Naps and Sleep

The ability to self settle only starts to develop at 4-6 months and is largely dependent on the babies temperament. You haven’t made any mistakes at all, she’s developing as she should. Keep co regulating with her as that’s literally the best thing you can do with your young baby. No adult still needs to be rocked to sleep. I always found meeting my baby where he was at, respecting his individual needs was waaaaay more helpful. A lot of crap on the internet pushes sleep coaches and sleep “training” (which of course you can do if you want) completely ignoring where a baby is developmentally at. You’re doing great. If you do want to practice some “self soothing” as such, check out dozesleepcoaching on instagram. She points out that the whole sleep industry is basically a myth and gives some really helpful advice on how to gently get your baby to sleep more soundly x

This is 100% me. All our daytime naps at home are contact naps otherwise baby boy only sleeps for 30 mins or wakes up as soon as I move him. He is cuddled and bounced to sleep for all his naps and when I put him to bed I have to rock him and put him down fully asleep. He sleeps fine at night in his next to me and will settle himself back to sleep after a night feed but that is the exception. Not sure if I should be doing more to get him to nap on his own during the day but I don't want to upset our routine and the amount of sleep he gets. So hard to know what is best!

@Kim hey! Catnaps are sooo normal at this age and completely ok. Some babies sleep longer but it’s not the norm. Their naps just lengthen all by themselves, usually after the 8-9 month regression. It’s hard though, especially when it takes half an hr to get them to sleep and they only sleep like 34 mins haha! But looking back (mine is 20 months now) it’s just another phase they go through 💕

No. Baby can’t self soothe, not until they’re at least 18 months old. I used to rock a dn hold my daughter to sleep, and feed to sleep as well as I breastfeed. My daughter has been able to settle herself down and sleep through the night naturally when she was just a little over 2 and a half years old. Stop comparing your baby to other babies, and not every advise will suits your baby and your situation. As long as you are happy and your baby is happy and thriving, there is no hurry and there is no right and wrong way to raise your baby, as long as they are healthy then you are fine the way that you are.

@Nattinan agreed self soothing starts and develops at 18 months and sometimes doesn’t fully start until 3 years old!

Thank you everyone, I think I just feel pressure from family too. They don't understand and when I ask for advice and if I'm doing it right they just say 'well I didn't do it that way' and say to me 'Have you tried just leaving her in the cot, if she's not crying she's fine.' I agree to an extent but she's not magically going to suddenly fall asleep, she needs help. I've tried just sitting on the end of the bed and rubbing face/patting/ shushing but she just stares and smiles at me.

I just can’t understand people who say “have you just left them” it’s baffling to me! You’re doing all the right things, go with your gut and heart. ❤️

I am the exact same at 5 months!! You have not set baby up to fail - there is WAY too much misinformation and pressure out there. If you’re happy with contact napping, continue! If not, all you can do is continue to try to put baby down. I’m actually trying that as we speak… 😭

Exact same here!!! Feel free to message me to rant anytime!

@Emma that's good to know that they lengthen by themselves. It's tough because I know baby boy and he needs a couple of good 1hr+ long naps during the day to function and his wake window is still 1hr 30 to 1hr 45. I think he just needs a lot of sleep! 😂 Maybe I'll pick one of his shorter daytime naps and commit to making that a solo nap and see how it goes.

@Beth thank you so much! So glad it's not just me 💗

Self soothing is a complete myth. The brain part for it doesn’t even begin to develop until around 3 years old and isn’t fully developed until 25yo. Most grown adults cannot self soothe when in a state of distress. Babies are not meant to sleep or fall asleep on their own! 4 months old is so so little, I really recommend looking at the book ‘The nurture revolution’ if you’re interested in how you’re positively developing her brain by contact napping, the audiobook is free if you have spotify premium! She hasn’t even existed out in the world for half a year yet, she needs you mama 💖 my girl turns 2 next month and she’s the most confident independent girl and I truly believe it’s due to us breastfeeding, cosleeping, and contact napping since she was born and we’ll continue that until she tells me she doesn’t want to one day 🫶🏼

@Lauryne Gorgeous, I love this message ! Thank you so much, I'll look at the book

My baby was always napping in her nest except of the second month when we went through hell with her - first time parents so we had no clue what and how to do. She rejected her dummy at that time and we rocked too, but a lot was ending as contact naps as she kept waking up. I bought a set of new dummies to try different shapes and materials and after a week of trying she took one and it made things easy back again - most of the time. Here is what we do: 7pm till 7.15-20am night sleep. If she wakes up at 6 I feed, change if needed and let her sleep till 7.20. We then do morning hygiene and we play, she watches me have breakfast and get dressed etc. If she was recently fed I would feed at the end of wake window so its at least 2 hours break but if she ate like she normally does 4-5am then I would feed first thing.

At the end of wake window I take her on my lap on the sofa and do something calm like reading or showing her books with pictures, she has a dummy then. When she gets red eyebrows, rubbs her eyes, I take her upstairs to the bedroom, we close the blinds, play her mobile and white noise, I put her into nest and cover with a blanket. She usually settles to sleep herself, if not I put her onto my chest in my bed for a few mins, once drowsy I put her into nest in her cot. When she opens her eyes I avoid contact, as soon as I have her in I sit next to her pretending to have my eyes closed. They copy your behaviour, so try looking asleep 😅 I sometimes place my hand on her chest and the other on her cheek if she needs help settling but doesnt need to be picked up as she doesnt constantly cry. She does short cry noises sometimes but I dont need to pick her up then as touching her usually helps. I leave bedroom when she looks asleep for a few mins at least.

Honestly don’t stress too much I never taught either of my girls to self settle. My four month old needs loads of help. My oldest is two now and she does just fine, she learnt to self settle by 9 months I think just on her own. When they are older it’s much easier to teach them, especially when they can find their own dummy and comforter. And of course now I just say “go to bed!” lol and she knows what I mean xX

I then watch on camera and if she wakes up earlier than 9.50-10 I help her settle back to sleep. I then wake her up at 10, she goes onto my lap as long as she will last without a feed as next nap is long and I dont want her to wake up hungry. I usually feed around 10.20-30 and then she plays. Then again same routine for next nap at 12 and she sleeps till 2pm. Last nap is 4 till 5pm. We bath around 6 and in her last wake window she gets the boob twice, after she wakes up and to sleep. For her night sleep I put her into cot 20mins after she finished eating, she has reflux so I first hold her on my chest. You need to believe you can do it and keep on trying, stay calm as they can feel your stress, I still end up giving her a contact nap sometimes but thats more like once a week and happens less and less often. We started the scheduled nap time when she turned 14 weeks, before I just followed her lead as she wasnt lasting 2 hours but it was stresful to constantly calculate when she needs to sleep.

Sorry for such a long comment but I thought maybe you will find someting that you haven't tried just yet. Good luck, it will eventually happen but don't stress, just keep trying and if it ends up as a contact nap, it's fine, maybe next time! I actually miss cuddling her these days, as I only get it at night time due to her reflux she is always in my arms at night after a feed.

@Kim that sounds like a good plan! I usually found the first day nap was the easiest for solo as they are usually the easiest to get down for that one! Xx