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Birth Trauma Support Group

My birth story

Hiya, please don’t read if you don’t want to! I know that not everyone can handle this sort of thing but I find it very hard to talk about and get over and I think getting it all out is the first step!

So I’m Lilu, 20 and went into labour naturally with my baby boy at exactly 39 weeks. We stayed at home until ai hit 5cm and my contractions were getting quite close together and then went into hospital. I have a little medical trauma and am utterly terrified of doctors and have PTSD from family around needles so went midwife led. The actual birth of my son went well. I was at home in labour for around 19 hours but when we got to hospital he was out in about 4 hours and healthy. I had a water birth and my partner was as supportive as ever. After I had my boy, I got out the pool and my midwife started to checked me. I passed my placenta naturally and she said I had no tears and a normal amount of bleeding and she went to get a start on my notes and discharge paper work. Another midwife came in and told me that I was doing good and that I should shower and left the room. I stood up off the bed and walked towards the bathroom when my vision went entirely black, I fell back onto the bed and started seizing. My partner put the baby down and pressed all the call buttons. The midwife came back and said that I had just fainted because of low blood sugar and that I was being a little dramatic. She gave me a sandwich and crisps. Then it was shift change. The second midwife who came in was a god sent. At this point it is around 6-8 hours after the birth of my son. She asked me to try and stand up again, and as I did blood gushed out and completely covered the 4 puppy pads I was standing on. She helped me back down and asked to check me. This is when she told me I had 3, 3rd degree tears (internal and external) and that my uterus was bleeding way too much too. At this point she said she couldn’t do these stitches herself as they were complex and said that I needed emergency surgery as I had already been bleeding out for 8 hours and no one had noticed because I had been laying down. I had lost 2 litres of blood at this point and my iron count was 11 instead of 100 lol. Suddenly there were 2 more midwifes, 2 blood specialists, 2 nurses and a surgeon in the room as well as everyone who had already been there telling me my options. At this point I start PANICKING. I am utterly terrified of needles and they were talking about putting a cannula in. I used the gas and air to somewhat sedate me as they did it but they were unable to get anything in or out of the cannula as my veins had started to collapse. They made me sign a load of documents and confirm my partner is the father of my son. I started asking is I was going to die and she looked worried and said “I will do everything I can to make sure your baby goes home with a mummy but he definitely has his daddy ok?” I kept repeating am I going to die and she kept repeating her answer. I passed out on the way to surgery. The surgery was 3 hours long, I had 4 blood transfusions, 4 plasma transfusions and a few saline before I woke up and after I did, I had 3 antibiotic infusions a day for 3 days through a metal cannula they had put in once my veins started to collapse. My partner was a mess. He had been asked questions to “try and help save my life” while I was in surgery and told to prepare himself in case I didn’t come out of it. I love my boy and his birth but it was utterly traumatising.

So sorry for such a long post. Thank you for reading if you did <3 just needed to get it out xx