Bf side of the family
Over the 4 yrs my bf & I have been dating there has always been tension between me & his side of the family (in laws & extended family) they have an issue with boundaries anytime I set them in place & then they complain about me & the boundaries. They also take things very personally when we mention crossing a boundary. Well now that I am pregnant I just know the boundary issues are probably going to get worse. So I’ve been having a harder time sharing information about my pregnancy or even being around them because I’m on edge around them all the time. They are COMPLETELY opposite of my family so it’s frustrating to me that I don’t even deal with that type of behavior within my own family yet I deal with it within theirs.
Yesterday I mentioned to my boyfriend how I wanted to do a surprise gender reveal on thanksgiving (spent with my family, which is a big family where there would be 20+ ppl) & told him my idea on how to do it. Then he said we also have to do something with his parents then because it is their first grandchild. In my brain I just figured of telling them like normal not really doing anything since there is not only tension between us but when we asked his side of the family not to say anything about the pregnancy until I was further along they ignored that & told extended family ect.
So I told my bf that I planned on just telling them like regular & not doing anything special for them because of the circumstances between us all but also the fact that my family is large & doing something on a holiday is special with having everyone around, meanwhile his family is smaller so I didn’t feel like it would feel as special. It’s really hard for me to connect with these people because they are always causing me to be tense around them. My boyfriend said it doesn’t have to be something big for them but a little something so I mentioned getting gender reveal cupcakes & he said fireworks?? Which I feel are big but also not my vibe?? So it got a little weird after he made the suggestion & we just stopped talking about it.
But now I’m torn between if I am over reacting.
Does anyone else have a hard time sharing joy with their in laws? I know it’s my own personal issue that I will have to work on BUT they make it so damn hard.
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I can definitely understand your feelings and it’s not fun having issues with In laws.. my ex husbands mom used to be CRAZY at overstepping boundaries which caused drama between the two of us as well. However,
You do have to remember it’s his family.. put yourself in his shoes kind of thing, which I understand can be hard to do if you feel disrespected by them frequently.
I’m sure they’re just as excited about a grandchild as your parents are.
Is it possible to invite them to the gender reveal too?
What kind of grand reveal did you plan for your family?
I do agree fireworks are a little extreme especially around thanksgiving when people aren’t even really selling them. Cupcakes sounds like a good plan to me. 🤷🏻♀️ anyways, I hope y’all come to a good compromise. I don’t think you’re necessarily over reacting. I’ve been in your shoes with my ex mother in law and it’s not fun at all.. she was literally psycho, but I also made sacrifices and compromises because I loved my ex husband
i totally get it. there’s tension between me and his side of the immediate family as well. mainly for unfair reasons. his sister has been trying to get pregnant for 2.5 years and for us, it took one try. so, she sees it as unfair which I think is so wrong. It’s not something we can control. they never ask me how i’m feeling, or things that I (we) want. they mostly just judge how im doing things and how im choosing to take care of my body. thankfully my husband backs me up but still, the tension is there. I’ve told my husband that deep down I am trying but it’s hard when you feel unwelcome, disrespected, and constant anxiety. All I can say is, baby steps. Try your best in small steps and things will improve.
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