Divorcing because my husband ask for paternity test. Honest thoughts?

Not going too far. I would have done the same. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Not too far at all

This is incredibly hurtful and definitely not okay. Did you talk to him about how it made you feel and why he asked? If this is resolvable definitely try. Maybe marriage counseling would be a good start? It’s very rare for kids to grow up with both parents nowadays, so if that’s been your only issue I’d try to salvage your marriage!! BUT your feelings are extremely important and if you truly think this relationship needs to end go with your gut.

I wouldn’t have taken it as far as this if I was in your shoes, I would’ve gotten down to the bottom of his trust issues and went to counseling for a while.

For the first time reading a post I’m so proud of a stranger on the internet! Bravo you!!! Relationship is built is on trust and he didn’t trust you 🥺 it’s his loss and I wouldn’t stand for a man who doesn’t respect me or his family don’t respect me! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 you go girl!

Not too far at all.

It’s a pretty serious betrayal. I think deep down you know this is the right thing - you’ve already made so many steps towards independence. Is there any part of you that wants a reconciliation? If not, don’t second guess yourself. Keep moving forward.

I would do the same. Whatever reasons he had, this was a betrayal. I know it hurts, I would too be really upset. But what’s marriage if not two people trusting each other? And he clearly displayed he doesn’t trust you. Also the disrespect 😢😢 and to tell this business to his family is just the cherry on top of this betrayal cake. Any hurt or trauma will pass, you will heal from it and start new life with your baby. Sending loads of positive energy ❤️ You should be so proud 😊

So he married a black woman and didn’t care to understand we can make any race lol one reason why interracial relationships seem off to me because what do you really know about me….. I wouldn’t be mad he asked for a DNA test because I feel men should be entitled to one being that they almost always get the short end of the stick. Some take care of and some pay CS for years to a baby that isn’t his. However, the fact he waited, I assume for darker skin and afrocentric features to appear? That would have set me off, but if he asked in the beginning, I wouldn’t be mad. I like your swift actions, but only you can answer this question. To me it seems you have a little doubt being that you are looking for validation here. If your mind was truly made up, I don’t think you would be asking, IMO. But maybe taking space would help you make a final decision…. Only time will tell. But I think you are reacting off emotion and that’s why your decision is cloudy…🫶🏾

You can never go too far for your own dignity and sanity. Do whatever you have to do for the sake of your baby 🤍

As you should 👏

He clearly doesn’t trust you and for me that’s a deal breaker. I’d do exactly what you’re doing, good luck!

Well done on saving so much and getting on track! You're an inspiration to mums who are not happy but feel like they can't change things ❤️

👏🏻 good for you for doing this! He is the one who went to far by asking for a paternity test. You both are married and the audacity he had.

I think that's a valid reason for a divorce. But I want to remind you that as a default he is entitled to 50% custody. You need to think about how that will work, or if it will work given her age, if she's still breastfed etc.

He's a puppet to his family. They can enjoy each other.

That’s incredibly disrespectful and hurtful. But tbh I’m not sure if I’d jump the gun and head straight for a divorce. I guess it would depend on if there were other red flags and our ability to overcome this huge trust issue. Also, the family you’ve built with him should always come first. Why does his family even know about this? Did they encourage it? Sounds like some serious boundaries need to be made.

I think it’s a bit extreme to jump and ask for a divorce. Did you try asking why he felt like he wanted one? For us women, we know 100% our baby is ours. For men, they never know for sure without a paternity test, if that made him feel better is it really a big deal? I can understand you feeling insulted, but if it makes your husband feel better, is it so bad? Of course he should have trust but some men get in their head. I personally would have been happy to do one if it made my husband feel better. I would explain I’m a bit annoyed but I wouldn’t jump to divorce.

@Indy oh sure because couples in same-race relationships never get dna tests. You then literally go on to say that you wouldn’t be mad that a man asked for a dna test. Which is it, is it ok for men to ask for dna tests or not? From what Incog has shared so far, this seems to be a trust issue, stop trying to twist it to confirm your prejudices. If you think interracial relationships ‘seem off’, don’t be in one.

Nope. Scare him

1. How dare he 2. He didn’t have to get his whole family involved 3. This insecurity raises a red flag for me about his own loyalty. Is he projecting or does he genuinely have trust issues? Good for you for standing your ground and being independent. Even if you guys work it out, he knows you won’t be taking any bs from anyone 🫶🏼

@Sorrel girl bye. If my man asked for a DNA when our children were born, I wouldn’t care. In fact, I asked him, yes I asked him. Regardless of me knowing for sure who the dad is of our kids, that should still be okay for him to request. So miss me with that. Incongnito mentioned her in context highlighting she is black and he is latino. What I said about that portion still stands and if you have a problem with the capabilities of the black coochie, take it up with the creator because it’s above me sweetheart. No prejudice, I am just stating facts and if he married a black woman, he should know the possibilities when having a baby… not waiting 6 months to request a DNA test. Seems that’s the part you missed because it’s okay to ask but don’t come asking 6 months later when you start seeing something you feel isn’t right because you’re not asking from a good place unlike if you requested it in the beginning.

GOOD👏🏼FOR👏🏼YOU👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@Nina agreed with all of this!! When a baby is born they end up Looking like dad Looking like mom Looking like a mix of the two Or surprising everyone and being the reason why people find out about mixed race extended family heritage 😂😂😂😅😅😄 ( facts, though)

I’d be pissed too! If you’d cheated and he’d asked for one then yes fair enough! But if not I’d be so mad that he can’t even trust me - if you don’t have trust then you have nothing, but like what’s his reasoning for this?🤔 I wouldn’t blame you for not being able to get over it, if your relationship in general was good before this then it might be worth taking some time apart and not going ahead with the divorce yet, once the situation has calmed a bit you might change your mind or once you hear what he has to say you might be able to forgive x

You pretty much got your mind made up girl. I would be furious too ! I totally understand where you're coming from, by the looks of it you got it all figured out without him. For him to go and tell his family as well? That is just low ! That is something you keep between you and him not go tell the whole damn world! So do what your gut tells you ! Do you boo. 🤍

I would leave tbh

@Megan @Monie✝️ @Kamree @Lauren @Kimberly Dana @Sharon @Sylvia @Katerina @Indy @Kat @Sam @Sally @Ashley @Ella @Mee @Jess @Nina @Elizabeth @Cass @Apryl first of all thank you all for your feedback and kind words with support! I read every comment. So when I asked my husband what made him want a dna test he said “you’re always alone in the house especially when you got pregnant, everything looks the same everyday as if no one is home. I felt like you did that on purpose so it wouldn’t raise my suspicions if you were cheating but it did the opposite. I work 10-12 hour shifts every single day i know you get lonely” those were his EXACT words. I just looked at him. I don’t want to blame anyone for what goes on in our marriage but this sounds like his mother. She has been the leading cause of disagreements since we met and the fact that it hasn’t stopped after 4 almost 5 years of us being together, scares me. I don’t want to come second to her anymore. My husband knows he messed up this time

I can tell, I knew he was a mamas boy when I got with him but men like that usually are good men so I didn’t really care, I thought I could handle it. I’m getting too far with blaming his mother because I THINK she put the idea in his head but I digress. I know I want to leave but part of me wants to give him another chance, a very small part. I don’t believe this will be the end of it, I just know it. I’m ready to leave. He’s at work so much, our daughter doesn’t really seem bothered by him which makes it easier. He is a good father and I’d never keep our baby from him but I can’t live like this. I didn’t tell my family about what I just went through, they love him and this will throw them off. I’m dealing with this alone.

Love the actions you took!! You don’t deserve that. He should’ve known better than to ask. I bet his family put him up to it.

I'd divorce over something like that, his behavior is proof that there is no trust in the relationship and without trust a relationship is doomed sooner or later anyways. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughter, it's a difficult situation but you are a strong woman and did what you thought was the right thing. I'm wishing you success in the future ❤️

I'd be there with you, I'd have no love for a man that did that to me

That’s so insulting. What’s worse, and my husband and I both agree on this, how could it be worth it to him to potentially lose his relationship with your daughter after being her dad for six months?! I know and believe you that your daughter is his but it’s so sad that he would risk that. What would he do if it came back not? Just abandon you both? And to involve his family like that. What in the world did he say to them for them to encourage him to get a test? He’s obviously not very loyal to you to be telling them something like that. It’s all so sad.

No offense but I feel like you may have bigger issues if him asking for a paternity tests makes you jump straight to divorce. I agree it pissed me off too but I also understand that that surety feeling you have about him being the father is only you being allowed to feel that. Kinda of a catch 22, I think it’s a dick move to ask for one but I also would want my child’s father to undoubtedly love his child with all his heart and head. Some things make sense in life and some don’t, I think for a man this is just one of those things. Blessings on you mama, I hope your introduction to motherhood goes beautifully 💜

I would guess it was his family pushing for the dna test. Then he finally caved and asked after they had been in his head about it. I personally think immediate divorce might be too far. But there’s always so much extra stuff we don’t know. If this pushed you to divorce, there are probably other things that were already pushing you to there anyways.

@Alecia @Leah my bigger issue is pride, I THOUGHT we had a pretty close to perfect life and family. I don’t want to be the idiot who stayed with her husband after he drastically disrespected me and our daughter. His reason for paternity is not valid to me or fair. And the fact that I know I’ve been nothing but a loving, doting, and faithful wife and it’s gone unnoticed, just shows me everything I’ve done has been in vain.

@Wendi I think a lot of people don’t like to see that or can’t relate, these people didn’t come to our wedding because they didn’t agree with us getting married. I figured okay they’re set in their ways, I accepted that and didn’t focus on it. Then when we are together (holidays, family events) they’re hella passive aggressive and often speak in their native language which I do not understand. My husband tried to check them about it but it didn’t stop, so I completely opted out of spending time with them. My husband is successful, when I got pregnant, his mother grilled him. She was not happy at all and he told me the things she said pertaining to his money and shit like that. He’s never really defended me when it came to them, I think he thinks I’m excluded from the stereotypes they have about black people and I don’t like that. I love my husband but I love my people too.

@Renee my husband was ecstatic at the news we were expecting, he was overjoyed and completely in love when I gave birth. It’s hard to believe that he’s always been curious about paternity, I just don’t believe he’s always had doubts. He’s been feeling like complete shit these past few days he looks at our daughter with guilt and regret for doing this. He told me he knew he fucked up when I agreed without push back and he wanted to back out. I still would’ve gotten it and he knew that. I’ve been sleeping in our daughter’s room for weeks now. We haven’t had sex February. I installed cameras in the house that we both have access to, I have not let up off his neck since he asks for a paternity test. The more I talk about this I’m actually starting to feel bad for him. I’ve continued to make him dinner every night and he eats alone. And he doesn’t know I’m moving out of this house next week.

🫂🫂🫂

I’d say it’s a bit much for an immediate divorce. What he did was VERY wrong and I would be very upset as well, because it shows that he doesn’t trust you or he could be the one cheating. Sometimes the cheater accuses there partner of it, but I’d talk it out and maybe move out for a couple days to see how you feel. But also it is totally your decision if you haven’t been happy in your marriage as well as this coming up then go ahead. Whatever you do I support it. 💕