I'm sick of being the default parent.

I can see why ur over all of it Any activity place the lil ones can go to for a bit? Maybe assign everyone nap this hr with incentive later? When u wake um do u like journaling? Gratitude noting is fun you may love!☑️ Is your ma able to pick kid if there’s no activity? Or say med emergency and go rest 🔜

We're kind of in the middle of nowhere on vacation so I don't know the area very well, not much goes on where we are. I don't have much time to journal because I wake up when they wake up. My toddler has been refusing naps the whole time because he wants to be a part of everything, bedtime has also been a struggle. I can't go and relax without my husband bringing them up to see me 5 minutes later.

Have you discussed this with your husband? Through the day note down where he could take part and divide responsibilities. I'm kinda struggling with similar situation in a smaller scale and the tips helped me. I Know we think to ourselves that why should I tell him it's a common sense and he should know but the reality is that he Doesn't know so we need to make this work for us.

@Miracle he knows where I need his help, I've tried having conversation after conversation over and over and it doesn't seem to get anywhere. He helps out a bit more at home with things but apparently he's the only one that gets to not work or do anything on vacation.

Have you tried teaching him what to do step by step? They are like big difficult babies😂 it takes time to correct and train them but they'll get there eventually especially when I'm truly irritated he tries to be lees of a baby

He sounds hard work and you muma sound burnt out...

@Miracle yes 😅 he basically is the poster child for weaponized incompetence 😅

@Miracle ☑️✔️

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ It isn’t fair that you’re basically working as a free maid and nanny so that he can have a holiday. You are burning out and the resentment from this is going to ruin your relationship with him. He needs to understand that if this continues, he will lose you (and likely custody of the kids because he sounds useless). Please show him this comic and try to get him to understand that you need a partner in life, not another man-child to look after. It isn’t fair on you and you deserve so much better than this.

Just to add - if he truly loves and cares for you, he will want to make your life easier. Once it’s spelled out to him in black and white, he will hopefully step up and be a man and a proper dad. If he doesn’t get a grip then it tells you all you need to know - he’s clearly happy to keep you as a commodity (free childcare and housekeeper) rather than treat you as his equal. I’d show him the door.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, especially because you're meant to be on holiday. I would have a conversation with your husband because that's not ok to not help at all. You should both take turns in taking care of the kids as it's your holiday too, not just his. I don't suggest necessarily doing this, but I would just get up one day, hand him the kids and leave to have some relaxing time and make him see how stressful it is to actually never getting a break

Aww mama I hear you! Being the default person is soo much responsibility not just for childcare but to feed everyone, make sure the place isnt a huge mess. Planning special moments. Its alot! We went to a cottage last week with my husbands sister and her 3 children and my son. I was watching all the children the whole time! My sister in law left every day from 11-4 with her youngest and left the other 2 with just me and my son. I was legit just a babysitter this whole time. It was also my 30th birthday. The cottage was on the water and all i wanted was to relax and hear the waves but didnt enjoy even one moment of quite or peace as I was breaking up fights, feeding my child and 3 other children. I was bbq in the rain while my husband slept on the couch and my brother in law watched while I ran out of propane and had to bring everything inside to finish cooking. Didnt get up once. I was beyonddd over it! 🤦‍♀️ ohh and im pregnant and suffered super bad back/tailbone pain after the trip.

I'd look for an opportunity to just leave. Have kids fed, clothed, and with safe adults and say "I'm going for a walk." If they ask how long say "I'm not sure." During dinner might be a good time. Walk or sit outside away from everything until you can think two consecutive thoughts that aren't related to the kids or your husband. You can plan a better vacation for next time. Right now, you need a life boat. ❤️

Wake up early, set everything needed laid out on the dinner room table ( can also leave a list things to do with the kiddos on the fridge). Get dressed, grab the keys and finally wake the men up. Then you and your brother's girlfriend need to just leave the house (no discussion) for 2-3 hours. The men will figure it out. I watched my mom and aunt do this to my dad and uncle once and they had no choice but to figure it out

The only way to combat weaponized incompetence is to not let it have a ground to stand on. When you get home, stand over his shoulder if you have to and have HIM complete whatever task is needed while giving a step by step-by-step in a calm manner.

@Sarah that's terrible, I'm so sorry 😭 It pisses me off to no end when people just sit by and watch others struggle 🥴 I totally feel the hip/tailbone pain, mine are fucked after having 2 kids and I've been in so much pain this week. I wish I could give you a hug 🥺

@Bonny I thankfully had a bit of time earlier, I said "I'm going to shower" but realistically went up to watch some TV, shower, and laid down for a bit after. I didn't want to go back down 😅

@KhyRee we might do that tomorrow! There's not much to do up here but we'll find something just to get away, the only crappy part is we'll probably have to clean up their messes like we've been doing all week. 🥴

Oh hell no when you get back from this “vacation” take a full day or half day to yourself coz this ain’t it mama. I feel for you 😭

@Kellie I won't be able to 😭 he goes back to work the day after we get back 😭

Weekend OP?

Man I feel every single ping of frustration you feel. 2 weeks after I gave birth to my son we drove from Wyoming to Michigan. I was already irritated because the entire drive we couldn't stop at any of the pretty places we saw and I have never been there before because we were falling his dad who went the long way to their home. Fine ok whatever someday I'll see it again. Then he didn't help me at all with our son who didn't sleep like ever. Didn't even help to let me get ready for a party his parents put together for their friends and family to meet our son. I was literally looking up divorce attorneys the entire time.i held my son basically 5 days straight. I'm pretty still pretty heated when I think about it.