Few things

Just want peoples thoughts/solutions/comments on what you do. So I am what you would class as the MAIN parent in the house my partner runs his own business -has no work/family balance. If he is ever home he’s in his office, to me he barely gives us the time of day always slipping off after spending a few minutes/hours with us or he’s with us but on the phone or just we might go out for food but then he needs time to himself. I get no time to myself and tbh I don’t mind sometimes until I’m at the point I need help. I work too and it’s just constantly a battle of who is tired the most , he’s working to give us a good life because he pays majority of bills (his choice). Tells me he will just be a bum and stay at home dad when I say he needs balance. oh forgot to mention that often when we arrange to do things he all of a sudden doesn’t feel well- now I give benefit of the doubt here as no one can predict when they feel unwell but sometimes it just feels like it’s a cop out to get out of family time. His mum comes to clean our house every week and that was because I was at uni -I have finished as of today and said his mum doesn’t need to come now and he got mad saying I jsut want to keep his mum away- his trouble is he’s worried his office and clothes won’t get cleaned. Am I wrong for wanting to clean my own house? Can people with their own business have work life balance? Then on top of this our toddler is at the stage of being a toddler - now I will raise my voice when it is necessary , whereas he is straight in there shouting , asking ‘why are you doing this, don’t be a baby etc’ -like our toddler doesn’t understand why yet! Other day sat at table , toddler got up and went into living room slammed door. Dad straight in there doing the above , toddler crying-he puts him back at the table and says eat or you don’t leave till everyone is finished. Now I usually ask him are you not going to eat, what’s wrong with it , okay you can leave (and if toddler asks for anything I say I am eating) from this he usually comes back to eat on his own accord or says I don’t like it mum . So back to toddler at the table- he said I don’t like it . I then turned quietly to my partner and said I don’t want to confuse him with different routine so I’m going to let him leave the table. I then say we need to chat later about how we both parent going forward as us as adults we leave the table when everyone is still eating so we are contradicting what’s said to toddler (had a few incidents of us arguing about parenting). Partner gets up and says I’m not doing this gentle parenting farse that’s why he’s turning into a little b***ard etc -I don’t do gentle parenting but know that shouting is not the one, toddlers struggle with their emotions etc. I’m creating an emotions board for him to help him (part of my job as well so I understand it) but my partner is like he will get it once he starts playing football or jujitsu he will know discipline. There has definitely been a power struggle as my toddler often listens to me more but will go off to his dad sometimes if I tell him off and vice versa (we just need to be on the same page am I right?). Football - he’s got my sons secondary school in his sight already because it’s the top sports facility -like seriously get a grip man! He’s one of those men like his dad football consumes them, can’t do anything else when it’s on. I’m all for my son wanting to play football but I don’t want him forced or turning into a football zombie. Any thoughts on the above. Sorry so long ✌🏼
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It sounds like yall are just not on the same page and he isn't capable of communicating and understanding your reality and perspective. Couples counseling and having a third party there to hear and validate both perspectives and hopefully open his eyes to your side could be beneficial! My husband and I used to be on different pages all the time, argued, parented very different, didn't understand eachothers sides often/got defensive and couldnt communicate right, and opening up our communication and understanding through therapy changed our lives and our marriage to the best relationship I could ask for. Best of luck ❤️

@Kirsten don’t know how I’d get him to couples therapy lol. I have ranted to my mum and I know that’s not good because it gives them an impression of him etc but who else can I rant too. My mum and step dad have always commented that he struggled as a dad even before my rant because of past things where I’ve gone to stay at my mums with little one because he’s kicked off etc

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