Looking for good advice!

I’m currently in school and a stay at home mom. For years I’ve talked about a specific program at a school I’ve been looking at that’s about an hour and 20 minutes away from where I am currently. All my credits align with this specific school as planned. The issue is my kid’s father makes way more money than he would in this new city. So, I suggested that me and the baby stay in that city for the last two years of school and he can visit on his days off vice versa. Ideally he would stay in the bigger city, in a smaller place and save money so we can eventually get a house after I graduate. When I put it like this, he got really upset and took it personal. He’s adamant on getting a new job in this city and moving with us but to me that would just be crazy to take such a huge pay cut. I’m talking less than half of what he makes now. Am I being insensitive? I personally don’t feel like it’s the ultimate betrayal he’s making it out to be lol. I feel like we’d both be making sacrifices for the betterment of our futures! Also, the baby can’t really stay in the bigger city with him primarily because he works a lot and we have no external support system here.

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I mean, if he can afford the pay cut and doesn't mind the pay cut and can still support you, I personally think it would be better he go with you. Its rough on all involved when you're in separate cities and if you can make it work without doing that, I personally think it would be better. Let your husband take the pay cut! Sounds like he wants to!

Two years is a lot to miss out on with your spouse and especially in your child's life. I know you're trying to be logical and maximize your family's resources, but you can't do it at the expense of the family itself. I don't think you're fully thinking through what you're asking him to give up. The good news is he wants to go with you. He'd rather be a family with you under a bridge than apart in a fancy high rise. His connection to you and support for your schooling are both very valuable. You'll struggle for a few years while you're in school, and then you'll work on your finances when you have a second income. If you get nervous looking at your budget for the next year or two, kick it out to a 5 year plan, and it should set you more at ease. Also, just because the first job your husband found pays pennies, it doesn't mean he can't keep looking for/find other opportunities down the road.

I appreciate both your answers and I agree. The only reason I’d want him to stay is because he’s just now breaking through in his field and has the ability to network in the city which would continue to help his career grow. Moving to a smaller town would pretty much be a hard reset financially and on his career which scares me quite a bit! Maybe I am being inconsiderate about his feelings and I’ll talk to him about it more. I do have a tendency to be logically callous at times. I’d want him to be there 100% but I also want us to be secure. I grew up in extreme poverty so security has always been extremely important to me. I do think about the baby’s future a lot. We’ve talked about leaving the state soon after I graduate, I feel like starting over would make that extremely difficult.

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