Do you spank you kids?

Gentle parenting.

gentle parenting does not work for every kid though. there is some children out there that need more discipline than gentle parenting can give. some kids are naturally badder than others.

no kid is naturally badder. They become "bad" through their experiences imo

My father spanked me as a child for every little thing and it didn’t make me listen, it made me scared of him. People who spank their children lack patience. We all make mistakes, no one is hitting us for it? Natural consequences work best.

i’ve just met children who don’t listen to gentle parenting. there’s an extent to everything. spanking when necessary imo is okay. now for every little thing is a different story. i got spanked only a handful of times as a child and they were in situations that were truly needed.

Never

I tried gentle parenting on my daughter and she's the worst now. I realized it works on my son instead.

There’s no justifiable reason to hit a child. Every behavior you have as an adult sets an example for how your children will learn. Hitting them teaches them that violence is okay, and teaches them to obey out of fear, not because they have the skills and knowledge to do the right thing. They need to learn real consequences of their actions, for example “you broke your brother’s favorite toy and now he’s crying (consequence), what do you think we can do to make it better? (Find solution)” Then they’re learning how to solve problems collaboratively and fix their mistakes instead of running from you scared. Hitting kids destroys opportunities to learn and connect. Kids need to know that you’ll keep them safe and the second they don’t feel safe with you, the relationship is damaged.

Why else have you tried with your daughter?

is there another method to working with these badder kids?

this is an example of how gentle parenting does not work on every kid. some kids listen to different types of parenting, and that’s also why there is different types of parenting because along with not every mom is the same, not every kid is the same too.

Ariana I understand what you are saying. I do think there are children with different temperaments. Some kids need way more attention and are more active than others. People love being judgmental on how people raise their kids. As moms we need to be gentle with each other. I think some people run with trends like gentle parenting and it may work for them but it may not work for others. I am not saying that the solution is spanking but I can imagine that there are other ways to parent.

Yes we did spank our kids when they were younger.

@incognito I'm trying punishments and consequences now and I hope it works.

honestly, i have not gotten there yet, my lo is 8 1/2 months old so im not there yet. i was basing it off of other people in my family and the way they’ve had to parent their kids because they genuinely didn’t respond well to gentle parenting

I don’t hit and don’t think it’s ok whether they’re toddlers or teens. If they’re little I think it’s just teaching them that it’s ok to hit. I think taking something away, removing them/ you from the situation can be effective if you’re consistent with it.
Can obviously only say what’s worked for me and my child.

I do think some kids will especially benefit from a lot of structure, boundaries or rules. And some kids are easy going/ harder work even in the same family but I don’t think that HAS to include hitting as punishment.
There’s so many definitions of ‘gentle parenting’ too everyone seems to have their own idea what it looks like!

Something we should ask ourselves about spanking is “what are they learning from this?” They’re learning that they need to obey you to be safe with you. In my opinion, that’s a tragic thing for a child to learn from their parent. They should feel safe with you no matter who they are and what they’ve done.

It seems dehumanizing to me. I can’t think of any reason to hit my child and I don’t think it would teach her anything

Never

I dont hit my kids theyre very small.

But I can honestly say when I was a kid the few times I got a good hiding I deserved it. Im still very close to my parents and so are my siblings.

I have a toddler so we still didn’t have a situation that I felt like I should hit him and hopefully that never happens. However I do yell if I already repeated myself more than 3 times so he knows that if I get to that point he is in big trouble. He is 16 months and we are able to leave the dog food/water bowl in the living room without him getting on it anymore and he recently started respecting our Roomba 😂

Absolutely not. There is no need for it.

No. I teach my son to be in a society, I don't try to shut his personality off. The only thing that spanking shows is a grown up unable to manage his own behavior while demanding kiddos to manage their own.

Age and what they did plays a huge part in how they are or will be disciplined. We are not against spanking if needed and have swatted my oldests butt twice when other methods haven't worked.

My 5 year old is the most stubborn child ever. Gentle parenting does NOT work on him. I would have to RAISE my voice in order for him to listen. I don’t spank him all the time, only when he’s absolutely not listening and/or when he’s in big trouble.

The opposite to gentle parenting isn’t hitting your kids. You can just choose to have more boundaries and structure.

I think spanking is fine, but it has to be appropriate. My husband thinks smacking his hand when the little hits me is appropriate, but I disagree. Seems like a mixed message (Don't hit, right after you hit them), but on the flip side if little doesn't understand that it hurts then a smack would show him.

I've swatted my little maybe twice when he 💯 was not listening. He shaped up.

I have a friend who mostly spanks for everything and it's clear that it's not working with her kids.

No one's perfect. No parenting approach will work on every kid. I think the most important thing to remember is to not spank out of anger, which is easy to be when they push your buttons! But, yes I think there's definitely times it's appropriate.

No. And no.

We utilise non-punitive measures.

In practice, this is the clear setting of expectations and boundaries that are developmentally and age appropriate, in a way that is easy for them to understand.

We make it easy for them to adhere to these through ensuring the environment is set up appropriately, and through appropriate supervision and support.

We allow them to have their feelings when boundaries are held. Emotions are ok. Aggressive/violent behaviours are not. (We also work on emotional regulation and strategies for calming).

When holding boundaries, we may need to remove them from the situation. Either temporarily, or permanently.

We don't do "chances". Expectations/boundaries are set. We remind, then we assist. For example, if they're not getting out of the bath, we might say; "it looks like you're having trouble/not ready yet. I'm going to help you." And then we gently pick them up.

It's about calm, confident, consistency.

No way, I couldn't see them being terrified or scared of me, I'm there to be their protector, I could never lay a hand on my child. EVER.

No. Discipline means that a lesson is being taught. I don't understand what lesson I'd be teaching my child by spanking her. And 9/10 times i see spanking happening it's when the parents is angry or scared, so definitely not done as a form of discipline than it is because the parenr lost control/couldn't regulate themselves.

If I made the same mistake 5x and someone hit me for it...that'd be abuse. If I screamed because I was frustrated and got slapped for it...that's abuse. If I refused to get up from my seat and someone yanked me up and slapped me for it...that's abuse.

But I'm not a person who gentle parents all day. We have firm boundaries and I make it clear what will happen if those boundaries are crossed.