Putting a ring on it
My boyfriend and I will have been together 5 years in August, we have just welcomed our little girl into the world, and we are well settled and frequently talk about the future. We are not married, not even engaged, which obviously means little one has my surname until she is registered, and he jokingly cussed a letter that referred to her as baby-mysurname. Not even I want my surname; without getting into details, I don't see the point in having someone's name who has never been there for me. I keep wanting to change my surname to my Mom's maiden name. However, I don't want to go through the hassle of changing my surname to have to change it down the road again anyway, it's expensive and long-winded. I have been more than open and honest with him that I want marriage, sent him ring ideas, ect ect, he even got my Mom's blessing a couple of years back. I know marriage isn't just about surnames but I would like our little family to all have the same surname and I really do love and want to spend the rest if my life with my partner but I just feel like the ring is never going to happen and that I should just let go of the dream, I don't want to keep nsgging/hinting/joking about it anymore. Any advice on what to do as I really don't know what to do. I also feel like if I change my surname to my Mom's maiden name it may make him think that I'm no longer interested in marriage as I've just gone and changed my name and wouldn't want to do it again as I have also said that I'd preferably not want to keep changing my name.
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You can give baby whatever surname you choose to so she could have his surname. I would have the conversation with him about you changing it to your mother’s maiden name and see how he responds to that.
Changing your name by deed poll is £50. It's long winded in the sense you will always have a previous name and have to show proof of that change I guess. But it's the same if you were married. Or when you get married.
There is not much legality around second names, I know that for a fact as in my husbands culture when you get married you take the man's first name. So my surname is my husband's forename. Then when our son came he wanted him to have his father (my son's grandfathers) first name as the surname, so all 3 of us have different surnames, yet we were married almost a year before my son was even born. 🙈 if you're confused that's fine everyone gets confused. I've had people say are these your legal names? But we asked all the relevant people when I changed my name and registered my son and they said what you change your name too and which name you give your children is up to you even if it's not immediately involved 🙈
Wishing you all the best 💕 xxxx
Do you think there is a reason why your partner hasn't proposed? If you have spoken about it for a long time what is holding him back? I think that's the most important thing here. I don't think you should give up on what's important to you because you are worried about nagging. He isn't worried about your feelings if he knows this is important to you! Don't feel bad.
You could always change your name to your mum's maiden name and give that name to your daughter too!
She's going to have his surname, I just have it in my head that I want us all to have the same surname, there just doesn't seem to be an option for that in the future. I'm not sure why he hasn't, he hasn't given any reason and goes quiet when I mention anything about a ring.
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