Help/Advise for Resentment of my partner 🥺
I’m starting to really resent my partner and I’m trying my very best not too. I don’t know if he is trying or if I’m just resenting his freedom so much that it’s coming across as not trying.
For some back ground information;
when I was giving birth too our first child his Nan went into hospital on the same day, she’s not been right since and he’s very close with his Nan whole raised him as his mum was either in rehab or on drugs.
My little one is 4 months old and is beautiful inside and out and I love her to bits but because I’ve been the more hands on parent as my partner has been dealing with his nan in hospital then eventually into a care home he’s been depressed. So I’ve taken on the role as solo parent doing everything until he wants to be involved. This has backfired on me and now I have to ask him to look after her so I can have a break which then leads to arguments.
It’s also caused her to not settle with my partner not for bedtime and not when she’s upset either. I breastfeed and pump for a bottle when I ask him to watch her while I shower.. when I tell him I’ve not showered all week I get “why didn’t you shower while she naps”
( but she only naps in the pram when I take the dogs out for a walk)
It’s frustrating he’s always got a smart answer like I should be cleaning/showering exercising when she’s napping it’s really getting me down he works during the week Mon-Fri and stays at his mums so he can go to his boxing gym twice a week and get back into training.
I’m left on my own with our first child and two dogs I have to walk twice a day.. I don’t mind being home with baby during the week but on the weekends it’s filled with seeing his nana who’s recently gone into a care home, doing a weekly shop and then he’s on the Xbox for the rest of the weekend after walking the dogs… I have to physically ask him to hold her while I go make dinner or have my weekly shower, when I ask him to put her to bed so I can have at least an hour where my brain switches off, he does try bless him but my baby just screams and after listening to 10 minutes of her pure crying her heart out I come get her and she settled right away.
I love my partner and I know he’s struggling with his Nan going into a home (she was practically his mother/ raised him ect) so I give him the benefit of the doubt but I feel like a solo parent. All our arguments are me kicking off that he doesn’t do much with our little girl.
So I’m looking for some advice on what exactly I should say to him to not start an argument, if I’m in the wrong and to just wait for him to come round, I’m just struggling being a first time mum and I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong or he is or if non of us are and we are both trying our best.. I miss things I miss walking the dogs up the mountains and going climbing I am mourning my life before motherhood and I know that normal but I hate how much I resent my partner for staying at his mums durning the working week to get proper rest and to train, while everything in my life has dramatically changed.. sometimes I consider breaking up with him so he will have her on the weekend so I can recharge my battery..
I’m sorry this is very long winded I think I just needed to write it all down and vent!
I would still appreciate some thoughts on the matter!
Much love mommas! đź’–đź’–
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I’m so sorry to hear this! And good on you for wanting to sort it but in the right way. Could you sit him down and really let go about how you feel and how much you’re struggling, you want to support him and do right by him but to do that you need to be in a decent place yourself. Could you ask him to stay at home one or two nights during the week to start as a compromise, and say it like I want to stay connected to you to be there for you as well as have some time to yourself? And suggest him having baby for a few hours one weekend as you have to go somewhere, and he might then realise how we can’t just live a normal life fitting into a baby’s nap schedules!! I know his situation sounds so hard and of course you want to be there, but he is also being selfish in maintaining his training and gaming time when I’m sure you’d love to be able to do the same! X
Sounds like you're a single parent and he's being incredibly selfish. Tell him to either pay for childcare to give you a break, or make him man the fuck up and look after his own child. I can't believe he basically doesn't look after her at all!! Also not staying at home wtf? My husband slept in the spare room with our first and with the 2nd he's adamantly choosing to stay in our bedroom with the baby because he thinks that being in seperate rooms the first time dented our relationship. He will also look after her whenever I ask him to. If I've had a bad day sometimes he comes home from work and I just had him the baby and say I need a break, and he takes her, no complaints. Your partner is currently not a dad, I'm not sure he's even really your partner right now if he's never there....
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