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Surviving the Narcissist

WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO HAVE A TRAUMA BOND AND HOW I DISCOVERED THE TRUTH

I couldn't breathe. The sobs came from some deep dark place within me. I heard myself wailing, a sound I had heard before only from those traumatized by death.

He stood there above me, at the top of the stairs, arms folded, a cruel smirk flitting across his face.

The realization dawned. He was enjoying this. My pain was a game to him. And I ran.

We'd been married 15 years when I left. He had finally toppled me over the edge. I was crazy, just as he said. I was not a nice person. He didn't want me. I was 60. No one would ever want me.

So I left. And my world crashed down around me. At the time, I likened it to throwing my life into the air, to see where the pieces would fall. They fell alright, and I fell with them. I couldn't cope with the simplest tasks of daily life. I couldn't even manage money. He'd always controlled that, as he did everything else.

For months he toyed with the idea of us getting back together, only to say he didn't want me after all. Time and again, the hopes came and were dashed. With each rejection I yearned for him more.

I learned he was toying with his new supply in exactly the same way, the new supply that was already in his life, and his bed, before that terrible day when my world came to an end.

My eyes leaked continuously. How could love be so addictive, so dependent, so traumatic? I read obsessively. I learned for the first time that for all those years when I had sought only love, I had been abused and controlled for his gratification, that evil people don't just exist in fairy tales.

One book mentioned Stockholm Syndrome, where hostages bond with their captors. Knowing a little about captive hostage Patty Hearst, I didn't see the relevance but it piqued my interest and I read on. Suddenly there I was, leaping out of the page before my very eyes. At last I had a name for the living hell I had been going through. Trauma bonding.

I felt a surge of relief. I wasn't crazy! It was a watershed moment. It opened the door to a level of anger I had never experienced, cathartic, healthy, healing anger. I went on to learn a lot more about PTSD, C-PTSD , triangulation, and all the other by-products of an abusive relationship. But learning about the trauma bond brought one stark realization……..

REAL LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT!

What I had thought was love was not. It was injury, trauma. Slowly I started to heal. If this is you, here's the information that may set you free...