GUY HELP PLS 😭

he probably feels hurt by you doubting him. Has he given a reason not to trust him?

That’s what I’m thinking bc he’s mentioned it to me in the past.

He’s not done anything to make me not trust him. It’s just the way he is, we joke around about this stuff a lot and I’m also the exact same as him so I think I work myself up.

He also himself told me when things started getting serious between that he slept with a couple of people at the beginning of us speaking but he didn’t want to hide anything as things were getting serious between us. I also did the same but haven’t told him and have been feeling kinda guilty since.

He messaged me 🥹 and I think once I calm down, I understand it’s a real adult relationship, even if we don’t have labels (I’ve been the one against the labels anyway 😭 he’s been asking me) and I’m just trying to find chaos for no reason

I’m glad he messaged you back! I’d Be careful not to take out your anxiety on him. Sometimes when we are deep in anxiety we forget about how it can hurt other people to question them. I had a similar situation and it didn’t work out cuz I hurt him by doubting him all the time. And good on you for working on healing I know healing is hard. Im sure it will work out for you, you got this!

I used to be like this and it drove so many people away because it wore them down so much.

It's really important that you give other people space and time to time to process.
Highly likely he wasn't responding because he needed to think and then respond with a clear head, and probably wanted to talk to you when you had a clear head too.

I also have childhood trauma and abandonment issues. It took a whole load of therapy, a psychology university degree and COVID for me to understand and love myself.
Don't get me wrong I can still get anxiety but I am sooooo much better than before.
I strongly recommend getting therapy.
Sending lots of hugs 🫂

Thank you both 😭 for not making me feel pathetic and making me see there is a way out of this. Sometimes I forget.

I’m quite good with self reflection but putting it into practice has been difficult.

I don’t want to hurt him that’s why I’ve been so distant and silly, my backwards thinking.

We’re planning on meeting tomorrow and I’m wanting to tell him about sleeping with people at the beginning and being straight like he was but I don’t know if it’s worth it 😭

Would you guys tell him?

It’s been over 2/3 months but the thought of bringing it up makes me sick. But me not telling him makes me overthink. UGH

Well he also slept with other people at the beginning tho right? So he shouldn’t be bothered by u doing the exact same thing. You kno him better than we do. If u think it will cause more issues if u don’t say anything then u should tell him

Personally I wouldn't bother telling him esp if it hasn't been a point of discussion/part of an argument.
If he asks then yep, be honest but if it hasn't been mentioned then why bother?
It sounds like your trauma response is setting yourself up to fail by adding fuel to the fire.
The fact you're overthinking it is part of anxiety/OCD.
If its only been 2/3 months and you're already this stressed/having anxiety/having arguments, i wouldn't even bother continue the relationship. You need to snap out of quickly otherwise this behaviour will be continuous throughout the relationship and both of you will be absolutely exhausted

@Emma, but it has been mentioned. He didn't want to hide anything, so he told her. The right thing to do is to tell him and apologise for not telling him sooner.

OP, yes, you need to tell him. If you value this relationship and respect and love him, then you need to be honest with him like he was with you.

He didn't want to hide things, so why would you?

My partner and I had some difficult stuff to tell each other and could have waited years or not told at all, but we respect and love each other so shared early on.

Good Luck OP.

Sorry I meant if he asked her outright I.e "have you been with anyone else?"
If He mentioned his but didn't ask back then you don't have to say anything.
Or if you lied then I would tell him

@Emma, she lied by omission. He wanted to be honest, and that tells me he wants honesty back.

I saw him today!

We didn’t speak about much. Just wanted to be with each other.

We’ll be meeting next week, hopefully staying the night together so I’ll talk to him then. I’d rather do it in person so we can talk it out properly.

Today I realised so much that I’m overthinking every tiny thing. He told me the same. I admire that about him because no-one likes telling me anything because they’re scared of my reaction (eldest daughter lol).

We had some intimate moments, like close to each other (not sleeping together haha). His presence just made me realise more how stupid I’ve been and that it’s okay to start fresh and move forward from it. Honestly, this is one thing I love about him :/

I’m unsure how it’s going to go but I’m going to make a hugely conscious effort to not be extra lol. Wish me luckkk

I’m supporting you!!

I told him yesterday! We didn’t stay together but were together basically the whole night. He seemed a bit hurt at the start and said he didn’t actually sleep with the people he said he did. He said he was just joking (I don’t think he was bc he’s not the type that would about something like that).

I knew he thought I did it after he told me as a ‘if you can I can too thing’. That’s defo his trauma.

I explained that it was at the beginning and since before he said about us being exclusive, it’s only been him and if he wants to talk about it or ask anything he can. He went quiet for about 5/10 which he usually does when he feels some sort of way.

After that, he was fine. We were both fine. We had the cutest moment where he said he loved me more and I asked how he knew that. He said because he’s loved me for a very long time. I was like ‘so you’ve known for 4 months?’ And he was like ‘I’ve known for 15 years… and 4 months’ with full eye contact and the cutest look on his face 🥹

😭🙌 I’m so happy for you!!

Thank you 😭

I’m just really understanding that the happy moments really make me happy and at peace. He makes me feel at peace. I deserve that. I don’t need to keep making chaos and can just let myself be happy. He’s trying and there’s nothing more I can want so since I saw him, I’ve forced myself not to fixate on things that I didn’t see as positive and have been focusing on the fact that this feels like a bit of a fairy tail right now and that’s okay 😅