Tell me I'm not a bad person!!

Holy shit… well…. You’re going to get your dad back before you know it since she’s going to die soon. As messed up as that is, it’s the truth.

I would say just embrace her and be happy with them since she is terminal. It’s not being fake if you look at it as end of life care. It’ll mean so much to both of them if you’re supporting her in her final days and giving her a family she clearly desires.

Don’t ever be sorry! You’re human and your feelings are valid. This is wild. But yeah…. I would say suck it up since she’s going to be gone before you know it. I’m so so sorry about the circumstances

@Mary 🤡👽🦹🏽‍♀️ Thank you 😊 I was really expecting to be ripped a new one for being selfish but these feelings have been getting me down so much!
I just hope I do get my Dad back, and that he won't be a broken, sad widower, my kids don't need that 😢

He will LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE and appreciate his thoughtful daughter for helping his terminally ill wife through her final days. You both sound amazing. I only see positive coming from this. Help him make her final days happy.

Maybe he proposed cause she’s dying soon and her dying wish is to be married to him ?

I mean your dad is a grown man with his own life and it’s okay if he finds someone else to spend his time with, even if you question her/the relationship. Protect your feelings and keep your distance if it helps. I understand why it’s difficult when she’s so aggressive about knowing you. But the adult thing to do is take your husband’s advice. You don’t need to be fake, but cordial and mature lol

She loves your dad, your dad has probably said how important you are to him so she’s trying to be a part of your life. This all sounds normal to me. I understand you feeling the loss of time with your dad. I would honestly ask dad to watch the kiddos and go get your nails done or a girls brunch with her and then all hang out together at the house after. Then ask your dad hey can i spend some alone time with you. If you make time for her, they’ll understand you’re not being selfish and just miss dad. Her days are numbered - so they’re trying to make the best of the time left. Your dad already lost a love of his life before so I’m sure this is heavy for him. But yeh i think you should make time for her and being together- you’re grieving your mom and I’m sorry. I’m sure your dad is still grieving also. I truly feel sorry for everyone in this scenario- but I do think their actions are appropriate.

@Jody He proposed before the illness, unless they knew before us and kept it a secret? Which is kinda worse? I dunno. And is that a reason for marriage though? After 18 months? What does he really know about her, what's he signing up for that she's leaving behind. I'm worried for him

The issue with spending time with her as well, without meaning to sound rude and childish, is that I don't like being around her, I don't like the way she treats me. I did spend time with them both a bit at one point but it started getting too much. This is honestly true perspective from me, I can't sit with her normally, as myself, without her thinking that I'm sad or that something is on my mind... she gets all up close to my face and asks me what's troubling me and what's on my mind and "I can tell her anything", and there literally is nothing wrong at all and this is what's caused the huge distance between us because it literally every time. So now every single time I see her I'm having to convinve her that I'm absolutely fine and it actually caused me quite high anxiety because she makes me feel so uncomfortable when I'm with her... and this in front of people, so yeahh definitely even less comfortable being alone with her.

Okay, first thought when reading this is your dad is a grown ass man, you should be happy he’s out living his life instead of being sat at home feeling lonely. You say he seems stressed and miserable all the time.. his bride to be is dying. He probably is. Then not to be rude, you making it difficult to get on with this woman isn’t helping. Especially when it seems that she’s trying to make loads of effort with you.

As others have said the fact she is dying means she’ll soon be gone and you’ll have your dad back, but he will be so much happier if he feels you got along with his wife, you’re able to share memories with each other about her. He will be grieving when she passes and will want you to lean on.

We don’t have to get along with everyone in life and you don’t have to love her. But if I were you I would suck it up, try make more of an effort and be there for your dad. If that means going for coffee with his bride then that’s what I’d be doing.

Following so I know how to deal with this situation too. In a similar spot in ways

@Hollie I get what you're saying and everyone else and i agree he is his own person because for one, I've put that I am happy for him. For two, my mum died and he's all I've got, so yeah I am lonely (and hes literally all I've got, my husband works 12 hour days). For three, I've put in the comments that at a time I did make the effort but the woman makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious when I'm around her. I don't want to share memories about her, she's been in our lives for 18 months and hasn't made a positive impact, she's made me a nervous, anxious, uncomfortable mess and that's what I've been sucking up so far because I haven't made it a big deal in front of him because it's his life and he should be happy. He's been miserable wayy longer than the diagnosis btw, obviously he'd be miserable over that but this has been even before he proposed to her 🤷‍♀️

@Katelyn Apparently you just have to ignore your feelings, be the bigger person and suck it up 🤷‍♀️ even though I know at the end of this my Dad won't be the same again 😢

Your husband is a smart man, do what he says. And why would your dad be happy if he knows his SO dies in half a year. I would cry every second I’m not with my SO if I knew that. And I would from about a month we met each other.
And you are 34. Grow up and learn to respect other people’s choises that you don’t like. Go to therapy and resolve your feelings so that you don’t have to suck it up.

👍

But are you happy for him? You’ve said it but you don’t seem it.

You seem jealous and bitter because he’s not available for you and your kids at a drop of a hat. He’s going through something traumatic with his wife to be and you’re sat worried about how he’s going to be a ‘sad widower’ and that your kids don’t need that. Seems a tad selfish to me.

You should be making this time in his life easier not more difficult.

It’s not your dads fault you depend on him so heavily as your partner works long hours.

Sorry to be blunt I don’t mean to be rude but I think you need to take a serious look at your attitude.

Yeah I think I'd just suck it up and put on a show for the next 6 months tbh. It might be hard to get past the uncomfortableness at first, but it'll become easier. And I would have a private talk with your dad about the trust issues you have with what she's leaving him with, just out of genuine concern for him. It must suck to be in his shoes... alone for 15 years and now he's met the love of his life and he only got 2 years with her? I'd be heartbroken for him. 😫 fake it for your dad, and be there for him during this time. Try and let go of the resentments you're hanging on to, and trust that he'll be back in your life the way he was shortly. 💕

Why would it be worse if you found out later than they did? Of course they knew first. It’s a big diagnosis and it takes time to find out all the care options and make those decisions. Remember, that information is about HER medical history. It’s HER choice when to share it.

It’s very hard adjusting to the new reality. I feel for you and am here for support