Should we be lying to children about Santa

We plan on one small gift (small inexpensive toy, book, soft teddy) from Santa and will likely explain that some parents choose to tell their children Santa gets them everything. When for us we buy you your gifts and Santa/the elves make you your book/toy/teddy.
I'm not such a fan either, I agree that it's likely to cause upset amongst friends due parents income and present amount

I plan on not using the naughty/nice BS or elf on a shelf (creepy). There's a difference between building a relationship on trust and letting your child have some magic in their world. I never felt betrayed or lied to by my parents because they let me believe in Santa.

I think Santa is about the magic and not the presents! I think you’ll be spoiling your children if you don’t enjoy the magic of Santa tbh.

I don’t really think it counts as lying 😕

Don’t be so miserable 😂😂😂

I really don’t understand where this train of thought has come from, kids have been believing in Santa for decades and I don’t think anyone feels in any way lied to or affected by it. As a child I thought Santa brought the presents on his sleigh but I knew damn well who they were all from as I was made to read the tag and made sure to thank those people for the gifts. Ultimately kids have a wonderful imagination, my child imagines literally all day. When she wants me to pretend with her that she’s Elsa, or a vet, a teacher, that she works in a cafe, should I not because I’m not being ‘honest’? It’s for a few years if you are lucky, kids love it, then they get a bit older and gradually see that it’s fictional and then that’s fine, I don’t think it’s as deep as some people want it to be.

From childhood experience, growing up in a low income household where Santa gave me very little presents compared to my friends was very upsetting some years. I actually worked out Santa wasn’t real as a result of it (put two and two together - our wealth was less than theirs) so I bought it up with mum quite young before she was even prepared to say anything. BUT the magic she created surrounding Santa was the best and most exciting part of it all.

I’m very careful with my own child now to not give him too expensive presents as I know the heartbreak of the child who’s family can barely afford them and I wouldn’t want a future classmate or friend to feel less loved or ‘good’ because of it.

I read a great thing lately where these parents are not quite telling their children Santa is real as such but something that people believe in. And if you truly believe in something then it is real and it is not our job to tell other people things are not real when they believe in it.

I am all for the santa magic and wouldn’t want my kids to miss out on it. ✨ I don’t think that at 7 or whenever they realise they ll be mad at the parents for lying. At least I never was.

In my house, Santa brings 1 toy the rest of the gifts are from us and from family that choose to send gifts. We don't do elf on the shelf or talk about Santa in terms of "good or bad". Though I did use Santa as a threat a couple times once the tree was up, telling my 4.5 yo and almost 2 yo that if they kept messing with the tree ornaments, I would have to take the tree down and Santa wouldn't be able to come. 🤷‍♀️
I think it's about balancing the "lie" of Santa and his naughty/nice list and the magic of the season of giving. I think the bigger thing to worry about avoiding is using Santa as discipline. Meaning, avoiding "be good or Santa will bring you coal/no presents" (which is exactly what I said I did, so be better than me 😆)

We don’t do elf on the shelf however my 8 year old clearly feels like she’s missing out hearing what her friends elves get up to as she’s started writing notes.
It’s really not that deep. We only do stocking presents from Santa and yes we have used santas watching you a few times. Wouldn’t say it’s lazy parenting as doesn’t overly work! It’s all part of the fun anyway. Even my 15 year old goes along with it.

I think children should be allowed to enjoy the magic of Xmas / don’t ruin it for them x

I was really brought up to see Santa as more of a delivery vehicle than the provide of presents- think Amazon 20 years before it was invented! Today my little boy has had a few presents from us and one from Santa & then nanny and grandad arrived with a big sack. He has more presents to come but seeing how happy he's been with what he received, I'm tempted to put them away for his birthday in two months' time.

I don’t see it as a lie because I believe in Santa… not the dude in the red suit coming down the chimney, but the magic of going to sleep on Christmas Eve and waking up to presents - like magic! Santa is just a physical representation of the Christmas spirit as far as I’m concerned, the extra drink at Christmas, giving gifts and seeing family you haven’t seen recently, everyone spending time together and looking at Christmas lights, writing wish lists, all of these are ‘Santa’ x

I feel exactly as you do! I'm teaching my children that Santa is a character and a story. My plan to stop the potential ruin for others is to basically say that a lot of families like to play make believe at Christmas and when people play make believe we don't ruin their games. I don't know if it will work.... But part of me thinks, that's their problem and not mine... They could easily just tell their children that he's on the naughty list so we made up that's it's not real... Or similar. How do they explain that Santa doesn't see children of other religions 🤷🏻‍♂️

no offence but this is awful! You’re literally ruining the magic of Christmas - they’ll see other children enjoying it and yours won’t because you ruined it by telling them

My feelings on it effectively come from a place of laziness, I don’t want to put loads of effort into getting my daughter to believe something that isn’t true. Therefore as she gets older, we’ll do things for her to have a lovely, family, magical time, but I won’t go out of my way to encourage her to think her presents have come from Santa.

My parents didn’t put a huge effort into us thinking Santa was real and from a young age I realised it just wasn’t possible. I didn’t enjoy the time of year any less than others.

I love this! I feel like we can make the time so special and full of love and happiness, without ever mentioning Santa tbh. We've read lots of stories and watched movies so he knows that Santa is a thing, but I'm not going to act out Santa, unless he asks me to tbh.
But also, Christmas is a holiday that has evolved so much throughout the centuries, and I believe to be still evolving.

not exactly. I never said we don't celebrate Christmas. We'll still have magic. They'll still have the surprise of gifts, the visits to winter wonderlands, seeing all the lights and the giving and receiving. We can still have traditions and celebrations, without pretending that a magical stranger comes to our house in the middle of the night on a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer...
Besides, plenty of families don't celebrate Christmas and they get on just fine...

Let them have the magic while you can! We don't do elves or threaten with Santa etc but I wouldn't class it as 'lazy parenting'. My 9yr old still believes and he's so grateful for "Santa" knowing him so well to gift him something he loves or has been wanting! One day, he'll know it was me just like when I found out it was my mum. I never felt lied to or betrayed x

well exactly they don’t “celebrate Christmas” as it’s a cultural thing- very different to other situations

Growing up we weren’t specifically told there’s Santa or there isn’t. My parents took us to see Father Christmas at the mall and we’d get a picture and a present. We’d watch Christmas films and read books but I don’t remember my parents super pushing for or against Santa and you know what it was quite magical time and I still love Christmas. We didn’t do “presents”. My mum took us to buy a nice Christmas dress which we would then change into before lunch.
I don’t think it’s a lie that will break trust letting kids believe there is Santa - I mean we all grew up and figured it out. It’s magical and fun I don’t see the issue but mainly coz for me Xmas isn’t about presents at all. It’s about family and love and spending time together. The gifts have always been a bonus. Also I’d never tell my kiddo he’s been naughty so no presents. That’s how I was raised and that’s how I’ll raise my babies.

We have gone with believing in Santa for both our girls.
Growing up we would see Santa and would get a gift.

We do not give expensive gifts- he fills a stocking with Fruit, Chocolate coins and a small Jelly Cat Toy.

Our eldest attends a Catholic primary School and understands celebrating for religious reasons too.

- we have a holy calendar and chocolate ones
All about the balance.

There’s a difference of teaching the understanding of Christmas and buying into the commercial side.
That been said-
Seeing my daughter’s faces when they wake to their stockings is priceless.

I would not class this as lying- when they have more questions later on we can address and they can come up with their own conclusions.

We don’t plan on fully leaning into Santa. It is lying and has caused some people trauma. I 100% believe you can have Christmas magic without it. My parents never did Santa with us and I LOVED everything about Christmas. Our Christmas was built on tradition. Making cookies and seeing lights and spending time together.

Also don’t let the people in the comments make you feel bad.

It was up at the top so I’m sorry for not tagging but I love the idea of Santa just dropping the presents off that family have bought. That way you can keep the magic of Santa while acknowledging that the parents/family bought the gifts.

Does that mean there's no tooth fairy either 😂.

@Sam I told my 4.5yo that the tooth fairy has to be invited in to pick up teeth that have fallen out by a grown up 🤣
I say let kids believe in magic. It's only lying if you're asked point blank if they are real and you say yes 🤷‍♀️

We just tell our boy that Santa is pretend

I think children should be allowed to believe in Santa. I believed until I was 11 and it was so magical. I think it would be really mean to tell them on this basis. I also don’t think it’s lazy parenting, it’s part of the magic. Please don’t ruin it to make yourself feel better. I also had a friend whose parents told her on this basis and she was telling the whole class. Good job I didn’t believe her!

Idk. I do not believe you have never or will never lie to your kids. Lies are not always bad. Santa is fun and it’s not that deep imo

my husband felt very deceived and lied to by his parents when he found out the truth… we have had this same conversation she is asking about due to this.

You can talk about the actual man, Saint Nicholas, he used to give gifts and donations anonymously to orphanages and families in need around this time!

We're planning to present it as a game we play

What on earth lol I understand about the presents side and some children not getting the same amount and feeling sad, I totally get that. But I cannot understand the lying part 🙄 if you're playing imaginary games with your children are you lying to them? Surely the majority of people think the best Christmases were the ones when you believed in Santa and the magic of it all, I do not know a single person that feels the trust between themselves and their parents was ruined because Santa isn't actually real. For me, and I'm sure others, it makes you realize how amazing your parents are to create that magic for you; setting out cookies, milk etc, ringing bells, making footprints, telling stories. Why would you want to miss out on all of that and seeing your child's face light up at it all? Not getting involved in all of that and just telling them he's not real is lazy parenting to me. They're only small for a few years, let them enjoy the magic of it all.

Also, I would be absolutely LIVID if another child ruined it for my child because their parents told them.

I am also conflicted with the Santa thing. The hard part for me is that it doesn't really match what she will be learning in church. As catholics we shouldn't by lying ... and yet that's what I feel I am doing. Will that teach her it's okay to lie sometimes ?

And then when she learns Santa is not real, will she then think that God and Jesus is not real too ?

But the magic was fun for me when I was a child, and I also don't want her to miss out on that either.

I think those that felt betrayed and lied to (or suffered “trauma”) when they found out Santa wasn’t real, had other mummy and daddy issues going on at the time as well……

Come on have a little fun…🙈

Also I would be so upset if my kids had the magic ruined for them because of some tree hugging parent 😩

Jesus what a response 😂 what have drugs, alcohol and trump got to do with magical Santa, are you ok?

Thank god you live in America - we will never cross paths with your crazy chat and our children will never meet 🙌🏻

It’s a horse not a donkey

What the hell have I just read 😂😂😂

I was so confused as the notifications where coming in. I was genuinely tryna figure out what I had commented on 😂😂😂