about it and ask him to just be honest with you. Being pregnant and having a baby is not easy not only for us but also our partner and is a lot to adjust to.

Its still early and he probably hasnt fully processed. I understand how it makes you feel because we connect to the baby instantly. Its growing inside of us. We feel the kicks. Dads dont have that same connection until baby arrives. My husband didnt want to tell anyone about this pregnancy until we were at least 20w and he still hasnt told most people he know, and this pregnancy was planned. We tracked my cycle and all. Give him a bit more time and talk to him about it again. Maybe you can tell his family together in a cute way or do something that makes it more fun and exciting for him.

It took my husband a while to get excited/it to feel real. And our baby was very planned (IVF). I think after our anatomy scan it hit him. That and seeing my body begin to change. He also didn’t care about the registry. I made it mostly alone, he came right before the baby shower to add some of the bigger things that he wanted some input on (baby monitor, and we still picked a bad one, lol).
We told our families very early (9weeks) due to convenience and I felt like I was getting some bloat. I see my mom every week.
Other than that, we waited until 15 weeks. I didn’t want the heartbreak of having to tell everyone the baby was gone.
My baby is 17 months and my husband loves that little guy so much! He loves our son more than he loves me.

It’s hard with an unplanned pregnancy and it’s hard too since he’s the guy, I know that sounds super stereotypical but it really is hard for dads to connect with their babies. You guys need to work through this together, but I would say be patient and not have expectations for him based off his emotions, that’s a tall order. Like he should help care for you, the baby and provide how he can but you can make anyone feel happy or not sad about such a big life change.

I used to beg my partner to go to sleep too while he played video games. We never had sex … it’s sad but eventually I “chose myself” so to speak and started living my own life even though we lived together. I needed a support system … he wouldn’t show love or affection much. It took a few years before I ended it with him and didn’t plan it but the choosing myself and my own life and finding a new way made my life more enjoyable … if he doesn’t change try to think of ways you can make your own life feel a bit more supported … friends at work etc. ♥️

I get this - I wanted to shout it from the rooftops straight away whereas my other half wanted to keep it quiet. He needed time to accept it and come to terms with it. I nudged him often and we both talked about how we felt, and told people when were both ready - diff people at diff times, eg I told some close friends before 12 weeks for my own personal support, and we told his family together at about 16 weeks, and waited to tell his son til about 20 weeks. So perhaps meet in the middle and tell the people that really matter to you for your own mental well-being where you need support, and then tell him how it makes you feel, ask him how he and why he feels how he does, and then gradually tell everyone else as and when you’re both comfortable. It’ll be much nicer to say it together anyway! He’ll come round eventually, esp when he can actually see bump and feel his baby move - hang in there ❤️

definitely agree with what you say! I think he might be resentful that the choice of keeping the baby was the “winner” vs his choice. Communication is key in relationships, try sitting down talking about your guys’ feelings honestly and without judgment or arguing, try to empathize with each other. He will either come around when baby comes or he won’t. As for family/friends - you can tell them too if you’d like? People sometimes don’t know how to process emotions properly but this is a good example to start learning the techniques of good communication for the future! You’ll have this guy in your life forever now as he’s the father so might as well establish decent communication

Thank you for all the love ya’ll. The hormones had me CHARGED UP last night, and I really needed some validation. Thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone in this 💕❤️💕🥺

Different people have different reactions and feelings and apprehensions. I only told a handful of close family and friends after 3 months. I told my coworkers around 6 months (which worked bc I work remotely from a different state). Give him time.
My husband also hasn’t gone to any of my appts-for first baby it was covid and he wasn’t allowed, and for this baby he doesn’t want to play favorites. I don’t care if he attends either way.
I’m not a very emotional person so I haven’t cried at the ultrasounds or even at the birth. lol I bet you think I’m crazy or my soul is dead !! I try not to get my hopes up or start feeling too strongly bc you never know what this crazy world will throw your way.
Anyway, just be aware that you and he are processing this experience differently mentally and physically. Try to grow closer and lean on each other, and communicate. Couples who distance themselves and keep quiet and feel alone struggle to stay afloat after baby comes.

My boyfriend didn’t tell his friends and coworker either. And honestly I was okay with that. He only told his supervisors that we were expecting (for appointments, checkups, etc). He told everyone closer to the due date (end of Jan 2023) They knew, just didn’t want to say anything because it wasn’t their business. Of course, they were happy for us and couldn’t wait to meet our daughter. They love us like a second family.

Your boyfriend will them his work and friends when he is ready. It takes time. Hang in there

My hubby and I planned for our daughter and even still he was weird about telling people. I told all of my people by the time I was about 10 weeks, and I don’t think he even told his group of friends for at least another month after all of my people knew. He was oddly particular about being able to do it in person and so was happy to just wait on it. I couldn’t hold it in!

They’re just wired so differently. They aren’t connected to it like we are in the beginning. He may change once he feels the baby kick

Awe hun it was the same for me. But 2nd baby was a surprise. I think you’re right he has to be involved when he is comfortable you can’t push it. Just take this time to be joyful yourself and your little one. He will for sure come around when they’re born it’s different for guys. I got too wrapped up w wanting my husband to be happy too it kinda ruined my pregnancy. So I just say use this time to really get in touch with yourself and learn to be happy independently. Lots of love

It does take time for men to process, especially when it’s a surprise. My fiancé (at the time) was so excited when I said I would keep the baby (I wasn’t that excited) and over time, he became less interested (didn’t care about the registry or the clothes that would come) while my excitement grew. And then after we got married and we got closer to the due date, he did a whole switch and wanted to be involved again, he wanted to buy clothes and toys.
Give it time and maybe express some of your concerns a little, gently.

He’s just an ass that’s why. I was in the same boat. Find better