Overbearing Mother
Is anyone else experiencing an overbearing mother or even MIL, or just family member? I know for most women it’s their MIL’s who bring trouble, but for me it’s my mom. I feel like I can’t do anything without her butting in. I’ve tried to tell her how the things she does makes me feel but it goes straight to her & her feelings & how I’m such a bad daughter. Just a few things she’s done just for context: announced the gender of my baby before my husband & I without our consent, pretty much named our daughter’s middle name I had a name in mind that I liked & we were going to most likely go with that, my mom mentioned my aunt’s (who I’m very close to) middle name as the middle name for our baby. I told her I’d think about it, just to be nice & include her since she told me I was leaving her out because I denied all of her other name suggestions. Well… she calls my aunt & tells her that I’m naming my baby after her…. I feel so defeated because my aunt sounded so happy & excited & I just don’t have the heart to tell her that I wasn’t naming my baby after her. & now I feel like it’s too late because people have already bought the baby stuff with her name on it & I know that stuff can be pricey… I honestly don’t even want my mom in the room while I give birth but I know if I tell her that it’ll be a huge fight. Btw my husband & I are currently staying with my parents until we find a house. So, I’m afraid of doing anything to make her mad because I don’t want to be homeless. We’re trying so hard to find somewhere to move because once we do I’m probably going to go no contact with her. But until then idk what to do😭😭😭 I feel like I haven’t gotten to enjoy my pregnancy because of her. This is my first & last pregnancy so I’m just bummed all around. Am I being too whiney about this or am I valid for how I feel?
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Omg I would be so pissed. When did she tell your aunt? It’s ultimately up to you, so if anything announce the name on FB or to the family real quick and tell your mom to tell your aunt that she made that decision for you and it wasn’t yours. It’s your child!!!
Sounds like a really difficult situation you’re in. I think I’d try to have a proper conversation with my mom if I were you. Prepare yourself for it, maybe even with notes, to make sure you’re not forgetting important things but also to make sure you stay in line and not to get too emotional or to also make sure it doesn’t escalate. Maybe have a neutral person be part in this conversation to help guide through a little bit and also to help your mom understand.
The best way to give feedback is by giving an example of a situation. In this case for example the name topic. Describe in a neutral way what has happened. Next thing tell her how you felt about this exact situation. Last but not least tell her what you’d wish her to act like in a next situation.
Besides that, depending on your relationship to your aunt, tell her the truth about your difficult situation that you’re facing and hopefully she’ll understand.
In the end, this is your story and not hers and not your aunts!
you’re not being whiney at all. you’re actually within reason & so much nicer about it. I told my mom i was pregnant and not even a day later she posted it on fb & i told her that was wrong and she said no one knows it’s you. who else would it be?? then she’s had these names for our baby. She so desperately wanted a boy & named him jack, and when she found out if was a girl (disappointed btw) she named her snow as a joke to how white she’d be since my husband & i are mixed. i hateeeee all of it & tell her off each time. she has no regard with how i feel so i tend to do the same. doesn’t make it right but definitely setting boundaries with her from here on out. & don’t even get me started w my registry 🙄
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