Did I romanticise birth too much? š
My little boy is 4 months old and I think the lack of support I felt after giving birth has effected me more then I thought it would š
Donāt get me wrong, my partner of 7 years was present and there (when he was awake) but he seemed miserable and snappy I almost felt like I was walking on eggshells and felt awkward asking for help after birth (he would help but the snappy attitude made me not want to ask) so ended up overdoing it trying to do everything myself. It was quite embarrassing at some points and I found myself making excuses for him and trying to keep it light hearted to the midwives like (oh he needs to go home, heās just tired )
Bare in mind my labor was from 10am - 10pm so itās not like he was awake for any longer then an average day š¢
I feel sad that I was counting down the minutes they could move me to the ward so he wasnāt aloud to stay and I could have some relaxed time without him there.
Heās not abusive in anyway, works full time but is naturally very lazy and always tries to get away with the bare minimum which is obviously another frustrating factor while raising a baby.
I just feel like Iām missing out on that loving experience every girl dreams of when they have their first baby, itās not happened that way and I worry every day I picked the wrong person to by my babies dad š¢
I have brought this up too him in the past and he kind of shuts it down and just says he doesnāt remember being like that
š„ŗ
Just hoping Iām not alone I guessā¦
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You are not alone... my partner was sleeping during most of my labor, and he snores so loud I couldn't get any res. I was so exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed š
Itās a harsh reality that most men act this way after delivery but it doesnāt have to be your reality. There are PLENTY of guys who do go above and beyond to do anything they can for their partner after birth. My first, my partner was terrible. I was in severe physical and emotional pain, he didnāt care. My second, was the most amazing partner I could have asked for and was supportive in every single way. I felt so safe and comforted and he took care of my every need and did everything he could to make me and our baby happy. YOU deserve that too. Some guys are cruel, some just are clueless and just need direction because they just donāt know what to do in this situation. You didnāt romanticize anything, itās ok to want a supportive and loving partner after you give birth. Start with communicating with him what you need and how he can better help you and go from there ā„ļø
My sonās dad (now ex) was exactly like this. Slept through my labour, was useless while I was in theatre having my emergency section, went back to work the day after I got home from hospital. He got up once in the night with our son, never changed a nappy etc hence why heās now an ex.
My husband now is amazing with our children. He couldnāt do more for us. Some men are just sh1t, and they donāt show their true colours until they become a dad
My bf owns his own business and is good at what he does but it also means in our scenario he couldn't get paternity at all. Even when he had "days off" he was sucked into a game or helping his unappreciative friend instead of helping with our son or house chores while I'm trying to pump or breastfeeding. I've been doing this all with little to no help and or a little outside help... I get up for the kids in the night I sleep next to my son so I can be better rested for the next day.. MOMS like us need to do whatever it takes to feel good.. my daughter's dad is a dead beat, hasn't seen her since she was 6mo...she is going to be 8 in June... My son's dad has some of the same characteristics but is working on some challenges as a family and willingness to listen to understand is getting better because we go into a habit of listening to just hear you talking..w/o the meaning behind the words said ... When dose change/self-improvement start ...
I completely understand and can relate. It wasn't exactly what I imagined or even what others were sharing they experienced. Though it brought to the same questions you mentioned, I know he loves me, I know he's not a kid person, and I want my child in a loving 2 parent home. After the 1st year, it hit a lot more manageable, and I ask for help here and there when I really need it. It's been quite the journey, and we'll be one and done. That seems to work for us right now.
It sounds like he is using weaponized incompetenceā¦
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