My niece came out of the closet. Can it be just a phase?

She is still young and figuring things out. Sexuality can complex and confusing.

But imo you saying that maybe she will end up with a man and saying it is a phase, is not at all helpful and seems very invalidating. I imagine these comments are working to further confuse her about her sexuality. You can’t tell someone else what their sexuality is.

If you want to help your niece, You should be helping support your niece and encouraging your sister to be open and accepting.

My biological niece is a transman now. He knew since since he was teenager and now is 26. It could be a phase but it's important to let them figure it out but still give support and advice if asked.

Also meeting online that is dangerous for a teen I would protect her to the best of my ability. At 17 you think you know alot but you're often naive.

What you said to your niece wasn't helpful. It was dismissive.

If you know no matter what you say or do that your sister and her husband are very against it...then be a safe space for your niece. Encourage her to look at scholarships/grants and/or possibly loans for higher education (if that's something she wants) incase she is who she says she is and can't "stay in the closet" not even around her parents. They may cut her off and if she's reliant on them she's gonna have to play pretend for a little while longer until she's able to stand on her own. But please let her know she can hang out at your place and always come to you ❤️

I was just trying to make them all calm down. It seems to have worked out and they all agree on finding out who the girl is for now.
I could not tell the parents they are wrong. They are mostly concerned for her safety.

Hey so here’s a super simplified hypothetical; if you became best pals with a stray cat, and your parents found out, and hated that you were spending time with a cat, would it comfort you to hear your aunt say “hey, maybe theres a dog out there for you!”?

Even if it’s “a phase”, just saying don’t bring it up around your parents, doesn’t help her feel safer or more loved or accepted.

It was a phase for me but even if it is or isn’t it doesn’t matter. Her parents need to let her like who she likes . At the end of the day she’s 17, she is definitely old enough to know what she likes. She might not like girls only, but she likes this girl.

I came out at 16 yrs old and wore men’s clothing. I thought I knew love but never actually had sexual or romantic interactions with other girls. At 18 yrs old I realized it was a phase and I was struggling with mommy issues, seeking female validation and admiring others’ femininity. Now I’m happily married to a man and I’ve learned that it’s okay to just be me, who isn’t necessarily feminine and likes to wear men’s clothing sometimes. For your niece, it might not be a phase. Regardless, she deserves love and encouragement to be herself. Maybe remind her that putting a label on herself is unnecessary. I have a gay friend who has never said he’s gay and never came out simply because (his words)- “Straight people don’t particularly announce their straightness so why would I? I’m human too, and I’m living how I want to just like anyone else.” It’s also natural for people to evolve, especially in the transition from teenage years to adulthood. Talk with your sister about giving her grace.

You telling her not to tell her parents it's forever is not nice or helpful. Even if it is forever, her parents shouldn't have a problem with it if they love her. My husband's cousin went through several phases where she first said she was Asexual, then she said she was a lesbian, then bisexual & now she is dating a boy she met online & they seem to be really happy. Just let her figure it out for herself.

Her parents told me that they would rather she dates a boy but that is not their main concern. They think that the person she is talking to is not trustworthy. The app was shotdown because of child deliquency allegations. They are worried for her safety mostly. They said they have tried asking the girl for her parents phone number, she never gave it and she keeps changing phone number and she facetimes my niece and encourages her to do sexual things. My niece said it was consensual. Her parents said the girl looks young but she is not 17 as she claims.

Erm, it doesn’t matter if it’s a phase or not she should be supported regardless. Her choice when all said and done 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sexuality is fluid. It would be demeaning to call someone’s current sexual experience a “phase”. As if it is something she’d get over. She may weave in and out of sexual attraction to different genders or maintain an attraction for a specific gender. Either way it doesn’t matter what the future may hold for her sexuality, her life shouldn’t be a guessing game and the support she receives shouldn’t be based off of the possibility she will eventually change to be more comfortable to those around her. what matters is who she currently is and what she is currently communicating.

Additionally fearing an online predator is an issue separate from her expression of sexual preference. There is a way to be supportive in her experience while also promoting safe and healthy relationships. A lot of the time kids fall in love via internet interactions because they are more free to be themselves behind a screen. That’s why predators thrive online.

I sent your exact words to my sister.

At 17. No it isn't a phase xxx

It could be a phase, she could be bi or lesbian and any of those are okay. Don't tell her it's a phase. Just support her and whoever she likes or loves. Don't put it on her to please her parents by not being her true self around them. You should talk with your sister about supporting her daughter and loving her/being there for her no matter what even if she doesn't understand. She clearly likes this girl so she should get to explore it and figure out for herself what she is. I know it can be shocking to some people but don't let that stop you from unconditionally supporting her.

Also just read your comment that her parents believe this online person is a predator, that's a different issue than her sexuality. Her safety should be top priority but looking out for her safety should not diminish or put down her sexuality.

The situation with this "friend" sounds scary as fuck. Changing phone numbers is a huge blood red flag with flashing lights and warning sirens to me! She honestly may be recording your niece and sharing the videos 🤮

yes my sister thinks the same.

it could still be a phase, I was 17 and thought I was fully gay… now I’m married to a man.

I think it's rare and I think phase is the wrong word anyway and insulting. I first had feelings for a girl age 8. Granted it was a stupid school ground crush. But she may have experienced similar xx

exactly

Who ever your niece
Chooses to like guys or girls is okay but these internet predators regardless of age is not okay. I feel worried for her knowing that someone is asking her to do sexual
Things over video also someone who is using multiple dead end phone numbers. Doesn’t sound like genuine connection, and teens have hormones get it. But still stranger danger ⚠️

Euuuuf... Good for you for your trying to keep her safe... Safety is a big deal.
BUT
Telling her she might fall in love with a guy one day is diminishing her sexuality though. You're basically telling her she doesn't know her own sexual identity. Would you tell a straight person that they might fall in love with a same-sex person?

Ok, it doesn't matter that the person is a girl. What matters is they have only met online and sound off. If that's the case of the question a meeting up with the parents nearby in a public space should be the next step. Like a Starbucks with the parents at a separate table by the exit and they can meet and talk in person. A lot of people meet online and find 'the one" lots of people marry their highschool sweetheart. But a lot of young people get trafficked and it's so risky.