Is it bad for baby to self-soothe?
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I think there’s a difference between self soothing and letting them scream/cry to sleep. If baby is just fussy for a while before falling asleep, I think there’s nothing wrong with that and I would leave them be. But if my baby started really crying I would go pick him up and sooth him, then try again
Right, I see what they could've meant now. I am talking about my 18 month old not wanting to go to sleep at bedtime and literally laughing at me through the slats in the cot when I sit next to the cot to try and see if sitting next to him helps.. but it just seems to make him hyper! I think he's better when I'm not in the room tbh but will always, always go in if he's distressed or crying xx
You're not doing the "self soothing" they're talking about. The guy who did the original study actually regrets labeling it as "self soothing." There are quiet distress babies and loud distress babies, meaning some babies cry when in distress and others don't. And even beyond that study, some babies have low attachment needs and others have higher needs. My friend has a son who needs someone glued to his side to sleep. Her daughter will cry until she gets put in her own cot to sleep. Literally will cry when you hold her and then go right to sleep when laid down. It's individual based on every baby, but crying it out in the name of "self soothing" or training a baby to sleep is not beneficial. These are skills learned by parents consistently responding to a child's needs. So if they're fine without you, then you've done a good job responding to their needs!
Yeah this is the positive type of self soothe that health visitors talk about (uk experience) very different from cry it out. It sounds like you staying in there with him just distracts him at the moment so you’re probably doing the exact right thing! Don’t worry, he knows you love him!! ♥️
If your baby is not screaming and is calm then there’s absolutely nothing wrong at all, keep doing what you’re doing. Babies can’t actually self-sooth, that’s a myth. They don’t have the emotional regulation to calm themselves down BY CHOICE, they calm down because they give up crying because no one came or because they’re so exhausted from crying.
Here’s my take on those pages and such… there is a SPECTRUM of child-parent relationships. There is no “right way” to parent. Have you ever met a person and thought to yourself “wooo.. boy, you definitely were left to self soothe as a baby cuz otherwise you…” No. You haven’t 😉 you’re doing great! You are doing what is best for you and your baby! Follow your gut. Unless you’re physically or intentionally harming your baby, you’re doing fine. We all do what we think is best for our kids and that is not going to be the same as what others do! My friend still breastfeeds and cosleeps with her 15 month old. Meanwhile, I sleep trained both my kids and stopped breastfeeding my first at 13 months and my second at 6 months. All for my own reasons. And my boys are happy, healthy and thriving! And her little bub is happy, healthy, and thriving, too! 💕
My son is a natural self soother and started doing so from about 8 weeks old. We always did contact naps together through the day but he has always settled himself to sleep at night. He is now a very affectionate 2 year old and loves nothing more than a "nunnel" (cuddle). I think a lot of it just comes down to personality. I don't think it's as black and white as this x
@Anna I agree with your statement HOWEVER as early childhood development is my career I OFTEN look at someone and think they have been CIO sleep trained as an infant lol
I think they’re probably talking about ‘self soothing’ in the context of sleep training as there’s an assumption/misconception that sleep training teaches babies to self soothe. Self soothing is developmental and if babies naturally learn to do it there’s nothing wrong with it at all