I know this is a vent about husband/bf group but I need to get this off my chest.
I’m 25. I’ve only been in 2 relationships, with my ex and my current partner.
At 16 I started working a full time job, this was before my ex. Ex and I started dating 7 months after I got my job. 1 year later (17) someone new started working at my job and I had to train him. We spent a lot of time together, I developed feelings for him, never acted on them. I only ever saw him at work. We’d work the same shifts sometimes, my workplace was like a big family, everyone goofing off, laughing and telling our life story.
Well one day my mom and ex came into my work place to come and pick me up, my ex saw me laughing with the guy I had feelings for, hence everyone else was laughing with us but obviously he only had his eyes on us.
We get home, ex says “why tf we’re you laughing with that guy” and I said “we were all laughing together, I’m sorry”. Ex HATED him because of that.
Ex and I broke up MANY times during our relationship. So the first time we broke up I asked guy from work for his number. Found out he had feelings for me too. We never been together, relationship wise, made out a few times and that was it.
Fast forward, I became pregnant at 19 with my ex’s baby. I didn’t tell guy from work because I didn’t work there anymore and we stopped talking. He’s always been on my mind and one day I reached out to him because I was super depressed and ex was abusing me while pregnant. He said to me “why didn’t you come to me when you found out you were pregnant” and I said “I was scared and didn’t want you to look at me differently” he then asked me how ex felt about it and I told him he told me to get an abortion as soon as I told him. During this time it was too late, I was 2 months pregnant.
We stopped talking, I had my baby summer time 2019. Everything was going well.
Well ex left when he was 3 months old, so I was single mom at 20. October came around and my friend was having her 20th birthday, I went and we were drinking in her backyard having a good time. I didn’t want to walk home so I messaged guy from work asking if he could pick me up, he said yes when he was done working which was midnight.
He came and got me, I got in his car. Once we arrived at my house before I went inside I told him all my feelings saying “I’m in love with you”, “I know you don’t feel the same way”, “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you when I was pregnant”, etc. he said it was okay and it’s difficult right now because I’m 20 with a baby and he was only 18 at the time (yes 2 years younger than me). We ended up kissing and him telling me it’s okay (he had golden retriever vibes).
Well fast forward we stopped talking for a a VERY LONG TIME. January 2021 I got into a new relationship. We had a baby September 2022. October 2022, a different friend of mine was having a birthday party, we went. I got super drunk (first time drinking since being pregnant). I woke up from the couch and I saw the guy from work called me on Snapchat. All my feelings came back that night. We were talking and I asked him why he reached out and he said “I was thinking about you and wanted to know how you were doing”. I told him I was in a relationship and had a new baby. He congratulated me and what not.
Fast forward to, today; new partner and I have 2 children. This is where I feel terrible. I know I am in love with the guy from work. I have been for MANY years. We started talking and he said to me he felt the same way and he didn’t act on his feelings because I kept promising him I would leave my first ex. I told him I tend to push people away and I was scared to get into a new relationship.
I feel like I have messed up in life and that I should be with him. I don’t believe in the whole “soulmate” thing, but MANY people have told me he’s my soulmate because of how many times we’ve stopped talking but found our way back to each other.
I don’t know what to do, I like the guy I’m with, but I’m not totally in love with him. And I don’t want to leave him to be with this guy because I don’t want ANOTHER BD (I already have 2).
Why do I feel this way? I feel so guilty, how can I be in love with someone else.
I’m thinking it’s because my partner doesn’t pay attention to me nor the children. He pushes us away and doesn’t give me what I want.
Am I a bad person? I feel like a bad person. Has anyone been through this?
I’m so lost😔
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this comment made me cry, in a good way. I wouldn’t introduce the new guy to my kids until I got the okay from my current partner and he felt comfortable.
I don’t even know if he still feels the same way about me and don’t know how to ask in a subtle way without asking (if that makes sense).
He says he actually loves me. Anytime he pays any attention to me is when he wants to have sex and I feel disgusted thinking about that. I’ve asked him he he truly loves me and brought that up to him and he says “yes I truly love you, it’s not just about sex”, but we just been going in circles.
Current partner and I constantly fight, and when I mean fight it’s shouting at each other and him telling me to just leave and go back with my ex. We mainly fight because I ask him for help around the house and he starts getting mad at me saying “I work 40 hours a week while you stay home and do fuck all” (continued in second comment)
I’m on maternity leave and have been on maternity leave since September last year and go back to work this coming September. He thinks I do “fuck all” cause the house is always “destroyed” by “destroyed” he means toys in the living room and a couple dishes in the sink.
I’ve expressed to him that it’s hard keeping up with the house work when I have a 17 month old and 6 month old to look after.
He’s told me it can’t be that hard and I said “when I’m tending to her (6 month old) the (17 month old) is running around and destroying things. I feel so burnt out.
I’ve always wondered why we kept coming back to each other and that is true every time we re-connected we were in different times in our lives. It seems I’m just going around the block with him and it’s always “right person wrong time” type of thing.
I do believe that in the near future work guy and I will end up together, I just don’t know when.
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