Toddler calling SO “dad”

I just need to vent y’all. I met my now SO when my daughter was barely a year old. We were just friends. Almost a year of knowing each other later and we entered a relationship. He had seen my daughter and nephew a few times over FaceTime when we were just friends. And during that time he would help out every now and then if I needed something. I didn’t even need to ask (he was aware of the situation with my daughters father being in and out of her life). In the beginning my daughter would call him daddy. And we kept correcting her. This man has taken her to the hospital with me when she’s gotten sick, has gotten her everything she needs like wipes, diapers, clothes, and pull ups. He’s been there through her being scared of the dark. He’s helped her when she cried. Played with her and my nephew, etc. Fast forward another year later and her father is coming back around. I’m pregnant with my SO and I was explaining to my daughter that the baby in my tummy is her baby brother. Explaining that her titi is my sister. That my SO is baby’s papi. And that her papi is her papi. That I’m both of their mommy. And she said my SO was her papi too. And ever since then she’s been saying she has 2 papi. She will call my SO by his name but sometimes adds papi in front of it. And I thought she was confused. So I kept correcting her. But she still says it. I told my mom about it and she’s not a fan. She’s been judgmental from the jump. Saying this isn’t what we agreed to…. I don’t need permission from my mother on how to raise my child. This has been an ongoing thing for years. I’m tired of it. I’m a grown ass woman. I’ve been out of their house since I was 19. That was years ago. I have my own place. I pay my own bills. I work and I do the best I can. She keeps downplaying my role as a parent for my daughter and always has something to say about every single decision I make. She’s called me a horrible mother for trying to work things out with my daughters father when my child was a few months old. I told her off. I told her our relationship has been back and forth for years because she is crossing boundaries. I’m not a child anymore. The least she can do is be present and a guide and respect the decisions we make as grown adults now. I’m so over it. I don’t go through any of these things with my dad.

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I do want to add that she’s said she’s uncomfortable with the idea of a step father. But my dad helped raise my 5 older siblings. They aren’t his.

I honestly think it's fine for your daughter to be calling SO dad because he IS dad. He's been raising her and caring for her. They clearly have a connection that goes deeper than just first names. I feel like if you keep correcting her it could hurt her relationship with him because she sees him as dad because while she does have a Bio dad, he hasn't been doing his part for her. Are you correcting her because SO doesn't wanna be called dad or papi by her?

My step dad has been doing all of what you have said for me too since I was 2. I'm now 33. I've never called him dad because no matter how involved my dad is, I still have one. If you and your partner split up, is he still going to be taking her on days out and seeing her with out you? Because if not then she shouldn't really be calling him dad. He might be doing everything a dad should be doing but if you break up and she's been calling him dad then it's going to be even worse for her because she will go from having "dad" around all the time and doing everything for her to, him not being around and him not being her dad. Thats just my opinion obviously though. As for your mum, I think mum's are always like that and you just have to choose whether you listen or take it with a pinch of salt.

Is the problem here your mother? Or that you don't like her calling your SO dad? Or he doesn't like it? She's little and sees him all the time. To her, he is dad. I see nothing wrong with having two dads - double the love. Hopefully the adults can understand that.

@Sonja it’s my mom criticizing

@Leslie every time she says it he smiles and then refers to himself as being her father

I think its wonderdul your SO is such a significant part of her life and her adding papi with his name is good. If you have a feeling you and your SO are un it for the long haul than I wouldn't correct her with adding papi along with his name 😊 And ignore your mom (easier daid than done) but i would just say she has a beautiful relationship with SO and dad (even though hasn't been there) is still her dad and its best that you establish a healthy co-parent relationship for your daughters sake. Its not about you but your daughter and having a good relationship with her dad is whats best for her and establishing healthy boundaries.

I think it’s between you and your SO. Ask him that tough question if things didn’t work out (god forbid) will he still stay the dad to both kids or only his bio one? And if it’s both then is he wanting to be called dad / papi? I have a friend who’s ex is only the bio dad to the youngest but he is dad to both kids and it’s beautiful. The first’s bio dad is a deadbeat and thankfully not on the birth certificate. Your SO sounds wonderful and like he has really stepped up into the role. He is showing your daughter what a real man does for the woman he loves and she deserves that. Not sure where you’re located but maybe he would adopt your eldest son the future to make it really official. And you’re right. You’re an adult. Your mother doesn’t have a say. I don’t get why she wouldn’t want your kid to have a dad who is present and to have two dad is double the love. It’s not confusing - families come in all shapes and sizes.

I met my SO when my son was 28 months. We are now pregnant with our second and my SO IS Daddy/Dad. To be fair, my son’s father has NEVER been involved since I told him I was pregnant.

So your mother married again and had your father help raise his step kids… but she doesn’t like stepdads when it comes to YOUR choice? That sounds like a her problem, not a you problem. As long as you are all happy and your SO treats her like his own, it’s no one’s business what you want her to call him. If he’s her daddy to her, that’s her choice and I think it’s lovely that you’ve found happiness 💜

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