I think I need to leave my partner.

Hi girls, I am thinking of leaving my partner. We have been together 5 years he has 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a 4 month old son. I bare the full weight of our household, the appointments, the jobs round the house, most of the childcare I have 0 life outside being a parent and a partner and I love the children with my whole heart but every birthday present, Christmas present, family card, birthday party, literally you name it has and is organised by me he just sends me some money for it and turns up on the day. I organise everything for everyone and take the children to all medical appointmentsas well as arranging them, do swimming lessons, hobbies etc and take our baby with me every time as he is exclusively BF so he is at home and doesn't even then do jobs while I am out he just plays Xbox. I am at my breaking point I feel I have waited 5 years for someone to share with me in life but I have built our entire lives while he has done nothing to contribute to the actual organisation of anything he just turns up to appointments I make for solicitors when we were buying our house, viewings, etc. I am on maternity leave at the moment and cannot afford our mortgage alone and obviously do not want to disrupt my step children either. I have more invested in the house than him which I protected when we bought so if we sell I will get that back protected in any profit we make, which we should. However, I have no where to go for the meanwhile while we sell as I am from Germany and my family are all based there and he is on the birth certificate so would need his permission to move out to Germany temporarily plus, I wouldn't want to take his son away out of the country as I want him to be able to visit and make memories at this special time in babies life. I am at a complete loss of what to do as this is my home and my only home but I can't ask him and his children to leave but we will need to sell at some point. I am beyond stressed and I am so upset and heartbroken that my family is crumbling and my son won't have the same family unit as his brother's but also that he is so young and his parents won't be together anymore. Please can someone give me some advice or share any positivity from similar situations.

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Hey mama, firstly breathe! You will be okay, if you really think it’s time to leave then leave, the worse thing will be only staying for your kid. You will be fine, if you get your money back, you can rent?

I contributed 35k to the deposit so I think I'll be able to buy somewhere smaller for just me and my boy but it's just the meantime as I'm on maternity so as soon as I leave I won't be able to support us financially. I feel trapped for the meantime and that's what is worrying me

Heya, at the end of the day it is your decision but have you talked to him about this? Some people can be completely clueless and may think that you're happy doing what you're doing. Of course if you have and nothing has changed, then it makes complete sense x

I have spoken to him about it several times over the years how I feel taken for granted and nothing improves and I just feel like I am being a bad role model staying and having someone put out my flame all these years. I wouldn't want my son to settle for this in a partner so I feel guilty for doing it myself.

That's exactly how I feel. I am doing it alone with extrs steps and extra responsibility parenting 2 additional children when he is out at football, work drinks etc. My main worry is we don't have anywhere to live straight away and while we sell the house because he will likely want to stay here too with the older children and I would never turn them away from their home either.

You do not have to leave until you sell! It’s your house too and sounds like you put a lot more in than he did. Have you checked if you can get help financially from universal credit as you aren’t currently earning, I believe you should be able to claim something. Another option, could you wait until you return back to work?

He didn't contribute anything to our deposit which is why I got mine protected just in case anything happened. I just worry about confusing the other children who are old enough to understand what is happening if we all continue to live in one house together I'm just a mess with all the worry for everyone and what will happen with the kids. I'm so heartbroken about not being around the other kids too, and siblings not growing up under the same roof 😭

1. Do his other 2 children live with you both on a full-time basis? 2. How old are they? 3. Where is their mother in all this? 4. When you bought the house, did you buy as joint tenants or tenants in common? Google the difference if you don’t know, very important differentiation.

Yes they do, she sees them 2 days a month if that and has very other contact in between. They're 8&9 We're Tennant's in common in unequal shares and have a declaration of trust set out which I wanted to protect my investment

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