AITA?

BIL & SIL have 2 children (5 & 1), are pretty insular and strict with their routines (fair enough!) and barely ever ask anyone else for childcare, despite us offering multiple times over the years. A few weeks ago they asked if I would babysit their younger child for a couple hours in the afternoon and I said I’d love to. The day before SIL texted to cancel due to her being unwell. I replied saying I hope she felt better soon and to lmk if she wanted to reschedule babysitting for another time. A week passes and she gets in touch to rearrange. By this point we’re having the whole house redecorated and I’m in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy (starting to get tired, sore and generally not feeling great). I replied saying I’d love to but it would be good to hold off until redecorating is finished as the house all back to front atm. 3 days later and she’s still left me on read. WIBTA if I declined when she eventually gets back in touch? Can’t tell if I’m just being pregnant and cranky 😂 not so much about leaving me on read, but also waiting to ask when it’s actually kind of an inconvenient time after 5 years of never taking us up on our offer of childcare. Hubby has suggested trying to sort a day when he’s also off work so that it’s not all on me… although I guess he doesn’t have that many left until the baby comes and we still have our own stuff to sort 😅

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It's always up to you decline but I wouldn't think it fair to simply decline because you're narked that she left you on read as that's kinda straying into petty territory. Totally different declining if you're busy/ feeling unable to due to pregnancy etc. But if you've offered I think it's fair to keep that offer on the table. Especially since you don't know why you were left on read etc. I'm too forward... if people ignore me I reach out again and check they're ok... I can't stand silent wars🤣 where we don't know if someones pissed off or why... does my absolute nut in. Straight up honesty every time just done with gentleness 🤗

I wouldn’t expect a reply to my declining it. “Ok” would be about it and I don’t feel they have to say that. I never get mad about being left on read though. If the conversation is over, it’s over. Someone always gets left on read at some point, unless you just keep texting forever. If it were me I wouldn’t care and when she got back to me I’d work out something with her.

Guys I literally said in my post that it’s not about leaving me on read 😂

But what’s wrong with them for not taking you up on childcare for 5 years is they didn’t need it? You’re making it sound like they’ve been insulting you by just caring for their kids all these years and not taking your help I think leaving you on read isn’t nice But I wouldn’t decline based on these two things

If it’s not about being left on read, then what’s wrong with them never taking you up on it until now? If I offer something it’s because I truly mean I have no problem doing it. If they don’t need it for a long time and I’m still telling them I’ll do it, it’s because I will still do it. Idc how long they take to accept my offer.

If I understand correctly this is more about her seeming to choose a time that is inconvenient to you (could have been a coincidence), while ignoring times that WERE more convenient to you, and also about not respecting your time by giving you a prompt answer. She asked and you responded, then she cancelled, made you wait to rearrange, and is now making you wait again for a confirmation, making it difficult to plan around your schedule, especially with a house being redecorated and a baby coming and dad working. It may be deliberate that she is keeping you waiting, maybe not. She may have been annoyed that you said now was inconvenient, maybe not. The only way to know is to ask. Be clear about your expectations and time frame in which you need an answer one way or the other. Or, if you are already too annoyed, just politely decline. You have the excuse that being heavily pregnant you may not feel up to chasing kids around, which is fair. Just don't apply intent to her without her telling you explicitly.

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