Opposite schedules
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@Trish so you struggle with baby only wanting to play with you? I try to suggest how/what to play with but he takes it the wrong way and she just doesn’t want to play with him only me
Don’t be in the room when they spend time together. My baby also only wants me so I have to do this if I want a break + want them to bond. I also cosleep with a baby that wakes up 9 plus times a night and it’s been many months like this. My compromise is that dad has to try to be the primary / default parent during evening hours and also most of the weekend. I still end up doing a lot during those times because I nurse/cosleep/sahm, but it really helps to explicitly tell my husband what I NEED
My husband is also an early bird. He likes to go to bed around 7pm and get up between 4-5 am. I stay up late and prefer to get up between 7-8. I also handle any night wakings. I'm a sahm, so the kids need to be on my schedule, or I wouldn't get any sleep. The biggest problem for us is that our mismatched schedules don't allow for much "adult alone time" (sex, arguing, bonding as a couple). You each need to find days to compromise. He stays up one day, you wake up early another and you help with the baby on the other person's day. Asking you to get up between 2-3am is crazy, though. The world does not operate on that schedule. He needs to wait until at least sunrise. Babies often have a preference for one parent (usually their primary caregiver) regardless of their schedules, so I wouldn't read too much into it, or at least consider it a separate issue. Be aware that occasionally, baby's preference will flip once they go to preschool or another care setting.
Mine is 2 now, I leave at 8.15 to go to work and her dad drops her off to the childminder at 10 before he works 1-9pm. I collect her at 4.30, do the evening routine and get up with her in the night and the morning. He has her all day Saturday while I work and I have Wednesdays off with her. We don't get any time together apart from Sundays but it works better than when I was on mat leave as it's more equal time with us both.
I honestly kind of appreciate the differences in our schedules. I value having a bit of alone time which basically only happens after my husband goes to sleep since he usually goes down earlier than me (around 9:30 PM, I usually go down around 11). He leaves before I wake up in the morning (around 5AM) and I get up when the baby gets up around 6. He gets off work earlier than me (around 3), so he picks the baby up from daycare and spends time with him til I get home (around 6). Then we all spend time together until the baby goes down around 8. Then we get some one on one time to watch TV or play a game until he goes to bed. Of course I wish we all had more time to spend together but that’s just the reality of two working parents. I do work remote two days a weeks which gets me a lot more time with the baby, with the help of my in-laws so that I’m also able to get my work done.
Yeah it's rough. Sorry you're struggling too. My husbandnis a part time teacher during the day and works 4p-1230a I work 7-4 so we only have lunch 1-2 times a week and weekends. You have to really intentionally plan that family time and communicate well and it's HARD
@Anon, apologies, I didn’t see your comment to me until now. I struggle mostly with just the amount of tasks I need to do of a night. - feed baby - bath time - moisturiser and dressing are usually a mission! - bottle before bed - cuddle to sleep. Usually around 8.30 at this point. Then I still have to cook dinner, put dry dishes away, do the new dishes, pack lunches, organise bubs clothes for next day, have a shower, every other night I water my plants, if I need to I’ll do a load of washing. I don’t have an issue with bub only wanting to play with me. My issue is that he will want his dad, but dad’s usually doing something and can’t play with him then and there, so he gets passed back to me which makes most things quite difficult to do one handed.
Yep. We have been for around the last 4.5 months. I work 7/7.30am-5pm, he works 2pm-10pm or later. He’s asleep when bub and I get started for the day, I take baby to daycare on my way to work. Then I pick Bub up on the way home and do all the night stuff on my own. Hubby gets up to see Bub for 30-45 minutes in the mornings. If Bub wakes up for a feed once hubby’s home, he gets to see him then too, but it’s usually straight back to bed after a bottle.